Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

CHAPTER 16: Shh

I was woken up by Dr. Varrence and Josh talking.
Dr. Varrence was sat in the chair by the bed and Josh was laying on the bed with me in his arms.
I groaned and tightened my grip on Josh's waist.
"Good morning."
I made a whiney sound.
"What?"
"Shhhh."
"Shh?"
"Shhhhh! I'm sleeping."
"Oh did we wake you?"
"Yes." I mumbled.
"Sorry."
"It's okay now shh."
I buried my face in Josh's side.

"Tyler don't you think you should get up? It's getting pretty late."
"Noooo pretend its not."
"Pretend it's not? Well what time are we supposed to pretend it is?"
"Uhh... Three in the morning."
"Come on Ty get up. I want food and I can't get it if your laying on top of me."
"But Jooosssshhh."
"Please?"
"Ugh finnneee."
I sat up and rubbed my eyes with my fists.
Josh smiled at me before attempting to get up.
I sat on top of his legs before he could.
He raised his eyebrows questionably.
"I demand that you carry me to the cafeteria and that you let me give you a kiss." I said putting my hands on my hips.
He smiled.
"If you insist."
He gave me a quick kiss and picked me up at the same time.
I squeaked in surprise.
"Hey no fair that kiss was too short."
I said while clinging to him so I don't fall.
"Well I'm hungry so suck it up."
"Jooossssshhhhhhhhhh."
"I'll give you a better one later okay?"
"Yay!"

Dr. Varrence followed us to the cafeteria.
Josh grabbed a plate of food and we all sat down while he ate.
"Your not going to eat anything Tyler?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I don't eat in the mornings... Like I'm not hungry when I wake up."
"Oh I see."
"Yeah."
"Well if your not eating why don't we talk?"
"Talk about what?"
"Anything, I'd prefer if you'd tell me how your feeling and stuff, you know the usual but you don't have to."
"Oh well I have a headache, as always... Every morning I either have a headache or a migraine. Ummm blurrys been quiet so far today. Uh and I'm tired.. That's about it though."
"Hmm.. What about your emotions?.. Like how are you feeling?"
"... Uh... Sad."
"Sad? Why are you sad? What happened?"
I glanced at Josh and looked down at my lap.
"Nothing."
"Ty? Why are you sad?"
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Ty please tell me."
Josh wasn't eating anymore.
He stopped and was looking at me with a concerned face.
I started crying which drew the attention of other patients.
"Okay come on lets go back to your room."
Josh abandoned his food and focused his full attention on me.
I reached my arms up to Josh and he picked me up, carrying me back to the room while I cried.

When we got to my room Josh laid down pulling me on top of him, but I didn't want to lay down.
I moved off him and he sat back up.
I walked around the room for a few seconds before sitting in a corner.
"Tyler are you going to tell us whats wrong?"
"No!"
"There's no need to yell."
"Sorry." I sniffed.
"Ty?"
"What?"
"What happened?"
"I-i.. I don't know... I'm just upset.."
"About what?"
"Last night."
"What happened last night?"
"I don't know.. I-i didn't know.. I'm sorry Josh."
"No no no it's okay."
Josh ran over to me.
"No cause your mad."
"I'm not mad."
"Well what are you then? I feel like your mad at me or disappointed or something."
"I'm not mad or disappointed."
"T-Then why did you stop last night... I know we could have gotten in trouble for whatever reason but..."
"But what?"
"I-I don't know I just wanted to continue I guess."
"I know .. I wanted to continue too but we couldn't."
"Okay wait what happened? I'm confused."
"Me and Tyler were... Y'know kissing and it got a little heated and well I didn't want to get in trouble so I told him to stop."
Her eyes widened.
"Oooohh."
"Yeah.. He was really confused cause he doesn't understand like what he was doing and I would have told him but I feel like it's not my place."
"No I don't think it is either.. His parents probably should explain it."
Josh nodded.
".. Why can't I know? Like why can't one of you tell me what I did wrong?"
"You didn't do anything wrong."
"I feel like I did."
"Trust me you didn't."
"Please tell me." I whispered.
I feel bad I don't know what I did and no one will tell me. I can't fix it if I don't know. I feel like Josh secretly hates me and just says he doesn't so I don't freak out.

"How about I call your parents and they can decide if they want to tell you?"
"Why can't you just tell me!?"
"Because it's not my decision."
"Fine call my parents... I just want to know what I did. Its not that big of a deal."
"Okay I'll be back in a few minutes."
Dr. Varrence got up and left the room leaving me and Josh in an awkward silence.

THIRD PERSON VIEW
(Dr. Varrence ~ Mr. Joseph)

"Hello?"
"Hello who's this?"
"Dr. Varrence... Tyler's therapist."
"Oh hello Dr. Varrence... Is there something wrong?"
"Well last night Josh came here and at some point him and Tyler started kissing and it got 'heated' so Josh told Tyler to stop. Tyler thinks he did something wrong and wants us to tell him what he did but we thought it'd be best for you or Mrs. Joseph to tell him."
"Wait what!? I thought Tyler was just friends with Josh?"
"Well their obviously not. So are you going to do it?"
"... You mean like.. Give him the sex talk?"
"..yeah."
"*sigh* yeah okay... When?"
"Um now I guess."
"Alright see you soon."
"Okay bye."
"Bye."

Dr. Varrence hung up with a sigh.
"What do you think your doing Dr. Varrence?"
"Oh um Dr. James hi. I was um talking to Mr. Joseph about what happened with Tyler and Josh last night."
"Oh.."
"Uh he's coming to give Tyler the 'talk'."
"I see."
Dr. James left without another word.

Dr. Varrence made her way back to Tyler's room.
She froze when she opened the door.
Tyler was curled in a ball crying while Josh stood with wide eyes starring at him from across the room.

TYLER'S VIEW

"..what.. Happened?"
"I ...um .. I wouldn't tell him and he got mad."
"He got mad?"
"Y-yeah."
"Tyler?"
I didn't say anything.
"Tyler?..."
"I'M SORRY! .....Josh I'm sorry.. I can't control it."
"Can't control what?"
"My episodes."
"...oh."
"I-it's okay Ty."
"No it's not."
"Yes it is. You said yourself you can't control it. It's okay."
"I'm sorry."
"I know.. You just... Surprised me."
Josh was now kneeling next to me.
I sniffed.
"I hate it. I hate it so much Josh."
"You hate what?"
"Me. I want to love myself I really do I want to be okay with the way I am but I can't. I hate the random episodes and the mood swings and the headaches and being in this stupid hospital! I hate it!"
"Shh I know you do but there's nothing we can do."
I got up and gave Josh a hug.

"Tyler do you want anything? A drink?"
I nodded, my throat is sore.
Dr. Varrence went to get me some water.
When she returned she handed me a glass.
"Is there anything else you want?"
"I want to go home."
"I know.. I know."