TYLER'S VIEW ~
Josh is currently at work.
I miss him.
I need him right now.
I don't know what to do.
What do I do?
I felt myself start to shake so I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them.
I squeezed my eyes shut and rested my forehead in the space between my two knees.
My breaths were ragged.
"Tyler! Tyler stop screaming! It's okay! It's okay!" Dr. Varrence panicked grabbing onto my wrists.
I didn't realise I started screaming.. Or that Dr. Varrence had come in the room.
I stopped screaming and starred at Dr. Varrence.
"Are you okay? What happened?"
I sat trying to catch my breath.
"Whats wrong Tyler? I need you to answer me."
"I-i don't know."
"You don't know?"
I do know... But I can't tell her.
'AND YOU BETTER NOT TELL HER!'
I swallowed thickly.
"Tell me whats wrong."
"I can't."
"Is it blurry? Is he back?"
How did she know?
I held my bottom lip in between my teeth.
"He is. Isn't he?"
I slightly nodded.
"Oh dear."
She stood up and started to head toward the buzzer.
"No! Don't tell them! Please!"
I scrambled to the edge of the bed.
"Tyler I have to."
"No. Please." I said looking at her through tears.
"Tyler-"
"Please." I begged.
She sighed.
"I'm sorry Tyler. I don't have a choice."
I hung my head low as tears rolled off my cheeks and onto the floor.
I heard the buzz and soon Kenny came into the room.
I remained starring at the floor.
"Get me Dr. James please."
Kenny nodded and left again.
Soon Dr. James came in.
He asked what Dr. Varrence wanted.
"Do you want to tell him Tyler.. Or do you want me too?"
I didn't say anything.
"Okay I'll tell him then."
"Please don't." I whispered.
"I have to."
I sighed in defeat.
Dr. James asked what was going on.
"Tyler says that blurrys back."
A sob escaped my mouth as more tears fell.
"He did, did he?" Dr. James spoke walking towards me.
Dr. Varrence nodded.
"Would you give me and Tyler some privacy please Dr. Varrence?"
She nodded again and left.
"Tyler. You know what this means?"
"No."
"It means you can't leave at the end of the week."
"I was going to leave at the end of the week?"
"Josh didn't tell you?"
"... Didn't want him to."
"Oh... I'm going to go call Josh and fill him in okay?"
"... Okay."
I sat down on the back of my legs and cried until Josh came.
When he did he ran over to me and hugged me.
"God Tyler why didn't you tell me?"
"H-he only came back today... After you left. I'm sorry."
"No don't apologize it's not your fault."
"I hate this. I thought I was getting better. I don't understand." I sobbed.
"Shh. Shh. Your okay."
'JOSH HATES YOU! HE WAS EXPECTING YOU TO LEAVE AT THE END OF THE WEEK AND YOU RUINED IT! HE'S GOING TO LEAVE HE'S TIRED OF WAITING FOR YOU!'
"Josh please."
"Please what?"
"Don't leave. I'm sorry. Please don't leave me."
"I'm not leaving baby. I'm right here I'm not going anywhere. Don't apologize."
"Please Josh."
"Shhh. Baby your okay."
"No! Josh I'm not okay! I'm not okay."
"Shhh. Breathe."
'JOSH DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU!'
"Josh." I cried.
"Shhhh. I got you. I'm not leaving."
Josh slowly started rocking us.
'HE IS LEAVING! HE HATES YOU! EVERYONE HATES YOU!'
"Josh. It hurts."
"Shh. It's okay."
"I hate it. Make it stop. Please."
"I don't know how to. I wish I knew how to I'd make it stop right now if I knew how."
"I hate him."
'NO YOU DON'T!'
'Yes I do! I hate you! I hate you so much! Why can't you just leave me alone!? Why did you come back after being gone for so long?! Why?! Why couldn't you just stay away?! Why couldn't you leave me alone!?'
Blurry was quiet.
"Tyler?"
"What?" my voice cracked.
"Are you okay? You haven't said anything in a while."
"No. I'm not okay. I'll never be okay. I want to be okay but that doesn't seem to be an option for me. I'm better off not even being alive."
"Don't say that Tyler. Please don't say that."
"It's true."
"It's not! Tyler stop saying stuff like that please! I can't stand to hear you say that! It breaks my heart!"
"I'm sorry! Stop yelling at me!"
"Shh.. I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell... You just mean so much to me Ty I can't lose you."
I sniffed.
"I have a headache."
"Want me to go get a nurse?"
"No! Don't leave me please. I don't want to be alone. I can't be alone. I don't trust myself."
"What do you mean by that?"
Worry was clear in his tone.
"I think I'll hurt myself if I'm left alone."
"Then I'm not leaving you alone. I can't have you hurting yourself. I'm going to call Dr. James okay. I'll get him to bring some pain killers or something."
I nodded as Josh pulled out his cell phone.
After he hung up Dr. James came in with some pain killers.
I took them.
"I'm sorry that this happened Tyler. I know how much you wanted to leave."
"Just stop talking about it please. I don't want to think about it. I just want to go to sleep."
"...okay."
Dr. James left.
I turned towards Josh who frowned and used the pads of his thumbs to wipe away my tears.
My gaze dropped as he tried to look into my eyes.
"Can I go to sleep please?"
"Yeah come on."
I crawled to the top of the bed and got under the covers.
Josh did the same and hugged me tightly.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
YOU ARE READING
Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)
FanfictionI've been here for a while, in this same building. Most of my time spent in my room, alone. Everyday I repeat the same routine. The same boring qualities, just different days. I've come to love these qualities as boring as they are. I don't like cha...
