Shawn.
"First, how are you?" I asked. I was genuinely concerned about her. She seemed off. Her face just wasn't the same.
She nodded.
"Okay, well, Gil told me more about your son. I should have let you explain. I have a short temper, but that is no excuse for not letting you explain what you trying to explain. I know it probably feels like it's too late, but I am willing to listen if you want to explain it to me. I want to understand and not just jump down your throat."
She remained silent and just kept her eyes on fingers that she was messing with.
"Baby, please." I pleaded.
"Shawn. I love you so much. I really do but you feeling bad about something you did is so ineffective. I told you already. I said stop fighting me. Stop trying to find reasons not to be together, and what do you do? You bash me, my son, and ultimately may have destroyed this relationship. I wanted to explain it to you, honestly, because I thought you'd be in my life forever and it wasn't something I could keep from you forever."
"Explain it to me now. I am listening, babe."
"Stop with the 'baby' and 'babe' shit. You don't get to call me that after..." She stopped and put her head down.
I knew she was crying by the way her breathing sped up. As much as I wanted to comfort her, she didn't want me to.
Her head rose and tears were falling from her eyes. To my surprise she came closer and kissed me.
Her tears made the kiss salty but her lips were sweet. I felt like it was wrong for me to continue kissing her while half of her was still mad at me.
She pulled back and ran into the bathroom.
Running my hands down my face, I was confused. But, I sat and waited for her to come out. It took some time, but she did.
"Shawn, I slept with Q-Tip last night."
In that very moment, I could feel my heart burst and shatter into a million pieces. Time stopped and everything became dark. "You're kidding."
She was still crying as she spoke, "I'm not. I am so sorry."
I couldn't move.
Janet.
I looked at Shawn and she looked like someone had just killed her mother. I knew I'd just broken her heart.
"I don't think we're healthy for each other." I started. "You hurt me, I hurt you. I hurt you, you hurt me. We are toxic and a problem waiting to happen."
"We had a good run." I said.
It might've sounded insensitive but I have to be the grown up here. Right now, we are like two high schoolers who been together since middle school and just won't break up because it's comfortable and the longevity of it all. She cheats, I forgive her. I cheat, she forgives me. It's a never ending cycle of toxicity and if we keep it up, someone is going to go to the point of no return.
"I want to be with you, Shawn. I want to marry you and have kids with you. None of that is going to change. What has to change is us. We are too immature to be together right now. We need time apart so we can have the right time together down the line."
Breaking up with Shawn is the hardest thing I've ever done, besides giving up Shai. This is something that needs to be done though. I'm giving us our best shot at a happy ending.
She finally spoke. "So.. we're breaking up?"
"Haven't we been?" I asked smartly.
She scoffed and got up. I moved in her way. "I'm sorry, that was insensitive. Yes. I think we need to break up, but I will never stop loving you. I do want to be with you in the end. I need to know you understand that."
"And if you find someone else? You love too hard to not end up wanting someone else." She said.
"You. You are my end." I said as I caressed her hand.
"And if I'm not?"
It was evident she didn't want to break up. "You are. I promise." I assured her.
She nodded. "Okay." She dug in her pocket and pulled out a box. I was very unfamiliar with what she going to do next. It shocked me.
She knelt on her knees and looked up at me. "Sit with me, real quick." She insisted.
I sat criss-crossed in front of her. She opened the box and showed the blinding ring inside. It was a simple band laced with diamonds.
"I bought this... I was going to propose to you in hopes of winning you back. That was wrong of me to think this was the way. And now that this is over, I was starting to think there was no reason for it." She said. I looked down embarrassed. "I want you to have it still."
My head shot up. "What? Why?"
She spoke as she unchained her necklace. "I want you to wear it around your neck. This will let me know that our relationship is still possible and that when the time is right, I can put it on your finger." She said before looping the ring on the chain. "Will you?"
I smiled and nodded. "Of course I will." I turned and lifted my hair before feeling the cold necklace go around my neck. When she locked it, I turned to her.
"So, this is it?" She asked.
"For now." I said lowly. "I love you, Shawn."
She chuckled and placed a kiss to my forehead. "I love you, too, babygirl. I'll see you." She said getting up and walking out.
I felt a tear come down my cheek before quickly wiping it. I latched onto the ring and just sat there.
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Going out and I better not come back to y'all cussing up a storm!!! 😂 Behave!
