Janet.
Today was rehearsals. We'd driven overnight to The Woodlands and will be here for the next week.
We have two shows this week, then next week is a week off. Then we have to fly to Africa and get situated there.
When I woke up, I headed straight for the bathroom. Morning pees are such a necessity for me these days.
I opened the door and was shook by the sight. A pants-less Tip.
"Oh my." I squealed before shutting the door immediately. I sat back on my bed and held my pee.
He was still huge. His not-so-little tip is the he I'm referring to.
I heard him open the door and come into my area. "Sorry, I thought I locked the door." He said.
"No, that was me. I should've knocked."
There was an awkward silence before I got up and raced to the bathroom to release myself.
I needed Shawn.
At rehearsals...
"Hey boo!" The Kids yelled when I made my way into the room.
"Heyyy!" I said back giggling.
I needed to talk to Shawn, but I also needed to talk to Gil. He is literally my diary in human form.
I thought it'd be best I talk to Shawn first then however that goes, I could tell Gil about it, last night, and this morning all at once.
"Shawn." I called.
She got up and hinted for us to go to the backroom. I followed behind her into the room and into the storage closet.
She turned the light on and locked the door. She stood before me and crossed her arms.
"Kiss?" I asked with my lip out.
She looked at me with the straightest face so I just planted a kiss on her lips, even though she didn't kiss me back.
"How was your night, baby?" I said watching her sit in the chair in the corner of the closet. I sat on her lap facing her. "I missed you in my bed last night."
Still no response. Something obvious has gotten her more upset since the texts last night.
I ran my hands down her cheek. "Talk to me, Daddy. Tell me why I was a bad girl." I pouted.
I trailed my hand from her cheek, down her shirtless torso, to the strings of her sweats.
"I can be bad all by myself. That's fine with me." I said.
She stopped my hands just as I pushed them past her sweats and boxers. "Dry humping on stage, Booty? Really?"
I wrapped my arms around her neck and sighed. "Baby, that was the performer in me. You know I'd never do that off the stage."
"How am I supposed to know that?" She snapped.
Did she really not trust me? After all we've been through...
"If you can't fucking trust me then this relationship is over. How am I supposed to be with someone, no.. how am I supposed to love somebody and be in a fucking relationship if that person doesn't even trust me? That's the basic foundation of being in love with someone, Shawnette. You have to trust me. Do you?"
She hesitated.
I felt my eyes watering up. The love of my life thinks I'd just leave her. It's heartbreaking. "We're done." I said as I stood up.
I went for the door when I felt her grip on my arm. "Get the fuck off me!" I shouted.
She backed away stunned by my anger and because I said to. The one thing we made super clear to one another is that what is asked of one another should be respected. We're woman still at the end of the day and we don't want women's natural catty and attack instinct to come between us.
"Baby, I trust you." She said.
My hands covered my face as I began to cry. I didn't know what to think.
I felt her hand gently on my waist as she walked us back to the chair. She sat me on her lap again and removed my hands which revealed my tears.
"Aw, baby." She sighed as she wiped my face. "I trust you, mama. I honestly do."
"Then why all this?"
"All what?"
"This stress you put on me. You make me feel like a horrible girlfriend when you do things like this. I need you to trust me, Shawnette. You got me and I want you to feel that constantly." I cried.
She placed my head on her shoulder letting me cry myself out. "Booty, I trust you. It's the people around you that I don't trust. Look at you." She said as she lifted my head.
"You are beautiful and everybody knows it. Everybody wants a piece of what's mine and that is what bothers me."
"I love you." I said.
"I know that but sometimes things get shaky."
"And I'll still love you."
She sighed. "I know and I'm sorry. I'm letting you slip through my hands because of my own insecurities. I know you'd never cheat or leave me."
Aside from last nights confusion, I have never stepped out on Shawn. And what happened last night will never happen again.
I wiped my face and stared at her. She's so gorgeous and I'm so lucky. I placed a kiss on her lips.
"I love you, too." She said.
We just sat there quietly, even though the clock was running for practice. "Sleep with me tonight?"
"I'd love to." She responded.
"Eat me out tonight, too?"
She laughed as she lifted me up. "You are nasty."
I followed her out. "Is that a no?"
"Yes!" She shouted from in front of me before we both laughed.
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