All This Time

Let Her Go

Claude was still passed out when Byleth awoke.

She smiled hazily, lazily blinking the sleep out of her eyes. He looked so peaceful as he rested in her arms, and Byleth cuddled closer to him. Her arm that was resting underneath him was starting to fall asleep, but she couldn't care less.

He was finally with her, and that was what mattered.

This was what she loved. Just waking up with him again was wondrous. Byleth hadn't noticed when he was gone, but now this he was back, she no longer felt alone. Seeing him in his most vulnerable state really illustrated how much he loved and trusted her. Byleth would never stop taking pride in knowing that he trusted her more than anyone else.

However, the glow of the morning could not last forever. After mere minutes, Byleth began to ponder the thoughts this had been plaguing her mind as of late.

Rhea won't speak up...

I still don't know anything about myself...

Edelgard is dead...

And I killed her.

Dammit, Byleth! Pull yourself together! Byleth scolded herself mentally, disapproving in her emotions. That was one thing that was annoying about finally having feelings; now things actually haunted her. She had never been guilty before she met Claude, and gained feelings... You had to kill her. You saw what she did to Claude...

But...she was my student.

For heavens sake, she was not your student! Byleth swore she heard Sothis inside of her head yelling again, but she was smart enough to realize it was her brain trying to materialize someone for her to complain to. She was not a Golden Deer, you never taught her once.

Do you think I- no, Byleth cut her train of thought off, knowing it was unhealthy to pursue the 'what if's' of a scenario. It was something she had told Claude not to do, she couldn't go and become a hypocrite now! ...Why do I even feel guilty? She brushed me aside once my hair turned green, and she couldn't support me. I know that. When my father died, she couldn't even help me through a tough time. So why...?

Byleth tried to wipe the memory from her mind, but it lingered in her thoughts. She frowned, trying to think of anything except for the deceased Emperor.

The flowers growing in the greenhouse. An assortment of pastel yellow, baby blue, and a shade of lavender.

Lavender like Edelgard's eyes...

No.

The calm sky, sprinkled with fluffy clouds. An eagle soared in the sky serenely, flapping its majestic wings as it hunted down it's prey.

Unflappable and elegant...Edelgard was just like her mascot.

Stop. Byleth furrowed her brow in frustration at herself, annoyed. She opened her eyes, her gaze landing upon her beloved's features. Finally, the answer dawned on her.

Why would I think of Edelgard...when I can think of Claude instead?

Byleth snickered to herself, satisfied with her conclusion. It certainly wouldn't reduce the guilt, but she wanted to take her mind off of Edelgard forever.

"You know, Teach, I don't think you're supposed to read while eating."

Byleth lowered her book slightly to see the Golden Deer house leader in front of her. Of course, those were the good days before her hair was green, before she'd gained the Sword of the Creator, and before her father had passed. But at the same time...those were the days where she found herself longing for emotion. The days where she hadn't even been able to feel except for...

Except for when she was around Claude.

"I'm being productive," Byleth responded, cursing herself inside of her head as her voice immediately perked up. She was involuntarily emoting whenever he was around. While it felt nice, she was mostly confused by herself. She lifted a fork full of steak up to her face pointedly. "Reading up on lesson plans while eating. Productive."

"Uh...I'm not too sure on how productive that is," Claude chuckled, sitting down next to her. While he was hiding something behind his eyes, all Byleth wanted to do was let her guard down around him. Foolish, she knew. But she couldn't help it; something about him was just incredibly enticing. "I've heard that by doing two things at one time, you actually lower the productivity of both tasks. Your brain isn't focused on either activity, so the quality of your work lowers."

"Well, this seems to be working just fine for me," Byleth replied, turning a page. She continued to read as Claude sat next to her, not bothering in starting a conversation. She was too immersed in her lesson plan, she wanted to make a good impression on her students!

Of course, because of this fact, she missed the mischievous twinkle in his eyes. As Byleth moved her fork outwards towards him slightly, he leaned down and bit the steak right off of utensil. Claude chewed, chuckling as she just stared at him in shock. Then a smirk grew on her face.

"Claude?"

"Oh, Teach," Claude stood hurriedly upon seeing the irritated look upon her face, a gleeful look in his eyes. "Think I've got to go! See you around, thanks for the bite~"

"Get back here right now!"

Byleth subconsciously smiled upon remembering that fond instance. She sat up, peering over at his face again. He was still unconscious; this was the first real sleep he'd had in a week, after all. Byleth checked the clock, grimacing. She should probably get up; it was two hours past noon, already meaning that Byleth had skipped about half the day already. She was surprised no one had come to bother them.

Claude looked so incredibly calm as he rested in her arms. His features were much more dashing once he was finally allowed a moment of repose. Byleth ran her hand down his cheek gently, caressing him lovingly.

Then he grinned lazily, startling Byleth and making her jerk her hand backwards.

"Are you looking at my face again?" Claude asked sleepily, his eyes still closed, and Byleth blushed bright red. Aaaaaand he already knows. How embarrassing!

"Nope," Byleth lied, but Claude just chuckled and shifted in her arms.

"I think you were," Claude repeated softly as she continued to blush.

"I was not!"

"Are you sure?" Somehow, his grin grew wider as he slowly opened his emerald eyes, his gaze focusing on her teasingly. Byleth felt pleasant chills run down her spine as he looked at her. "I mean, I already know how much you love to stare at me..."

"W-Well, who wouldn't?" Byleth rolled her eyes playfully, feeling her cheeks heat up even more. "You're incredibly handsome. Even when I wasn't madly in love with you I could have told you that."

"Madly in love with me?" Claude smirked. "Well, luckily for you, I'm crazy about you too. Maybe borderline obsession, but...'

"Oh, trust me," Byleth smiled mischievously, a knowing look in her eyes. "I'm the same way."

She leaned forward, kissing him gently. He obliged, meeting her embrace with soft passion, and Byleth couldn't help the wondrous rush of warmth that flooded her body. As she reveled in his kiss, all memories of Edelgard disappeared completely.

This is what I killed her for.

I'd do it again and again if it meant he lived.

With that resolve, Byleth vowed to never feel guilty ever again. He pulled her closer to him, and Byleth let out a sound of approval as he kissed her. Claude teasingly bit her bottom lip gently, making her gasp out in surprise. She smiled, a competitive glint in her eyes as she snuck her tongue along his soft lips.

I only need this.

I only need him.

Only him.