Unexplainable [Original Version]

[chapter twenty-seven: "forgive me"]

Chapter 27: "Forgive Me"
Scott Hall's POV

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As soon as I open my eyes, I feel a sharp pain cut through my heart. My head is fuckin' pounding, but it's nothing compared to the overwhelming guilt that is tearing a hole through my chest. I can't believe I actually treated Kev so poorly last night. I can't believe I got so fuckin' mad at him.

I'm biggest asshole on this planet.

I'm going to apologize as many times as I can for it, but I don't deserve his forgiveness. There was no reason for me to be as rude as I was; I certainly could have been a lot nicer.

I'm such a damn fool for letting my emotions get in the way and dictate my actions. If there's one person in my life that has been there for me through fuckin' thick and thin, it's Kevin Nash; regardless of that, what did I do last night? I yelled at him and pushed him away both physically and emotionally.

With a groan, I roll onto my back, so that I can stare up at the plain ceiling in my room. I barely remember getting back here last night, in all honesty. I drank more than I should've, and I knew that at the time; I just felt so damn bad that I didn't care.

Man, I wish I wasn't so damn selfish. No wonder Joli chose Kev.

I shouldn't be so harsh about that. I love Kev dearly and he's going to be good for Joli. She's got such a damaged heart and she needs someone to carefully take down those walls that she built to protect herself. I really do wish that I could've been able to help her, that I would've gotten the chance to show her how much I care for her.

I guess it just wasn't meant to be. It's a fuckin' tough pill to swallow, but that's how it is.

Today, I just don't know where to start. Should I try to go find Kev? I don't have any idea where he's at. I guess he's probably somewhere in the hotel, if he hasn't left yet. There are so many damn rooms in this place, though, it'd be like looking for a needle in a haystack.

I could try and call Joli and talk to her, but honestly, I don't think that's a good idea. Kev probably called her last night and she's probably pissed at me right now. I don't blame her if she is; I'm pissed at me, too. I fucked up.

It'd be so nice to hear her voice and have her calm me down, though. Joli's just got such a way with words. I've always tried so hard to be upbeat around her and act like nothing ever phases me, but she sees past that. I've become so goddamn spoiled by her kindness and her love. She truly is the greatest woman in the world.

Fuck, this hurts. I love you, Joli. I should've done so much more to let you know that. I should've been taking every fuckin' opportunity I could to prove what you meant to me. I should've been what you needed.

Looking back, I really shouldn't be all that surprised that Joli and Kev are together. I know it's nothing official, not yet, but they're basically a damn couple. The only thing coming between them is Joli's uncertainties, and once she's conquered those, they'll be full-swing into their relationship.

I wonder if they'll get married down the line? Will they have any kids?

I want to be completely happy for them, I really do; it's just so hard when I keep feeling this pain in my chest. I've got to shake this. They deserve better than that.

Since the first day Kev and I got back in WCW, he and Joli have been closer than ever. I should have known back then that I didn't have a chance with her, but I got my hopes up, anyway. The signs of their blooming romance have been there as far back as I can remember, but it's only now that I'm truly realizing that.