Stony One Shots

Even Blue Lights Want To Stop Shinning

Summary :-: Steve finally realises what he's done
*After Civil War, and J.A.R.V.I.S is still a the AI system*

Warnings :-: Depression, alcoholism, implied suicide feelings/thoughts

Word Count :-: 2100

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When you think of Tony Stark what's the first word you think of? Strong? Iron Man? Brave? A murderer? The bad guy? Scary? Slag? Playboy? Billionaire? Genuine?  Bruce Wayne wannabe? Scumbag? Heartless?

You definitely wouldn't be thinking shattered, depressed, weak, and broken would you? Looking at the man of iron he looked happy, he has money, a wonderful team and a magnificent mind that most people can't even imagine having. But the day he lost everything, the day half his team walked away from him because he just wanted to do the right thing, the day he lost what would have possibly be the love of his life, everything he had ever felt, all the pain he felt at the loss of his parents, all the pain he felt when he was in space and dying, every low point he had ever felt in his life was nothing compared to this. Having the only thing that keeps him alive ripped form his chest felt like nothing compared to the pain he felt when he watched that blue, red and while shield with the prefect star in the middle drop on the flour next to his almost lifeless body was the most pain he had ever been in. His suit had taken most of the beating, but he was still in physical pain, but that pain would pass, the pain he felt everyday pinning for his friends to come home, for Steve to be in the living room mumbling about not understanding things and then having to have J.A.R.V.I.S explain them to him, and not understand that. Tony longed for a little happiness in his now pointless life.

He felt like the shell of a man, like his iron suits do when he isn't in them, empty and cold and longing for something or someone to pull him from this pit of depression he tried not to let himself fall back into. The endless pool of self hatred he had worked so hard in pulling himself out of only to be pushed back down and stomped all over by the only people he had loved and cared for.

But that was all in the past now and he had to move on. He wouldn't let it get to him anymore. He shouldn't let it get to him anymore. The past it that, the past, but it's hard to let go of something that doesn't want you to let got of it. Every day Tony's past calls, and he does his very best to not pick it up, he really does, but it's harder than you think to let all that pain and pent up trauma go just with the snap of a finger.

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So no matter what, I promise if you - if you need us. If you need me, I'll be there.

Steve xx

Tony had read over the letter a million times now and each time he did it left him feeling even worse than it did before. He just wanted to see Steve. He needed him, he craved him, he used to crave a get away, but Steve made him want to stay.

Before he knew it the bottom of the bottle was in plain sight and then with one last shot of good whiskey it was gone, so Tony reached over and grabbed another, and then another and three bottle later he was throwing up in the sink and walking to the elevator where he drunkenly slurred Steve's floor and was taken up to said floor.

Once the door was open he picked up one of Steve's jumpers that Tony had thrown on the floor and pulled it over his head and let his sent wash over him before he cuddled up with one of Steve's pillows and sobbed. Tony had crawled up the bed and was sat against the head bored, tears gushing down his face his sobs loud and distressing, ugly and violent. They hurt his chest, made him feel sick and the alcohol he had been drinking was already making him feel dizzy.