Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

CHAPTER 17: Senstitve Topic

"Ohhhhhhhh." I said like I just realised the meaning to life.
My mom and dad had just finished giving me what they called 'the talk'.

I look over at Josh who keeps shifting uncomfortably under my dads stare.
"..dad."
"Hmm?"
"Can you stop trying to set Josh on fire with your mind?"
"What do you mean?"
"You've been staring at him since you got here.. And not a nice stare either... A stare full of hate and I want you to stop. There's nothing to hate about Josh. So stop hating him."
"...okay.." he reluctantly moved his gaze elsewhere.
I got up off the floor and walked over to Josh who was sitting on the bed.
I stood in front of him and tilted my head slightly.
"What?"
"Have you ever.. Y'know did it.. Like what my parents said?"
Josh's eyes widened and he glanced at my parents for a spilt second.
"I um.. Well... Uh... Yes... S-some of it."
"Which part?"
"Oh um.. I uh.. Never actually had sex if that's what your talking about."
"So you've touched yourself?"
Josh looked like he was at a loss for words and didn't know how to respond.
"Uhhh."
His eyes darted between me, my parents and Dr. Varrence.
"Uh y-yes?"
"You don't sound too sure of yourself."
"Um yes I-I have."
"Do you feel uncomfortable?.. Like talking about this?"
"A-a little I guess."
"Hmm interesting."

I sat down on the bed next to Josh.
"So I wasn't doing anything wrong?"
"...no."
My dad was staring at Josh again.
"Dad."
"What?"
"Stop."
"Stop what?"
"Staring! Stop staring! I promise you Josh is a good guy."
"We'll see."
"Dad! Listen he's not a bad guy, just trust me for once please!?"
"What do you mean for once?"
My dad was starring at me now.
"You never trust me anymore or listen to me.. You just think that you're right about everything and that I'm lying when I tell you things."
"I'm sorry Tyler..."
"So you'll give Josh a chance?"
He nodded.
I smiled.
"Thank you."

"So Josh do you work?" my mom asked.
"Um no.."
"How old are you?"
"Moommm."
"What?"
"Is the FBI investigation necessary?"
"Yes."
I groan and flop backwards on my bed.
"It's okay Tyler. I'm 19."
"Oh your only a year older then Tyler."
"Yeah."
"Hmm do you smoke or drink or do drugs?"
Josh stiffened a bit.
"Uh .. Yes... I um smoke and drink but I'm trying to quit."
"Whens the last time you had a smoke and a drink?"
"Umm... I think 2 days ago for a smoke and last week for a drink."
"Okay as long as your trying to quit. Do you-"
"Why do you smoke and drink Josh?"
"It's complicated."
"Tell me."
He sighed and looked kinda sad. Is this a sensitive topic to him?
"I mean i-if you want to."
"I guess I should probably tell you... Well I started smoking because it helps me relax.. Like if I'm under a lot of stress it can help or if I'm feeling anxious it can also help I guess and drinking? Well I only drink when I want to forget."
"Forget?... Forget what?"
"Just stuff that's happened that I don't really want to deal with at the time."
I frowned.
"I think that's enough about-"
"What stuff? What stuff don't you want to deal with?"
"Tyler honey I think we've asked Josh enough questions."
"No I want to know. I don't want to do something that'll cause him to want to drink or anything."

Josh looked at the floor.
"You could never do anything to make me want to do that stuff Tyler.. If anything You make me want to stop." he whispered.
It was quiet for a few minutes.
"I drink to forget things like when my parents fight or yell at me or when they call me names. I drink to forget the time my parents kicked my out. I drink to forget the things kids at school used to say to me. I drink to forget anything and everything that makes me upset because I'm too much of a coward to deal with it."
Josh looked sad. Did I make him sad?
'OF COURSE YOU DID IDIOT.'
"I'm sorry Josh."
"For what?"
"I shouldn't have asked about it. I made you sad I'm sorry."
"It's okay Ty."
"No it's not Josh. That's a sensitive topic to you and I guess I knew that so I'm sorry I kept pressing you. I don't know why I did cause I hate when people press me to talk about stuff. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay. really."
He used the back of his hand to wipe his eyes. He's crying. Oh my god I made him cry.
I slowly wrapped my arms around him.
He instantly hugged me back and shoved his forehead into the space where my neck and shoulder meet.
'YOU UPSET HIM. HE HATES YOU NOW.'
'I know.'

"Tyler don't put this on yourself please." he said shakily.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't think I'm upset because you asked questions or anything Its not your fault I'm upset. Don't blame yourself. And if blurry tries to convince you otherwise don't listen."
"But it is my fault. you wouldn't be upset if I didn't ask."
"It's okay please. I don't want you upset because I'm upset. Okay?"
"..okay."
"Tyler I think your mother and I are going to go outside to give you guys some privacy."
"Yes and Josh I'm so sorry about what your going through."
"It's okay." he let a sob out.
"Don't pity me please."
My mom walked over and pulled Josh out of my arms and gave him a hug.
"After you calm down a bit can we talk?"
"I guess."
With that my mom and dad left the room along with Dr. Varrence who had been biting her lip the whole time.

Josh just looked at the wall in front of him.
"Josh?"
"Yes?"
"Um.. I don't like seeing you like this."
He laughed slightly.
"Lets just be glad you don't see me when I'm drunk then."
"Josh." I just barely whispered.
"What?" he turned to look at me now.
".. After you leave here are you going to go get drunk to forget me asking and stuff."
"... I-"
"I don't want you to. Drinking is dangerous. I don't want to see you in a hospital with alcohol poisoning or anything."
"I'll try not to. Tyler you don't know how much I've cut back on drinking and smoking since I've met you."
"... How often did you used to?"
"Almost everyday. I've had alcohol poisoning once before. It was terrible. Getting your stomach pumped is not fun."
"I wish I could take your pain away so you wouldn't have to want to drink or anything."
"No Ty you have enough of your own."
"I would rather suffer then see the people I love go through stuff."
"Your so pure Tyler. Don't ever change."
I hugged Josh once again.
He pulled back and grabbed my chin, tilting it upwards.
He kissed me.
I sat up into a better position.
He put so much passion into the kiss.
He pulled back and just stared at me.
"I don't know where I'd be if I haven't met you. I'm scared to think about it really."
"Well I know that I'd be dead right now if I haven't met you."
"I probably would be too or not far from it."

"Josh?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
He smiled.
"I love you too.... Can you say it again?"
"I love you."
He sighed contently at the words.
"I love you Josh."
I kissed his forehead.
"I love you Tyler."
"Do you want to take a nap? My mom can wait til another time to talk to you.. Or you can talk to her now and take a nap after."
"I don't need a nap Tyler."
"Yes you do. You always take such good care of me when I'm sad... It's my turn to take care of you."
"Okay... I'll talk to your mom first.. See what she wants then I'll take a nap okay?"
"Okay."