Unexplainable [Original Version]

[chapter forty: "no more lies or bullshit"]

Chapter 40: "No More Lies or Bullshit"
Jolene Milford's POV

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"You've been quiet today, Scott. Talk to me a little." I look over at Scott as he drives. He's got both hands planted firmly on the steering wheel and his eyes are covered by his shades. He's been chewing on his toothpick rather harshly.

I'm worried about Scott. Ever since Eric paired us together, he's not completely been himself. We've spent so much time with one another over these past two weeks, but Scott has been off. I don't know what it is, he's just not been the usual, rebellious smart-ass that I adore.

"Huh? I'm fine, Joli. Don't worry about me." Scott shoots me a grin, but I shake my head.

"Did you even listen to me? I said you'd been quiet; I didn't ask how you were feeling." Scott's grin instantly drops. "I know you're not happy about this angle, but neither am I. How are we supposed to make this thing work when can't even talk to each other?"

"I'm sorry." Scott sighs. I can tell he's deep in thought. "Okay," He starts after a minute, "let's talk. First off, I'm sorry again that I got us stuck in this mess. I know I've said that a few times, but I mean it, Joli. I shouldn't have kissed you on television. That's on me."

I place a hand on Scott's shoulder and pat it gently. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't enjoyed the kiss, but that's all it was.

It was just a crazy kiss between friends. That's it.

"It's really fine, Scott. You were caught up in the moment and you just did what felt right. I get it. It's not like we've not kissed countless times in the past, anyway." I shrug as I reach down into the cup holder and grab a cigarette and my lighter. "There have always been feelings between us, whether we ever admitted them or not. Our relationship has been a little... complicated."

"Isn't that the truth?" Scott chuckles as I roll down my window. "I'd genuinely love to have you as my girl, Joli, but I don't want it to go down this way."

I hate the feeling of awkwardness that rushes over me as Scott says that. I hate feeling any bit odd when I'm with him; I mean, it's Scott! This motherfucker has been my best friend for what, just about six years?

I need to get ahold of myself. I'm losing my damn mind.

"Again I say, it's complicated. I don't doubt we could've been good together, but I love Kev. He means the world to me." Goddamn, I love you, Kevin. I genuinely do.

"I know. I really don't want to ever try and come between you two. I mean, yeah, it still stings that I'm not the one you want, but I respect you both a hell of a lot. You're my best pals in the world, Joli. I don't want to get in the way of your happiness."

It sounds like Scott struggles so much to say that, but I know it's not because he doesn't want good things for me and Kev. It's just because he's still hurt by all of this. I thought he'd been moving on rather well, but this whole bullshit angle has to be killing him.

"You're a wonderful man, Scott. I really hope you know that. I know it's hard for you to see the good in yourself some days, and I know it's easy for you to put yourself at the bottom of the priority list. I just..." I have to stop for a moment as I gather the proper words to say. "I just want you to know how amazing you really are."

Scott chuckles softly as he looks over at me for just a quick moment. I feel my heart ache as our shade-covered eyes lock with one another's. I wish Scott saw in himself what I see in him.