matty healy, falling in love over night

hold your breath

24th of may - 6 days until tour- 3 days until grace and matty go home

we spent days lounging in the sun, it was all so perfect, well it was. everything was perfect until 3am. i woke up to the shutters banging against the wall and the moon shining through.
"matty?" i mumbled, my hand feeling the cold space where he should be. i shot up in bed instantly panicking. i grabbed my phone. no notifications.
i threw on mattys champion hoodie and walked out of the door using my phone as a torch
"matty?" i called moving throughout the villa towards the outside.
"matty are you there?" the only reply i got was a low cry. my body tingled and i felt the world fall apart in front of me
"matty?" i whispered once more knowing fair well he was here this time.
"immm heuuur" he stumbled through the words. i instantly felt sick, i walked over to side of the pool where he sat slumped against the wall.
"oh matty" i cried moving his hair out of his face and cupping his cheeks
"what's happened?" i asked. spit formed on his lip and he shrugged his arms
"i'm ... i .. dunno gwacey i'm scawed" he sounded like a child and this terrified me because i couldn't tell if he was drunk or high.
"matty i have to ask, have you used baby?" his dark brown eyes looked at me, on the verge of tears and filled with sadness and regret. he had.
"i ... gwace i had to get clean and i thow-w-wt if i did did did it hewre it would help" i nodded, i understood. i was angry and hurt but i had to hide that right now, it wasn't the time.
"we have to get you away from the pool"
"why?" he asked
"because matty, you could hurt yourself here" i said offering my hand. he grabbed it and pulled himself up, we walked to the deck chairs
"wait here" i told him. i ran into the kitchen to pour a glass of water and dialled george's number. i needed him

*ringing george*
"grace?" george's familiar voice sang down the phone
"it's 1am over here you okay?" he asked. i instantly broke down
"grace?" he asked again
"matty ... he's used again. he said he had to, to get clean" there was nothing but silence down the phone
"george? what do i do i'm all alone"
"sh sh grace, paracetamol, a bucket and plenty of water and i'll be on the. first flight out"
"he's gonna hate me for telling you"
"it's not up. to you to save him, if you need to grace i wouldn't blame you for walking away"
i listened to his words before hearing matty call me
"i've gotta go george. i love you"
"love you and see you soon"

as soon as he put the phone down i felt just as alone. he was coming though. i walked back out with the water, bucket and paracetamol.
"i'm sorry" he mumbled through his hands.
"i know matty" i said stroking his curls, god i would miss this. could i leave? i didn't know myself. everything had been so perfect but clearly not enough to stop him.
"grace!" he said clasping his hands over his mouth as i passed him the bucket and held his curls back crying silently.
"sh sh it's okay baby" i said comforting him, as soon as he was done i soothed his back.
"i'm so sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry" he repeated over and over. i pulled out my phone to see it was now 4am and a message from george

*3 messages from george*

george: first flight at 3am
george: leaving for airport now
george: couple hours n ill be there. u got this till then

i smiled, my giant was coming to save me. matty had passed out on my lap and the sun was still very distant. i threw my head back and began to cry again. i couldn't believe this was happening, i thought we were good, i thought he was okay.

at 5am the sun started to rise, i slid mattys head off my lap and walked to the pool. firstly just letting my legs trail in the cool water, i stared out on to the beach, i couldn't believe days ago we were down there. i took mattys hoodie off, leaving me in my victoria secrets black lace bra and matching underwear i slid into the water. firstly wincing at the cold, then i began to sink, letting myself fall to the bottom. i held the stairs so i couldn't float up, ringing began in my ears and i started to scream. it didn't make a sound overwater so i truly went for it; my legs thrashed and throat screamed for air. i held it as long as i could before i rose to the top.

i saw matty, sat up straight, staring at me. i pushes my hair out of my face and wiped my eyes
"you okay baby?" i asked. he looked at me tilting his head
"why did you do that?" i shrugged, half my body still concealed by the water
"i needed to breathe" i answered
"without air?" he asked again, i nodded
"yes" a slight smile escaped his lips before he sipped some water
"lay with me?" he asked from the sun bed. i nodded emerging from the pool and shrugging his hoodie back on before tying my hair behind me.
i slipped into his arms and spooned him at 5am in greece. this is how i would remember us. the fact that we remained throughout it all.

it was 9am when george arrived. in skinny black jeans a white t-shirt. i smiled and nodded my head towards a sleeping matty who i had left on the sun bed while i sat on a wall staring at the sea
"you okay?" he asked pulling in for a tight hug, i didn't have to lie to george
"i thought it was okay, i thought he was doing well"
"i know kid, it's not your fault. we all thought he was okay" matty started to mumble at this point
"why don't you get some sleep? i can take it from here for a while" i nodded
"thankyou george"
"love you"
"love you" i replied.

i trudged back into the villa. there were two things i had to do before i slept. firstly i wrote matty a letter, wether i would ever give to him or not was undecided, secondly i looked at the polaroid's we took the other day, and i wished with everything that we could go back, i wished i could be enough. i changed out of my wet underwear into a new set, baby pink, and shrugged my black shorts on and my white tank top before climbing into the half empty bed and letting myself sleep