Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

CHAPTER 51: The Truth Is.. I'm Insane

(*EXTREME PLOT TWIST AND TRIGGER WARNING*) (also a longer chapter.)

Its been about a month now.
I don't have the straight jacket on anymore. (they should have left it on.)
I haven't had a episode in a while. (all part of the 'show'.)
I still have my bad days, though most of the time I'm generally happy. (But am I really?)
Dr. Varrence doesn't come as often anymore cause There's nothing really for us to talk about. (yes there is... There's loads.)
She's coming today though. (not a good idea.)
Speaking of her she's here now. (let the fun begin.)

"Hello Tyler how have you been?"
"Good. What about you?" (bad, I don't care.)
"I'm good thanks for asking. Anything you want to talk about today?"
"Yes."
"Okay what is it?"
"I've been thinking about it a lot, but I can't piece together an answer so I was hoping that maybe you'd be able to help." (I'm lying I know exactly what the answer is. I just want to see if she can figure it out.)
"I'll do my best. What is it that you have been thinking about?"
"Blurry."
"...okay... Where's this going Tyler?"
"Just listen."
"...Okay."
"Blurrys not real right?"
She nodded.
"The thing I can't piece together is why I did the things I did if he wasn't real, I mean isn't real. Like... Why would I do those things? Is there reason or did I just do it for the sake of doing it?"
"I think you've done those things because... You were scared."
"Scared? Of what?"
"I don't know would you like to tell me?"
I stared at her, blank expression.
"I don't know.."
I said confused as to why she would think I knew why I would be scared.
"I think you do.. You've just.. Decided to push it away so you don't have to think about it."
"Wha-"
"I think you know what you were scared of but you don't want to admit that its what you were scared of."
"... What do you think it is?" (come on fall right into my plan you idiot.)
"I think.. That you've always known blurry isn't real but you were scared that if you did the things you've done without a reason people would see you as even more dangerous or crazy. I think you created blurry as an excuse for the things you've done and when you were told he wasn't real you acted out about it cause you were scared to admit that you do those things without a reason."
"Your smart you know that?" (no your not.)
She nodded.
"So am I correct?"
"In a way."
"Explain what you mean."
"Well blurry isn't just an excuse.. He's.. He represents my insecurities. He's.. He was real but like he wasn't at the same time."
"What do you mean by that?"
"He did talk to me. He did tell me to kill myself multiple times and he was always there, like I created him I guess but he was real. I've just accepted the fact that I made him up and he went away. I could easily bring him back if I wanted to." (would you like to see?)
"Hmm interesting."
She said writing down things on her clipboard.

"What is?"
"You still think he was actually talking to you."
"He was." (you idiot.)
"Oh really?"
"Yes. He was almost like.. A detached version of my thoughts I guess."
"Hmm. So you said you could easily bring him back?"
"Yes."
"Do it."
"Why?"
"I just want to see."
"..okay." (I knew you would.)
'Blurry?'
'YES?'
'whats up?'
'NOTHING.'
'fun.'
'YUP.'
"He's back."
"Whats he saying?"
"Nothing were just talking."
"You seem very calm about all this."
"Yeah."
"Why is that?"
"Because he can't hurt me."
"I thought he could?"
"Only if I let him."
"What do you mean?"
"Well like I said I created him, I can control the way he acts toward me."
"Interesting."
'She's getting on my nerves.'
'MINE TOO.'
"Although blurry was created to cover up the way I act he was also partly created to keep me company. I didn't have any friends as a kid so he would always chat with me. He's my friend but also my enemy."
"This is all new news Tyler... Why would you let him be mean to you and hurt you?"
"I don't know. I just.... Do." (why not? It's entertaining.)
"Why?"
I shrugged.
"The truth is...I'm insane."
"You don't seem to be.."
I stared at her.
'should I let her see?'
'DO YOU WANT TO SCARE HER?'
'I don't know.' (yes.)
'ASK HER IF SHE WANTS TO SEE THEN.'
"Want to see?"
"See? See what?"
"What I really am. What I can really do?.. Josh already got to see... Would you like to see too?"
"Wait so when you attacked Josh that was..."
"Me."
"That wasn't because you were angry about blurry not being real?"
"Not really no."
"Why would you hurt Josh though?" (all part of the fun.)
"Why would I hurt anyone?" (it's fun.)
".... Does Dr. James know any of this?"
"No."
"Does anyone know any of this or is it just me that knows?"
"Just you."
"Why do you trust me enough to tell me but not anyone else?"
"Because you irritate me." I said through clenched teeth.
Before she got a chance to answer I launched myself at her, knocking her off her chair and pinning her to the ground.