Janet.
When Joey told me that Tina died, I cried for hours on top of hours. It's the next day and all I can do is cry because my best friend is gone.
My best friend is gone and she died thinking I didn't give two shits about her. All I can do is beat myself about it. I was a horrible friend and she deserved better than me.
I turned to Joey, who stayed the night. "She hated me, didn't she?" I cried.
He pulled me into the thousandth hug since last night. "JJ, she knew you loved her. You are just stubborn and busy, but she knew. If anything, she was the only one who believed you still cared and loved us." He said.
When we said "us," my mind drifted to Shawn.
"Where is Shawn? I want to be with her." I said getting up. I threw on some clothes and shoes before turning to Joey again. "Where is she? She will overwork herself trying to keep her mind off things. Please. I need to get to her."
"Gil said she went to her spot."
"The cabin again?"
"Oh no. Her new spot. It's a lake up in Mount Lana. She camps there." He answered.
"How far?"
"20 minutes from here, I'd say."
"We're going."
I went downstairs and saw Mother and Shai together. "I'm going with Uncle Joey. Mother if you need anything, call Tommy." I told her.
"Okay, baby. You wanna talk before you go?"
"No, I have to gl see someone." I grinned.
"Okay," she said, "tell Mama bye." She said to Shai.
"Bye Mama."
"Bye, baby." I gave him a kiss and then one to Mother before leaving.
Shawn.
I sat at the dock skipping rocks. I am not okay.
Tina has become one of my greatest friends over the last year. We connected on a level that most couldn't. She is, was, she was special to me.
The doctors said stress sparked her cancer and it went straight to her heart. I was just on my way to see her so we could watch a movie or play a stupid board game.
"Shawn."
I knew that voice from anywhere.
"Leave me alone." I said lowly. Too low maybe, because she didn't listen.
I saw Janet take the spot next to me on the dock and cross her legs. "How are you?" She asked.
I chuckled. "Now you care? What about the last year, huh?" I snapped. "You are so fake. You leave us all in dust but when shit goes left, you wanna pop up. Fuck you Janet! Fuck you!" I got up and made my way to my car.
"Shawn, please." I heard her cry.
I whipped around, "Please, what? What about my pleases! What about when I needed you! You gave zero fucks, Janet." I screamed now with tears rolling down my cheeks like a leaky faucet.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have disappeared." She said.
We were both crying now as she continued. "But you broke m-my heart, Shawn. No matter what, I never treated you like I hated you." She said.
"You did! You left me for a year. You took the ring off!"
"I took it off because you hurt me!" She shouted.
"I hurt you because you hurt me!" I shouted back.
She sighed and the conversation came to a stop as she began pacing. "This exactly why we broke up. We don't know how not to hurt each other. I chase you, you don't want m—"
"Don't even finish that sentence. Every time I go after you, you fuck up. Remember Tip? Remember 'he's the better option for me,' huh? You're the fuck up, Janet."
"So are you! You never take responsibility!"
I chuckled and threw my hands up. "You know what, I am not doing this with you. I broke your heart, I am the fuck up. Happy? Now, leave. Keep not caring." I said heading back on my path to the car.
"I still love you, Shawnette." I heard her say.
The words I've been waiting to hear for a year. I have cried so many nights thinking how things went so left with Janet and I. I wanted to go to her everyday and kiss her and have what we had. But, I thought she didn't want me.
I turned around, "How can you? Last year, I might've broken your heart, but you've been shredding mine every day since you took that necklace off. I haven't had one peaceful night, or day, matter of fact." I said feeling my tears coming back.
"Shawn, when I took the necklace off, I was hurt. I wanted you to hurt as well. But that doesn't mean I don't love you." She said coming closer to me.
"Janet, I can't." I sighed as she left me between her and a tree that I backed myself into. "There's too much hurt that comes with your love."
"Yours too. But I crave it. I want to try again. Please, Shawn." She pleaded.
I shook my head. "Janet, please. Leave me be. Let me go." I cried.
"I cannot. I have tried for the last year. You're mine, you know that, and I know that. Please, let's give us one chance."
"It won't work. We aren't good for each other, you said that."
She closed the space between us and the front of our bodies were now pressed up against each others. "We are. I promise. We just needed time. If I had the ring, I would be wearing it right now. I would want it on my finger. Shawn, I want you." She said.
"Janet. I—"
She shut me up as she crashed her lips into mine.
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