Unexplainable [Original Version]

[chapter seventy-seven: "how do i tell you"]

Chapter 77: "How Do I Tell You"
Scott Hall's POV

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"... Scott." Huh? "Scott." Fuck. "Scott Hall." Ugh. "Scott! Oliver! Hall!"

I love you, Joli, but goddamn, don't yell at me right now.

"Yeah?" I ask as I look at her over my should. I'm laying on my bed, facing the opposite way from her. She's sitting on her and Kev's bed, with a beer in one hand and a smoke in the other. "Hand me one of those."

"What's your deal tonight?" Joli sounds both sad and mad, a terrible combo. "You've been in a shitty mood since we got back to the hotel." I just stare at her for a moment. "Are you okay?"

She hasn't handed me a beer, and I feel like she's not going to.

"I'm fine, Joli. Don't worry about me." I shrug her off and return my attention to the wall in front of me. The low murmur of the television buzzes mindlessly in my ears.

"Are you, though?" Jolene persists. "If something is on you mind, talk to me." It sounds like she's begging me more than anything. "Please, Scott."

"I'm okay, sweetheart. Stop worrying about me. Really, there's no reason to waste your time like that. I'm good." I really wish that she would stop pursuing this conversation, because I don't want to have it.

Jolene doesn't immediately reply, but the next words she says are delivered in such a sad voice that I feel my heart crack in my chest. "Why can't you just talk to me about whatever the fuck is on your mind? We used to tell each other damn near everything, and I swear, it's like I don't even know you anymore."

What do you want me to say, Jolene?

Do you want me to spoil the surprise of Kev's proposal, which is coming in just a few days? Do you want me to tell you about how my heart continues to break each and every time I think about what we could have been?

Or, would you rather I tell you about how utterly fuckin' selfish I am? Maybe that's what you want to know. Maybe, just maybe if I informed you of how shitty I really am, you'll stop worrying about me.

"I'm sorry, Joli." I mutter as I roll over onto my back. I stare up at the ceiling as I try to find the perfect words to tell her. "I guess I'm just having an off day. There's been a lot on my mind recently, and I guess that's really fuckin' with me."

Joli huffs sadly and I hear her shuffle on the bed. She's probably putting her back against the headboard, since she had been sitting in the middle of the bed.

"Is it Eric again?" Joli solemnly questions. "Has he been pulling his usual shit?"

A short, tart chuckle escapes my lips. Honestly, that's not a bad guess. Joli doesn't know how much Eric has done to me, and she doesn't need to know. I think she only know that he's been a prick to me, but I don't know. Fuck, for all I know, she could be aware of everything that's happened between me and him.

However, I really hope that's not the case. Eric has done a lot of shitty things to me, and even though I probably deserved them, she doesn't need to know about it.

Hell, I wish Joli didn't even know about how dark my mind has gotten. I tried so damn hard to shield her from that side of myself, but it seemed like the harder I tried, the more it fuckin' backfired on me.

I guess that's just how life works.

"No, it wasn't him. It wasn't anybody, really, aside from myself." I close my eyes, just to rest. "I've just been thinking a lot."