matty healy, falling in love over night

ending

26th of june

"one more concert then we are home boys" matty sang to the others backstage, they were going on soon and i knew they were still nervous
"good i miss my bed" joked ross, adam smiled at carly, i knew they'd be glad to resume normal life
"nah i'll miss it" said george, i got a sick feeling inside me, wouldn't matty miss it?
"yeah i know mate, me too" matty agreed, i'd forgotten this was mattys job. of course he would miss it
"but i got my girl and a baby to think of" he cheesed pulling me into a hug
"you'll come back one day" jamie said, the boys nodded
"oh yeah, new album will bring new shit" matty agreed. he wouldn't .. he wouldn't leave me would he?
he turned to me and smiled as if he could read my mind
"we need to talk about this" i mumbled, his smile stayed put and he nodded
"later" he told me

the boys ran on stage minutes later as the crowd screamed for them. i imagined the rush the boys felt upon the stage. then i thought about myself, ever since matty and the boys had come back into my life every thing had faded. i guess i couldn't solely blame them for that, ever since lia had died i had no direction. she pushed me to write, i'd had nobody doing that since she left.
of course i'd wrote little bits here and there, but nothing major. nothing like i used to. and that upset me.
i wanted a career. i wanted matty to keep his.
we had a child on the way and is just realised we hadn't talked about any of this.
my heart began racing and i felt instantly sick, i shot a warning at Jamie before i headed outside via the back stage.
i let my back collide with the wall as i tried to regain my breath. my hand reached for my chest as i steadied and the world stopped spinning. i let my face drop into my palms and the tears began.
i was nineteen, i couldn't fathom what was happening anymore. i'd felt off for months and now i new why.
i hadn't had direction in a long time. i always s prided myself on being an independent woman, i wanted to be my own person. that's the message i wanted to pass along to my child. and i wasn't doing a very good job.
i started to think about our future. matty with a 9-5 job ... he would hate it. he could never live that lire. we could lie to one another and ah it would be enough but music was his life. he wouldn't give it up and he shouldn't have to.
i pulled out my phone and made a note of things i needed to do

- talk to matty
- re think education
- start a five year plan
- write

these were things that were important to me in this moment and i wanted to make sure i checked them all off. i heard the door click as jamie walked out

"you okay kiddo?" he asked leaning against the wall, i nodded
"yeah .. just emotions" i laughed, he smiled at me
"if you're worried about another tour .. don't be, he won't do it" , this hurt my chest, i couldn't put my finger on why, perhaps i didn't want him to give up what he loved
"he loves you too much, it will be hard for him but i know he'll do it for you" jamie continued
"i'm scared that he will end up hating me if he does" i replied
"he could never hate you" jamie said
"jamie you know this band is his life" , jamie faltered for half a second
"so are you" he said
"but is that enough?" i asked, the question hung in the air, neither of us spoke
"i'm gonna-" i started unable to finish while the thought of matty hating me flooded my mind
"go back to the hotel?" jamie asked 
"yeah ... yeah i think that's the best idea right now" i told him, he nodded
"i'll let matty know, and kid? it will all be okay" , i smiled at jamie. he meant well but i knew that this was mattys life. he could lie and say he'd be okay giving it up but he never would be, not truly.

the matty i knew always wanted to travel and play music. not have a kid. and i knew that if he stayed he would hate me one way or another.
i could t stop the events that would happen, and if delayed then for too long. me and matty had to take tonight and i knew god i knew deep down that this was the end of us.

9pm

mattys pov

in the taxi back home george was sprawled al over me
"oioi one last gig n then we home boys" ross boomed, i smiled. i was going to miss this, the way we all ended up high and happy at the end of the night. usually grace would be here, her small hand in mine. my hand would find her stomach and placed upon it i would imagine our future.
i couldn't lie i was going to miss your, how the boys and me had the best times of our life on stage. it would be hard to give up. it i knew i could do it for her.
i could do anything for grace hell i got clean for her.
i knew she was worried that it would be too hard for me to give up the life i asu's wanted but i knew i would return somehow, one day we would come back to this.
"what you thinking about mate?" george asked throwing me a curve
"life mate" i replies
"grace?" he asked, i nodded
"you're gonna be a good dad" he told me
"you think?"
"yeah .. yeah i do" he laughed
"imma miss this" i barley whispered, his eyes turned dark
"don't you dare matty"
"what?" i asked taken back
"don't throw what you have away for this"
"i'm not george .. that's not it. it's just, what will i do without this? without the band? i'm gonna miss this so much" , he nodded
" i know but you gotta talk to your girl about this. i know she's worried about what's going on in your head" , i laughed at this before shoving him off me.
he was right, me and grace needed to talk about what was going on in our heads before we did anything else.

as we pulled up to the hotel my stomach felt uneasy and i couldn't place my finger on it. perhaps sit was the weed or the fact tomorrow was our last show. maybe i was scared to talk to grace?
i walked up the stairs and placed my key card in the door before swinging it open and calling graces name
"grace?"