Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

CHAPTER 36: Unstable

I couldn't do it.
I couldn't make it through the week.
I only had two days left. Two.
I wonder if Josh is okay.
He probably hates me.
No scratch that... I know he hates me.
Let me explain what happened.

It was a normal day. Like any other.
I needed to go to the bathroom.
It was Josh's day off so he was still sleeping.
I didn't want to wake him so I pressed the buzzer.
The guard didn't come so I had no choice and had to wake Josh.

"Josh wake up please."
"No."
"I need to pee please wake up."
I grabbed his arm and started pulling him out of bed.
"Tyler stop it.".
"I. Need. To. Pee."
"Press the thing."
"They won't come I tried that! I'm going to pee myself please!"
"For god sake Tyler. Come on."
He got up and took me down the hall to the bathroom.
I practically ran there which got me in trouble with the guard because Josh was walking too slow and I arrived before him.
The guard thought I was out by myself.
After I used the bathroom I explained what happened and he said it was okay so me and Josh went back to the room.
He went to lay down but I hugged him.
I wanted him to stay up with me so I wouldn't be lonely.
"Tyler let go."
"Please don't go back to sleep. Spend some time with me please."
"No Tyler I'm tired."
"Pleaseeee Josh?"
"No."
I frowned and let go of him.
"You never want to spend time with me anymore." I whispered.
"Tyler you know that's not true."
"But it is! You either at work or your sleeping! You don't even kiss me goodbye in the mornings anymore! And when you get back you just go straight to sleep! We haven't spent time together in days!"
"Tyler stop screaming. If they hear you won't be able to leave."
"It's not like you care anyway! You could care less if I got out of here! Your not actually gonna take me away! You never were! You probably only keep coming to see me cause you feel bad for me! You don't actually love me do you?! Just like everyone else! I'm just a waste of oxygen then gets in everyone's way! Aren't I?"
"Tyler stop it right now! Why would you ever think that?! I fucking love you more then anything!"
I was crying by now.
"It doesn't seem like it!"
"I know. I'm sorry. I'm just tired okay? I'm sorry for yelling and I'm sorry for not spending time with you. Why don't we go for a walk or something?"
"No! I don't want to anymore!"
Dr. James came in now.

"Tyler... Whats wrong?"
"I don't know. I'm sorry Josh."
"It's okay."
"It's not okay Josh. Nothing is okay! Nothing will ever be okay! Not for me at least."
"Don't say that. Everything will work out."
He hugged me and I cried into his chest.
"Tyler.. You didn't make it til the end of the week... You know what that means right?"
I cried harder.
"Please don't do that to him. Please give him another chance."
"He's still unstable Joshua. We can't let him leave if he's unstable."
I pulled away from Josh.
"Get out."
Both Dr. James and Josh looked at me confused.
"Both of you get out!"
"Tyl-"
"I want to be alone! Just leave me alone."
I watched as they left without another word.
I walked over to the bed and laid down.
Then I just cried. For hours.

Now I'm laying on my back starring at the ceiling with tear stained cheeks, red puffy eyes and a sore throat.

Dr. James came in again.
"Tyler? You doing okay?"
I sighed still looking at the ceiling.
"I see... You missed your therapy session this morning because I told Dr. Varrence you didn't want to be bothered.. Would you want her to come in now?"
"Not really." I spoke, my voice cracking and very quiet.
"Okay. Do you want anything while I'm in here?"
"... Is Josh still here?" my voice did the same thing it did a few moments again.
"Uh... No."
I nodded.
"I can call him though.. Do you want me to?"
I nodded again.
It was a while before Dr. James came back.
"Josh will be here soon okay?"
"Okay."