Undefined (Book #1 Joshler)

CHAPTER 19: NoteBook

JOSH'S VIEW

Tyler's parents drove me to one of my friends houses that I was staying at so I could get my stuff.
I got out of the car once they parked and ran up the stairs into the house.

"Josh!? Is that you?!" my friend yelled from the living room.
"Yes!"
"Come here we need to talk."
I jogged into the living room.
"Yeah whats up?"
"You know I love you right man?"
I nodded.
"Okay good so know that I do this with a heavy heart... You need to find somewhere else to stay."
"Okay see you around." I said simply running off to get my stuff, being even more thankful that Tyler's parents said I could stay with them cause if they didn't I don't know where I'd go now. I don't have anymore friends that would let me stay at their house.

I grabbed my bag and put the little belongings I have in it.
"Hey.. You took that surprisingly well."
"Yeah um remember how I told you about Tyler? Well his parents are letting me stay there for as long as I need. Thanks for letting me stay here this long I appreciate it."
"Oh well that's good. Take care of yourself buddy."
Brendon, my friend, gave me a quick hug and I ran back out to the car.
"You only have one bag?" Mrs. Joseph asked.
"Yeah... I wasn't able to get much when my parents kicked me out."

"Oh well if you need anything like clothes or hygiene supplies let us know."
"Oh okay. Thank you."
"Your welcome."
We then drove to the Josephs house and I got settled in Tyler's old bedroom, that was located in the attic.
It still had all his things in it but I didn't mind.

I was left alone for the night after everything was situated. I sat on the bed and looked around the dimly lit room. My eyes landed on a battered up black note book that had pages falling out, which sat on the desk in the corner of the room.
I stood up and walked over to it, picking it up and opening it.
Inside were pages upon pages of what I assume are song lyrics.
I carefully read over a few.
These lyrics are deep. Really deep.
It seemed like the pages were stained with tears or something along the lines of that.
All I can picture now is Tyler sitting alone in his room crying and pouring his thoughts onto these papers.

I started to miss Tyler more and more as I continued reading. I just want to hold him forever, make sure nothing ever hurts him again and tell him he's going to be okay.
The door opened and a boy walked in startling me, causing me to drop the notebook and jump.
"Hi." the boy said.
"..um hi."
"Josh right?" the boy said sitting on the bed.
I nodded.
"I'm Zack... Tyler's brother."
"Oh.. Hi Zack."
I said picking up the notebook and setting it back on the desk.
"Your crying."
I wiped my eyes.
"You were reading Tyler's songbook. That's why your crying right?"
"Uh-"
"I cry when I read it too."
"Oh."
"My brother really likes you y'know."
"Yeah."
"Do you like my brother?"
I nodded.
"Can I uh."
"Can you what?"
"Give you a hug?"
"Why?"
"Because my parents told me you saved my brothers life and I wanted to thank you.. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my brother."
My heart ached for Tyler's brother.
"Yeah you can give me a hug if you want."
He timidly wrapped his arms around me and I hugged back.

"I'll leave you to go to bed now see you in the morning." Zack said before walking out of the room.
I walked back over to the notebook and picked it back up.
I flipped to a random page and read it while sitting down on the bed.

Save By. Tyler Joseph

I won't take much of your time
I just want you to see
What I have made, inside these lines
It's as good as I can be
It's as good as I can be
This is all that I can be
This is all that I can be
All that I can be
Head tilted down
Knees on the ground
And I will ask
Please
Save me
Save
Please save, save
Save save save save save save save save, save save save me save me save me save me

I deserve for you
To turn away
I was ashamed to speak your name
I can't believe
That all you see is
That you have covered me gracefully
Your all I want to be
Your all I want to be
Your all I ever need
Your all I ever need
Jesus, Jesus
Please
Save me
Save
Please save, save

Save save save save save save save save, save save save me save me save me save me

I won't take much
Of your time
But just enough
For you to
Save me

By the time I finished reading I had tears streaming down my face.
I slowly stand up and put the notebook back on the desk.
I walked out of the room and into the bathroom down the hall.
Once I was in the bathroom I closed the door and turned the sink on, splashing cold water on my face.
I stared at my reflection for a few minutes before deciding I should sleep.
I walked out of the bathroom and ran into Mrs. Joseph.
"Oh hey Josh... Are you okay? Why are crying sweetheart?"
"I'm fine. I just.. Miss Tyler I guess you could say."
"Oh I see... You read his notebook didn't you?"
I nodded clenching my jaw slightly.
She gave me a hug.
"Come on. Lets go talk for a bit."
I

followed her down into the kitchen and sat at the table.
She handed me a glass of water and sat across from me.
"Tyler never let anyone look at that notebook before he went to the hospital... We never knew what was in there but he left it behind when he went and we read it. We understand why he didn't want us to read it."
I nodded.
"Zack reads it the most. He'll sit there for hours reading it. He says it makes him feel closer to Tyler."
I nodded again.
"Do you want anything to eat since were up?"
"Oh um sure."
"Okay what would you-"
My cellphone started ringing.

I picked it up. It was the hospital.
"Uh hello?"
"Hi ... Josh?"
"That's me."
"Okay do you think you could come in to see Tyler?"
I furrowed my eyebrows slightly.
"U-uh why? W-whats wrong? Is he okay?"
I looked up at Mrs. Joseph who had a confused expression.
"He said blurry won't let him sleep and that he wants you to come and get blurry to stop. He said he doesn't know how long he can take it."
"Oh um okay I'll be there soon then tell him to just ignore blurry until I get there."
"Alright see you soon."
I hung up without saying goodbye.
"Whats going on?"
"Blurry won't leave Tyler alone and Tyler wants me... I told them I'd go but I don't know how I'm going to get there.... How much is it to get a taxi from here?"
"A taxi? You don't need to take a taxi just take the car. The keys are on the hook by the front door."
"Wait really?"
"Yeah. Drive safe. I'll see you when you get back."
I gave her a hug and quickly thanked her running to the front door, grabbing the keys and putting on my shoes.