Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

CHAPTER 48: No Answer

Another week gone by.
A week full of episodes, crying and headaches.
Fun right?
I'm being sarcastic of course.
It's been hell.
I woke up before Josh today which is very rare.
He has work today but I don't want him to go.
I quietly and carefully move so I'm straddling him.
'JOSH SAYS HE GOES TO WORK BUT HE'S LYING HE ACTUALLY GOES OUT AND HAS SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE YOUR NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM!!'
'no don't say that.'
'IT'S TRUE!!!'
'It's not!'
I leaned down so I was laying completely on top of him, my ear resting on his heart.
I sat for a while just listening to the calming steady rhythm.
Josh stirred a bit then stretched his arms above his head.
I sat up.
"Oh good morning."
He said once he opened his eyes.
"Morning." I said softly.
"You okay?"
I nodded.
He squinted his eyes.
"Whats wrong?"
"Nothing." I lied.
"Tell me whats wrong, there's something wrong I know there is."
I sighed.
"Do you have to go to work today?"
"Yes. Why?"
"I don't want you to."
"I got to though."
"Please?"
"Tyler I have to go."
I nodded.
"Yeah." I looked down, disappointed.
"Hey listen."
I looked up.
"When I get off work we'll spend the rest of the day cuddling yeah?"
'REMEMBER WHAT I SAID TYLER.'
"No."
"No?"
"Don't go. Please."
"I have to."
"Joshie please."
"There's something else that your not telling me."
"Please just... Stay."
'HES NOT GOING TO!'
I squeezed my eyes shut.
"Ty what's going on? tell me."
I opened my eyes to look at him.
"Tell me he's lying."
"Who?... Oh blurry?"
I nodded.
"What's he saying?"
"He's saying t-that.. That you don't actually go to work.. A-and t-that you go have sex with other people b-because I'm not g-good enough." I cried.
"No no no baby I don't do that I promise. I could never do that to you. Your all I need and your all I want. Don't listen to blurry I promise baby I would never ever do that."
"But blurry said you do." I looked away.
"I don't... Look at me."

I did as I was told.
Josh wiped my tears.
"I love you and only you. Okay? I promise you I'd never do that. I love you so much."
"I love you too."
'HES LYING!!!!'
Josh kissed me but I didn't kiss back.
He pulled away and looked at me with raised eyebrows.
"What?"
"I'm confused is all."
"About what?"
"This."
"What do you mean?"
"This situation. Your telling me one thing while blurrys telling me another and.. I'm just confused."
"I see."
I used my fists to rub my eyes.
"I got to get to work soon."
"Please don't go Joshie."
"I need to."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
I wrapped my arms around him.
"Your not leaving. Your not allowed."
"Says who?"
"Says me."
"Whos me?"
"Meeee!"
"Whos meeee?"
"Jooosssshhhhh."
"I'm meeee?"
"Uggghhhhh."
"I'm just playing around but I really got to go."
"No you can't. please stay with me."
"Tyler I already to you I can't."
"Yes you can."
"No I can't."
"What if I..."
"What if you what?"
I moved my hips.
"Tyler." he groaned.
"Not now."
"Yes now."
"No."
"Yes."
"Tyler I have work."
"And I have needs."
"And you need this do you?"
"Well not this particularly but I need you.... Wait.. Not in that way.. I just need you here with me."
"Why do you want me to stay so badly today? Your usually fine with me going to work."
'YEAH BUT HE DOESN'T ACTUALLY GO TO WORK! HE HATES YOU SO HE GOES TO STRIP CLUBS AND BARS INSTEAD OF BEING HERE WITH YOU!! BECAUSE YOUR NOTHING TO HIM! YOUR NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HIM!!!!'
I started crying again.
"Ty talk to me please."
Josh gently grabbed the sides of my face and wiped the tears off my cheeks, which were soon replaced with new ones.
"Shhh stop crying Ty your okay."
"Stay with me please. Please stay Josh." I sobbed.
"Shh come here."