Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

Bonus #4

SIX MONTHS HOME

Lately I've been feeling alot more angry.
Josh has noticed and hes questioned me about it a few times but I always just say I'm fine and drop it.
Brendon, Josh and I were in the living room.
The tv was on low volume because Josh and Brendon we're talking.
I was staring at the screen though.
I wasn't watching whatever was on I was just zoned out.
"Tyler can you go grab me another beer?" Josh asked.
I looked at him with a blank expression.
"What?"
His smile faded.
I stared at him for a few more seconds before standing up and going into the kitchen.
I opened the fridge and grabbed the cold glass bottle.
I shoved it at Josh then sat back down.
He draped an arm over my shoulder in attempt to pull me closer but I just grabbed his hand and moved his arm off me, without looking away from the TV.
"Is something wrong?"
I didn't answer.
"Babe?"
I clenched my jaw.
"Are you okay?"
My hands curled into fists, my finger nails digging harshly into my palms.
Josh stared at my clenched fists.
"What's wrong?"
He scooted closer to me.
I abruptly stood up and went to leave.
Josh stood up as well and grabbed my arm turning me to face him.
"What's going on?"
I tried to pull my arm back out of his grip.
"I'm not letting go until you tell me."
I just stared at him.
He gasped and let go of me, ripping his arm away when I tightly gripped it.
I turned back around and went into the bedroom.

"Stay here." Josh whispered to Brendon before following me.
I went out on the balcony and sat with my back against the glass, resting my head against my knees.
Josh came out and sighed before sitting in front of me.
"What's wrong baby?"
I lifted my head to look at him.
He looked concerned.
I turned my head and looked out at the city.
The cold night air starting to nip at my arms and bare feet.
"Did I do or say something to upset you?"
I shook my head not looking at him.
He sighed again.
"What's wrong then? You've been acting like this for weeks now."
"I don't know." I just barely whispered, it was almost inaudible
"Is it Brendon? Do you want him to leave?"
I shook my head.
"Then what is-"
"I don't fucking know okay?!"
I pushed myself off the ground and went back inside, going in the bathroom.
"Tyler."
Josh knocked on the door.
I didn't respond.
He slowly turned the handle and came in.
I looked at him.
He opened his arms and I walked into them, letting him hug me.
"Is it just mood swings again?"
Dr. James had switched my medication and mood swings was supposed to be a side affect but thing doesn't seem to be a mood swing.
It seems like a constant anger and I don't know why.
"Maybe.... I don't know." I whispered.
"Okay."
"I'm sorry for yelling at you."
"It's okay."
"..... My brain is loud."
"What's it saying?"
"Bad things." I whisper, tears brimming my eyes.
"Like what?"
I shook my head.
He'll call Dr. James if I tell him.
"Baby talk to me please."
I shook my head again, gripping his shirt in my fists.
"Is it the kind of bad things that happened back at the hospital? The kind of bad things that you used to enjoy?"
A small sob escaped my lips, giving me away.
His arms tightened around me.
"Oh baby no."
"Please don't call him."

"You know I have to baby."
"No. Please."
"Baby I gotta."
"No!"
"Tyler."
"No!"
I pushed him back.
"Calm down."
"No!"
"Tyler."
I gripped my hair harshly.
Brendon slowly walked in.
"Is everything okay?" He asked.
"

Brendon go back to the living room."
"Are you sure? I heard yelling. Are you okay Tyler?"
I looked up at him with an angry expression.
His eyes widened and he took a step back.
I let go of my hair and lunged at him, slamming him into the wall and punching him.
"Tyler!"
Josh quickly grabbed me, holding my arms down and pulling me away.
I struggled against him.
"Let me go!"
"Calm down."
I ripped myself out of his grip and pushed him back.
I went to run at him but he tackled me to the floor.
"Get off me!"
"Calm down!"
"No!"
I flipped us over and tried to punch him.
He grabbed my wrist before I could.
"Brendon Go get my phone and call Dr. James."
Josh said as he struggled to keep my hands still.
Brendon nodded and ran off.
"No!"
I went to run after him but Josh pinned me to the floor.
I screamed.
"Sh, sh, sh, it's okay."
"No!"