Giving You My All

-12-

Shawn.

When I booked the emergency flight to the cabin. I didn't realize the season we were in. It was the middle of pre-winter and winter, that chilly breeze and little bit of sun, but not enough for a lightweight jacket.

Especially in Vermont. The cabin is probably covered in snow. Nothing heavy, but still covered.

My phone was ringing off the line, one call after another. It was honestly driving me kinda crazy. Janet called then Gil called then Janet called again then Gil texted, then Janet texted and called right after.

I finally listened to a voicemail sent by Gil, and to my surprise, it was Janet's voice.

"My love, I am so so sorry. What I said was wrong and it should've never been said. I love you so much and I don't want to lose you. You're my everything too. Please call back."

She sounded so genuine, but the thing with Janet is she always does. That's the tone she gives off. Her voice is so soft and comforting, even the meanest things sound like you're floating on a cloud.

I looked out the window of the plane, and drifted to sleep thinking about her.

Janet.

I looked out the window of the plane and the only thing on my mind was Shawn. We missed her at the airport but we must be only an hour or two behind her on the plane.

I turned around and saw Joey and his brother, Tommy, sleeping in their usual spots. Then there was Gil, who was burning a hole in my skull.

"What? Why you staring at me like that?" I snapped.

His eyebrow rose. He got up and sat himself across from me. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yes."

"Good, so when I murder you, remember that."

I rolled my eyes. "What'd I do? I literally going after your beloved Shawn right now. A sixteen hour flight for her spoiled ass." I groaned.

"You said you wanted to be with Q-Tip in the public eye. Yeah, Joey told me. Dunk, what the fuck? Why would you— How could you say something like that if you are dating Shawn? That's so foul."

I was tired of him bitching at me all about how I do Shawn wrong when she's the one who always starts shit up between us.

"Gil Duldulao. Tell me this, is it wrong for her to to doubt her and I's relationship? Or for her to accuse me of cheating on her, before anything with Tip and I even happened? Or to call other women? Or maybe flirting with one of my best friends in my face? Huh? Is that fucking fair for her to do? I'm tired of you and her at this point. I bet she didn't tell you how she cheated on me in the beginning of our relationship because I wouldn't let her in my bed. So she went to someone else's bed. Or the time she kissed Tish in front of me at girl's night then freaked out when I hugged Matthew at a venue. Maybe you know about the time she woke up from our bed and spent four hours talking to her skank of an ex girlfriend. You sit here and judge me for my mistakes, but your holy friend has made mistakes too. I am still always trying to be with her, no matter how many times she disrespects me. So, please. Save it."

By the end of spilling over my tea, I was balling my eyes out. Nobody knows about how many times Shawnette has fucked me over because it's not something I try to dwell on.

Plus, our relationship is lowkey, so it's not like I can vent to anyone about it.

"Dunk, I'm— I had no clue." He said trying to hold my hand, but I snatched it.

"And yet you judge me. Gil, please, leave me alone."

He did as asked and returned to his seat. I cried for God knows how long before I fell to sleep. I didn't realize out long my soul was harboring on all the shit Shawn put me through in our soon-to-be year relationship, but I needed to vent about it.

14 hours later...

I left Joey, Tommy, and Gil at the hotel after I got the address from Tina of Shawn's cabin. I drove myself just for a piece of peace. It was snowy, which made the streets slippery but I made it.

I jogged up the stairs and stood in front of her door.

I looked through the glass, it was blurry, but I could see her figure in front of what appeared to be the fireplace. She had something in her hand, maybe a cup of coffee or a book.

I knocked on the door and watched as her head turned towards the door. I could tell she knew who it was by the way she stared at the glass and hesitated.

She walked over anyway and unlocked the door. She opened the door and stared at me.

"Hi, Shawn." I said softly.
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