Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

CHAPTER 21: Far Far Away

(A/N ~ I'm currently crying because wattpad deleted this chapter and now I have to re-write it but I can't remember what I wrote.)

"Josh."
"Hmm?"
"I need to pee."
"Then go pee."
"I'm not allowed out of the room by myself."
"Oh right."
Josh forced himself out of the bed and out into the hall with me.
"How do you go pee during the night when I'm not here?"
"I press the buzzer thingy by the door and someone comes to get me."
"Why didn't you do that instead of waking me?"
I shrugged.
When we arrived at the bathroom Josh leaned against doorframe.
"...Josh..."
"Hmm?"
"You have to come in with me."
"Why?"
"Because I'm not allowed to be alone in here."
"That's weird but okay."
He pushed off the doorframe and followed me into the bathroom leaning against the sink.
I walked over to the urinals to do my business.
"What time is it anyway?"
"Like seven or something."
"Oh."
I washed and dried my hands before we left.
"Josh?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I hold your hand?"
"You don't have to ask You know. You can just do it."
"Oh.. Okay."
I smiled and grabbed his hand as we walked back to my room.

Josh flopped onto my bed after closing the door.
"I'm going to go back to sleep for a bit okay?"
"Okay."
I wasn't tired so I just sat on the bed waiting for Dr. Varrence.
Until I started getting angry.
I started getting angry about everything. All the things that have changed since Dr. Varrence first came.
I got up off the bed and walked around the room trying to calm down.
I ended up screaming and punching the wall, hard.
I collapsed to my knees and cried, cradling my injured hand against my chest.
"Tyler? Are you okay? Why did you do that?"
Josh said walking toward me.
"I don't know. I'm upset."
"Why are you upset?"
"Because I guess I ignored all the change that's  happened lately and it's finally catching up.. Remember when I first met you? I told you I don't like change."
"Yes I remember.... Can I see your hand?"
He said resting his hand on my shoulder.
"No! Don't touch me!"
He instantly retracted his hand and stepped back to give me the space I need.

Josh sat on the bed.
"Do you want anything?"
"I want quiet."
"Okay."
Dr. Varrence walked in then.
"Tyler? Why are you crying?"
"He's upset."
"About what?"
"Change."
"Oh I see."
"Be quiet!"
"Sorry baby."
"It's okay." I sniffed.
Everything was silent for about five minutes.
"Joshie?"
"Yeah?"
I reached my arms up and he came over and picked me up, carrying me to the bed.
"Can I see your hand now?"
"No."
"What happened to his hand?"
"I want it quiet."
"Okay."
I sat listening for a while.
I didn't hear anything.
"Josh I don't like it."
"Don't like what?"
"Blurry. He's not here. He's always here when I'm angry. Why isn't he here!?"
"Isn't it a good thing he isn't here?"
"I guess."
I started crying again.

"I want to leave Josh."
"I know... I know. I wish I could take you away. Far far away from here."
"Promise?"
"Promise what?"
"That when I get out you'll take me away?"
"Yeah. I promise."
He started rubbing my back.
"No stop."
"Stop?"
"I don't want to be touched right now."
"Okay. I'm sorry."
"Well what do you want Tyler?"
I didn't answer.
"Tyler?"
"I want to yell. I want to just scream and break things or hit something but I can't." I sobbed.
"If I do they'll get mad and sedate me."
Dr. Varrence wrote somethings down on her clipboard as I cried into my knees that were now pulled up to my chest.
"I want to nap."
"Alright.. I'll leave then I'll see you later."
Dr. Varrence left.
I laid down.
"Josh?"
"Hmm?"
"You can touch me now.... Please? Lay with me?"
"Of course but can I look at your hand first? I want to make sure it's okay."
I looked at the bruised hand that was pressed against my chest.
I nodded and held my hand out.

He carefully grabbed it making sure not to hurt me.
"I think you might have dislocated a knuckle or something."
He softly touched the bruised skin.
I gasped and pulled my hand away.
"Did I hurt you?"
"Yeah.. But it's okay cause you didn't mean to.. Right?"
"No I didn't mean to baby.... Can I go get a nurse?"
"Please."

Josh exited the room, coming back with a nurse a few minutes later.
"Okay Tyler can I see your hand?"
"Yeah."
The nurse examined it for a few seconds.
"I'm going to have to pop it back into place okay?"
"....okay."
"It's going to hurt when I do it."
"....okay...."
"Alright on the count of three take a deep breath for me. One.. Two-"
"Wait!"
I grabbed Josh's hand, intertwining our fingers.
"Okay now."
"Okay again on the count of three deep breath. One.. Two.. Three."
I inhaled and the nurse moved the knuckle back into place.
I squeezed Josh's hand really hard and hissed at the pain.
"Okay I'm going to go get something to wrap it in stay here and don't touch your hand."
I nodded.

I felt tears run down my cheeks.
"You did so good Ty."
Josh wiped my cheeks with his thumbs.
"It hurt."
"I know but you took it so well."
I nodded and looked down at my hand.
The nurse came back, wrapped my hand up and gave me some pain killers.
I laid back down cuddling into Josh's side.