All This Time

A Little Awkward

The next day, Byleth awoke to see Claude sitting on the desk with a sharp dagger in his hands. He was looking at it pensively, and Byleth immediately snapped awake.

C-Claude...No..!

Immediately alarmed, Byleth slid out of bed and hurried to him deftly. Claude didnt move, he just ran his finger across the sharp blade, not acknowledging Byleth's presence. He had been lost in thought, so as she knocked the dagger out of his grasp, Claude only blinked.

"W-What are you doing, Teach?" Claude questioned, shifting his eyes towards her. Byleth could hardly control how panicky she was. She kept glancing back and forth between him and the dagger, a distraught expression on her face. Claude only looked confused, with a blank expression compared to her panicked one.

"C-Claude, I know that yesterday was hard, but I don't want you to kill yourself," Byleth scolded, a disapproving and hurt look in her eyes. A life without Claude...? I can't bear it. I don't know how he did five years like that. "P-Please, I need you, like you need me..."

"What...? Oh, Teach, that's...not what I was doing," Claude explained, glancing over towards where the blade was laying on the ground. "I was just thinking about a story Sylvain once told me."

Wait.

"S-So you weren't trying to hurt yourself?" Byleth made sure that her beloved was okay. He shook his head from side to side. She knew it seemed like she was jumping to conclusions, but Byleth that hard times could be met with desperate measures. After all, Byleth herself had tried to commit suicide after Jeralt's death...When Byleth had seen Claude so distraught yesterday, she immediately figured that the pain was too much. She was glad he was stronger than that. "Oh...Good."

"Trust me, Teach, now that you're here...There's no need to," Claude joked halfheartedly. While Byleth had thought it had just been his attempt to lighten the mood, she had no idea that some of the scars on his arms weren't just from battle. "Um...Why did you think I would hurt myself so quickly...?"

"O-Oh! Well, you know...With what I tried to do after...um...my father died," Byleth rushed the end part of her sentence, even though it still hurt to talk about it. "Plus, um..."

"Relax, Teach. It's okay....I understand."

"Ok, but the thing is...Well, actually, someone told me that you tried to...you know," Byleth alluded to the situation nervously, watching him freeze up once again. "That's...the real reason I know."

"Wouldn't you try if you were left all alone?" Claude chuckled bitterly, a hysterical, high pitched giggle escaping his lips every now and then. "I was alone. And depressed. And I wanted a way out. I trusted you for so long, and that last fifth year was awful."

"C-Claude, I'm so sorry," Byleth stuttered, knowing that she was treading on dangerous territory. "B-But I need to know...You wouldn't...kill yourself now, would you? I-I don't mean to sound narcissistic, but I'm here now. I'm not going to leave you alone."

"I know," Claude replied shortly, a glinting look in his emerald eyes. "Killing myself wasn't even on the agenda today."

How can he joke about that?

"C-Claude..Don't even say that," Byleth scolded sternly. "I need you, my love. Just like you need me."

"I know," Claude sobered up, the smile dropping from his face. He couldn't help it; in a stressful situation, all he could think about was making a joke. "I'm sorry. It's just.."

"...Claude, you're a lot stronger than me," Byleth told him softly, and he furrowed his brow at her in confusion. "Do you know why?"

He shook his head from side to side, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. Byleth reaches over to grasp his hand lightly.

"It's because you were able to hold yourself together while I was gone. Do you know what I would do if you were gone?" Byleth frowned, not wanting to think of that sort of situation. "I would have killed myself. Claude, I know that those five years were hard on you...But you showed a lot of resilience. I love you for sticking through those five years."

"...I barely hung on," Claude reminded her, looking away from her. She frowned, leaning over his legs so she could still look at him.

"But you managed to do it."

"...Teach...I'm just scared," Claude confessed, still keeping his eyes to the ground. She watched his expression remain calm even as he spoke. "Scared that I'll lose you, scared that we'll lose support, scared that we'll lose this war...I can't handle any of that happening."

"I know. Which is why we'll handle everything together."

"...Teach, do you think that I'm weak?" Claude questioned instead, ignoring her proposition. "It's not now where things are hard. It was before. I'll...appreciate your help, but the present isn't the problem. It's the past."

"...I know..." Byleth sighed. "W-What can I do to change that...?"

"I told you. Just don't leave me. Please..."

"Okay," Byleth agreed again for his sake, knowing that he needed to hear the reassurance as many times as he could. "...The very first thing you get to do today, though, is relax."

"No-"

"We just finished a battle," Byleth shook her head in disagreement. "Judith just got here. The morale is high, and we didn't suffer many losses during the battle at Aileil. The Golden Deer can handle the work for today. Please, just take a break."

Claude hesitated, biting his lower lip once again as he thought about her offer.

"Okay," He relented finally, after a long moment of silence. Byleth breathed a sigh of relief. "But you have to stay here with me."

"Oh, Claude..."

"Please," He said desperately, a pleading look in his emerald irises. Byleth sighed decisively, glancing around with an unsure expression.

It's only one day...

The Deer can handle it.

He needs you.

Claude come before the war, remember?

Byleth swallowed, removing herself of her indecisiveness, and made her decision.

"Okay. I'll stay."

sorry for slower updates :/

always open to suggestions if you have any, car guarantee they'll be used but i like hearing them :)

ty for reading ❤️