Unexplainable [Original Version]

[chapter thirty: "reliable"]

Chapter 30: "Reliable"
Scott Hall's POV

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Ever since Kid and I fuckin' ruined Joli's return on Monday, things have been so awkward between the four of us. Kid and I have been trying our damnedest to make things right, but I know Joli and Kev both are so skeptical of us. I don't really blame them, honestly. I'm worried about me fucking up again, too.

I look over at Joli from the passenger seat as she parks the rental and turns it off. We're at this nice little park, and it's probably, what, ten in the evening? I had to basically beg her to come out here with me tonight, because she was so damn worried about me. But honestly, I've just got to talk to her.

She wanted Kev to come, even if she didn't say it. I know she did. Tonight, though, it's just about me, Joli, and these burdens that I've been carrying on my shoulders.

"Thank you for coming out with me tonight, Joli. I appreciate it." I tell her as I unbuckle my seatbelt.

"You said you wanted to talk, right?" Joli asks with a small smile. I nod as she grabs her cigarettes and her lighter from the cup holder. "Well, it just so happens that I'm in the mood for a conversation. I've got a lot on my mind, too."

I've not got any idea what she wants to talk about, but I'll gladly listen to whatever she has to say.

"If there's anything I can ever do for you, all you've got to do is tell me. I know I've not been the most reliable as of late, but I really do care about you, Jolene. You're one my best friends." I smile over at her. Fuck, I wish we were more.

"You're a great guy, Scott. You really are. I just wish that you saw that." Joli chuckles softly as she opens the car door beside of her. "But, we came to walk and talk, right? No need to just sit in the car all night. I mean, if that's what you want to do, we can, but I think this park is awfully damn beautiful. Might as well have a pretty scene as we pour our hearts out, right?"

I can't not grin at Joli's playful little remark. I love this woman so very much; it's killing me.

"You're right." I just mutter with a laugh. Joli and I both exit the car, and as we walk over to the nearby path, she pulls a cigarette out of her carton. She slides her carton into her shorts and then looks over at me, twirling her cigarette between her fingers.

"So, would you like to start off, or would you rather I have that honor?" Joli asks, raising a brow.

"As tempting as it is to put this off a bit longer, I think I'll volunteer to begin story time." I joke as I shove my hands into my pockets. God, this isn't going to be easy.

"Fire away. The stage is yours." Joli sends me a look of encouragement before popping her cigarette into her mouth and lighting it up. I turn my attention to the path in front of me before taking a deep breath.

Fuck.

"I know I haven't necessarily been the best friend over the past couple of weeks, and I could come up with a list of excuses that is a mile long. I've made a lot of bad choices and done a lot of stupid shit recently, between yelling at Kev and the whole Monday fiasco. But, Joli, I hope you know that I genuinely haven't meant to hurt either of you."

I glance over at Joli, trying to keep an eye on her reaction. She gives me a nod, remaining silent as she smokes and listens.

"You see, my mind has been... something of a chaotic space lately." I pause, trying to find the perfect words to describe my predicament. "It seems as though no matter what I do, my damn insecurities and doubts find a way to creep back into my mind. Whenever something even slightly negative crosses my mind, it's as if these darker thoughts just amplify them. Before I know it, I'm a goddamned hole."