Half A Heart ♡ A Marcus Bontempelli Fanfic

thirty nine

I wake up in my now empty room wishing that the events of last night was all just a dream. I feel stupid, hurt and an absolute idiot for showing up at Marcus' house.

I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing. I shouldn't have even been driving. It was stupid. I regret the whole situation.

Everything that came out of his mouth I already knew but wished wasn't true. I'd distracted myself so much from my feelings and emotions that I tried to hide it so bad it just did the opposite. Last night, it all came out.

I wasn't in the right mind, I was drunk and all the alcohol almost convinced me that none of this was happening and that Marcus still loved me. But he didn't. He loves Tayla now and that hurt.

Now I didn't only have this whole situation to deal with but also my now unbearable migraine that had always been there but now gotten worse because of last night. I had things to do today but there was no way I wanted to ever show my face again. I was so embarrassed. I was leaving in less than a week. Do I really want to spend my last week here in bed, dwelling on my feelings?

I hear a knock on my door as I unconsciously ignore it until the knocks get harder and longer.

"Yeah?" I say, barely a whisper. I hadn't talked in such a long time my voice was raspy.

"Someone's here to see you, B." Says Daisy.

"I don't want-" I say but get cut off.

"Please, B." I hear another voice say.

"Come in." I say, hesitantly.

Jason opens the door gently as I continue to lay down, not getting up from my position. There's a still tension between us and it's filled the room. I feel him take a seat at the end of my bed.

"Bianca, I'm sorry for not reaching out to you." He says, barely a whisper. I couldn't really see him, I could only see his silhouette. All the blinds in my room were still shut and I wasn't planning on seeing any sunlight anytime soon either. He waits patiently for my answer. "Please talk." He says.

"Every time I talk I seem to muck it up." I say, blankly.

"Everyone's worried about you," He sighs "Especially me."

"Why's that?" I ask, rhetorically "I've got my whole life ahead of me. I leave in a week from all this and couldn't be any happier." I say, sarcastically.

"I know you're not okay."

"That's fine. You don't have to be okay all the time."

"But it's not normal to not be okay for long periods of times either."

I sit up on my bed, taking a deep breath as I stare into space.

"Jason, why are you here?" I sigh after a long pause.

"I feel bad for not reaching out to you straight away after what happened on the uh-" He says, hesitantly.

"The balcony?" I say, rolling my eyes.

"Yeah." He says, looking down.

"Why did you have to reach out?"

"Because I shouldn't have kissed you. It was wrong to do that to you and Marcus."

"But you didn't kiss me. I kissed you thinking you were.." I say, not wanting to say his name.

"I know and I should've stopped you."

"I'm going crazy." I cry.

"Bianca, please tell me what's up. I want to help you." He says, coming closer.

"I don't think people understand how hard it is to explain what's going on in your head when you don't even understand it yourself." I say, still staring blankly into space "Some days I blame him and other days I blame myself. Some days I draw it up as two people who simply didn't work out. Some days I can't stand thinking about him and other days he's the only thing on my mind, he's all I want to think of. Some days I pray to God asking him to hurry up and take him out of my heart, you know, to help me fall out of love with him. But we simply didn't just work out. He didn't fight for me as much as I fought for him. I'm no longer a priority when he's above all, to me. I'm no longer the one he loves but rather just a memory he can't seem to find. He broke my heart and burnt it. Because every time I think of him, my heart tightens up and I feel like it's in my mouth. I'm sick of tasting my own tears, not having enough energy to even wipe them away. I'm sick of feeling like it was all my fault and no one being there to pull me out of this sanity. I'm just sick of being here. Most days I can't make myself mad at him because I love him too much but other days I feel like taking away everything I had given him - my touches, my kisses, my sex, my love, my emotions, my loyalty, my time, my energy, my conversations, my compromises, my efforts, my vulnerability, myself. I hate the feeling that he's walking around happily on a daily basis whilst I walk around fucking disturbingly empty. I just want to take that all away from him. But maybe it'll be like that for a while - in and out of my emotions, back and forth in my mind and maybe I need to stop beating myself up because of it. I know better that the healing process takes time. But I will never forget the feeling of losing him, it was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me - all at once."

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Oh, Jason :( He just cares too much! We all need a Jason in our lives! Everything Bianca just said hurts. You can almost feel her pain :( Oh, Marcus what have you done?

What do we all think will happen? Maybe Marcus will reach out? Maybe Jason will help? Or will Bianca end up staying in good old Melbourne? Mhmm.. can't wait to share more with you all!!! This is the last update from me all, will still be updating on Saturday and all of next week so don't worry (: xx