I didn't sleep last night.. At all.
I'm currently sitting in the corner with my legs pulled up to my chest and my hands pressed against my head. I have another migraine this one is worse tho.
The nurse and Dr. Varrence walk in and seem surprised to see me on the floor. The nurse gives me my medication and goes to leave but I stop her. "Um can I have something to get rid of my migraine?" I ask.
She nods her head and says she'll be right back.
"You have a migraine?" Dr. Varrence asked.
"Yes."
"Oh.. You look like you haven't slept yet... Have you?"
I shake my head no.
"No I can't."
"Why not?"
I was about to answer when the nurse came in and handed me a pain killer. I put it on my tongue and swallowed it with some water.
"Thank you." I said to her and she said I was welcome before leaving.
"Why can't you sleep Tyler?" Dr. Varrence asked again.
"He won't be quiet." I said simply.
"Who won't be quiet?"
"The voice in my head... I named him Blurryface." she wrote something down on her paper.
"What is he saying?"
"He keeps telling me that I'm worthless and that I should just kill myself. I already tried but I failed." she continued writing on her paper.
"Hmmm... What else does he say?"
I thought for a moment before realising I'm opening up to her again.
'TELL HER TO LEAVE! SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU ANYWAY! NO ONE DOES!'
"Nothing... I um it's nothing important... Can um can you leave?"
"Why do you want me to leave?"
'DON'T TELL HER!'
"I can't tell you." my migraine didn't seem to be getting better .. It felt like it was getting worse.
"Why can't you tell me?"
'DON'T SAY ANYTHING! JUST STAY QUIET! NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR ANNOYING VOICE!'
I remained silent.
"Your not going to answer me Tyler?"
"I'm not allowed to." I said.
'WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU? SHUT UP!!!!'
I gripped the sides of my head. It hurts when blurry yells like that. I let a soft sound of pain past through my lips.
"Tyler are you okay?"
"No."
'STOP TALKING YOU IDIOT!!!!!!' my grip on my head tightens "ahh."I groan in pain.
"Whats wrong?" Dr. Varrence asked getting up out of her chair and walking over to me.
'HIT HER! DON'T LET HER TOUCH YOU! GET MAD AT HER! TELL HER TO LEAVE!'.
"Stay away from me... Go away."
"I'm trying to help you Tyler."
'NO SHE'S NOT! SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU!'
"No you're not... You don't care about me."
"Why would you think that Tyler? Of course I care about you."
'SHE'S LYING!'
"You're lying."
"No I'm not." I started feeling angry.
"YES YOU ARE! NO ONE CARES ABOUT ME!"
'YOUR JUST REALISING THIS? AHAHA NO ONES EVER CARED ABOUT YOU AND THEY NEVER WILL! YOUR JUST A WASTE OF SPACE EVERYONE WOULD BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU!!!!'
"Shh Tyler you don't need to yell."
I started crying blurry is right I know he's right he's always been right.
Dr. Varrence reaches out and puts her hand on my shoulder.
'DON'T LET HER TOUCH YOU! HIT HER! THROW SOMETHING AT HER!'
"STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE! STOP YELLING AT ME!" I screamed. I was yelling at blurry.
"I'm not yelling Tyler."
'DON'T YELL AT ME! YELL AT HER! I'M THE ONE TRYING TO HELP YOU!'
"NO YOUR NOT GO AWAY!" Dr. Varrence looked confused.
'WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST KILLED YOURSELF? YOU MESS EVERYTHING UP! YOU CAN'T EVEN DIE CORRECTLY!!!'
Again he's right. I couldn't even do something that's so easy to do.
"Your right I'm sorry. I should've tried harder."
"What are you talking about Tyler?"
'WELL TRY AGAIN!!!!!!!! YOU DESERVE TO DIE!!!!!! EVERYONE IS HAPPIER WITH YOU GONE!!!!!!!'
My head is killing me blurrys yelling is only making it worse.
"JUST SHUT UP FOR FIVE FRICKING MINUTES PLEASE!!!!"
He was quiet after that.
I slowly stood up and walked to the bed, I laid down and went to go to sleep. I'm tired.
"Tyler I need you to tell me whats going on... Who were you yelling at?"
"Blurryface." I mumbled.
"Why were you yelling at him?
"Because he wouldn't shut up."
I pulled the blankets up over me.
"Do you think I could come back later to talk to you? I didn't get to talk to you much and I can tell your tired."
"You can come back later." I said tiredly.
"Okay well I'll see you in a bit get some sleep."
I nodded and she left.
I soon fell asleep.
YOU ARE READING
Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)
FanfictionI've been here for a while, in this same building. Most of my time spent in my room, alone. Everyday I repeat the same routine. The same boring qualities, just different days. I've come to love these qualities as boring as they are. I don't like cha...
