Unexplainable [Original Version]

[chapter twenty-five: "follow your heart"]

Chapter 25: "Follow Your Heart"
Jolene Milford's POV

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As soon as Scott and I get off the phone, I grab my cigarettes and my lighter from the kitchen table and head outside. Kev's got such a big back porch; it's really nice. My ash tray is still out here from last night, right where I left it. I pop a cigarette into my mouth as soon as I step outside and light it soon after.

My nerves are completely shot and I'm not sure if being here alone is helping or hurting them. I thought this would be a lot easier -figuring out my feeling, that is- once I had talked to both Scott and Kevin, but it's not. It's harder than ever, actually.

I have so much history with both of them and I love them both so dearly. It was Scott that stole my heart first, but then again, I met him several months before I met Kev. And Kev... God, we've spent so much time together over the years. That's not to say that I haven't spent a shitload of time with Scott, but work-wise, Kev and I have spent far more time together.

Oh, fuck this. I want to make a decision. I want to end all of the trouble and the confusion.

I look over Kev's yard as I smoke, enjoying the nice change of scenery; I mean, anything aside from my home and yard is drastically different from what I've known for the past few months. I like Kev's place. It's nice.

It doesn't take me all that long to finish my first cigarette. It does calm me down quite a bit, but I light another one up almost as soon as I put the first one out. I have to wonder, how much longer will Kev be gone? I guess it all depends on how far he went to get everything. He said he wouldn't be out very long, and I know Scott and I talked for quite a while.

What do I want? Who do I want? Those are answers I have to find for myself, but I wish that wasn't the case. I want to call Kim and talk to her, but I know that won't help. She can't help me figure out the way I feel.

I've nearly finished my second cigarette when I hear Kev pull up on the other side of the house. I put my cigarette out and leave it on the ash tray for later as I exhale a large cloud and stand up. God, I've never been this damn nervous to see Kev.

Maybe my nerves are actually trying to tell me something for once...?

"Get everything we need?" I ask with a smile as I meet Kev in his living room.

"Yep. We'll be set out on the lake, and your pale ass won't burn, either. You've never really been one to tan, so I figured it'd be a good idea to get you some sunscreen." Kev laughs as he tosses the plastic bottle over to me; I easily catch it. However, as usual, Kev sees through my shit. "You okay?"

I sigh and sit the sunscreen down on the coffee table. "I talked to Scott, because I thought that would shine some light on what I want in life. I think I'm starting to figure everything out."

"Is that good or bad for me?" Kev raises a brow.

"That's yet to be determined." I reply with a playful grin, which Kev returns.

"You've just got to follow your heart, Joli." He chuckles and then motions towards his bedroom. "Come on, let's go get dressed and head on out to the lake."

"Sounds good to me."

We grab our clothes in Kev's room and while he changes in his bedroom, I head onto the bathroom. As I slide on the black sports bra I'm going to be wearing, I let out a small, content sigh. This is going to be a good day. I fix my shorts and my sneakers before combing my hair and walking out of the bathroom.