matty healy, falling in love over night

we were before

10:57

shit.
i opened my eyes to see my head resting on mattys chest and his arm around me. fuck. i had to get out of this before he woke up. i inched towards the side of the bed trying my hardest to not wake him. i didn't want our plan to be compromised by my feelings but at the same time i think that we had both forks enough. maybe we could give us another go? we fell back into our old rhythm with no issues. there was definitely still a spark

matty was wide eyed and looking at me by the time i pulled myself back to reality.

"morning" he said in his raspy voice

"morning" i whispered back

"sleep well?" he asked

i had. the best sleep in the whole month we'd been apart but i'd never let him know he held that power over me.

"was okay" i shrugged, he gave me a side smile like he could read my mind.

he leaned over the side of the bed to my side table to retrieve his phone while i slumped against my headboard.

my mind thought about last night. thought about all of it.
how close we were to fucking
how he kissed my forehead like he use to
how good he looked in the towel
how he cleaned the flat
how he made me feel like we could actually work

i also thought about our baby, the sex scan was next week. i also has an interview at university. just a final check to make sure i'm still update it since i will miss abit of schooling due to the baby and it will be difficult to juggle everything.
i was ready though. i really think this is my time to shine.
got my baby on the way, got matty back in my life and it's seemingly going well. university is looking good.

for the first time i can see life going well and i feel so happy i could scream. nothing could ruin this surely

"shit" he muttered pulling me out of my day dream

"something happened?" i asked him

"uh no nothing i just gotta go" he said

he practically leaped out of my bed, shrugging off lewis' sweatpants and pulling his own pants back on. i watched him do all this while he watched his phone. i thought things had changed. they hadn't. he was still just as distant and we were still just as broken.

"is there a problem matty? maybe i can help i don't know?"

matty didn't even acknowledge me. he looked straight through me like i was invisible. i felt like we were exactly where we were a couple months ago. him right next to me but absolute miles away.

"matty?" i asked

"uh could you unlock the door for me please?" he finally answered without taking his eyes off his phone

"any fucking thing else?" i muttered to myself

we walked to the front door before i opened it without looking at him. i wanted him out and i wanted him gone. i really didn't know how i was considering giving us another go.

"cya round babe" he said leaving the house cold

i was so angry i felt like screaming. instead i slammed the door and locked it placing the key on the hook by the door. i walked back to my room to see my window a little open.
i closed it and rested my head against the glass to watch matty walk towards a car. it was black and shiny, the type only rich people have. or people in movies

the sun shifted so i could see in. gabby was sat in the drivers seat.
she leant over once he got in and kissed him. he kissed her back. clear as day. he didn't pull away. he didn't look surprised. he kissed her back. he ...

i was speechless

i thought about last night and how it must have meant less than nothing to him when it meant so much to me.

i was really considering trying to work things out between us. i was ready to move on from everything. i meant less than nothing to matty and i was glad i knew where i stood.

i also felt like i needed answers. it took them just a month to fall back into this rhythm but last time i checked he promised there was nothing there. nothing between them.

but there is no way in hell those two just fell back into it. i don't care. i refuse it. something is or has been going on between them for a long while. i felt it in paris. i felt it in madrid.

i felt sick to my stomach is what i felt.

i clutched my growing tummy in order to not throw up everywhere.

i heard the door lock click and before i knew it i heard kian yelling

"WE ARE HOME!"

"ILL BE THERE IN TWO MINS" i yelled back while still looking out of the window.

they'd pulled away now. god knows where. i didn't care but i was owed an explanation.
i couldn't fathom how he could change just like that. was he back on drugs? he was certainly acting like it. his erratic behaviour and making me think we had something when i was nothing but a distraction.
i needed answers and i knew exactly who i had to ask to get them. i just didn't know if she would want to talk to me.