The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 12, wall of pain

/ First person Protagonist POV / 

There was something about how the redness of the saber made everything around me look, insignificant and imponent. It was a weird feeling, but it made me feel powerful. The little voice at the back of my head had came back, telling me to drop the lightsaber, to run away and escape this place, that it would bring my doom. I closed the blade and stared at Kylo. He had picked his own lightsaber, and his red blade was touching the ground. 

" Y/n, it is time to see how your first defense instincts are." He said, in an evil sounding voice. 

I gulped. What the hell did he mean by that. "Kylo Re-" I started saying, when he threw himself at me with full force and yielded his lightsaber in my direction. My first instinct was to emit both of the blades and block his, which was successful. I stepped back, Kylo was going too fast, his attacks too violent, I didn't know how to even grab my lightsaber properly. I began to run the opposite direction, but he easily catched up with me. I had to do something. As I turned and blocked another of his hits, he placed pression on my blade, pushing towards me as my feet slid across the floor.

 I took a glimpse into his eyes, the only thing I could read. They where filled with anger and hatred. This was no joke. If I let my guard down, Kylo Ren would actually hurt me, maybe even kill me. I tried pushing back onto his lightsaber, but he was really strong. I was almost at the wall of the room, and that's when the voice in my head became louder; alarmed. It told me to close my eyes. It told me I knew what I was doing, that I had done it before. To let my instinct take over, that I could maneuver a lightsaber.  For once since part of my memory returned, I decided to listen to it. 

I closed my eyes, and let Kylo push me all the way to the wall. I wasn't thinking. I was letting a strange feeling take control of my body, and once I felt the cold metal wall send shivers down my back, I kicked Kylo in the torso. He stumbled back, startled. I separated both sabers, except it wasn't me. I was blinded, I had no idea where this strength or knowledge on lightsaber wielding had came from, but I knew it was saving me from getting injured. 

It didn't take long for Kylo Ren to take control of the fight once more, and the strength I had felt seconds earlier was gone. I was defenseless, even though I had two lightsabers in both my hands. I was frightened, Kylo only stood a couple feet from me, he only stared deep into my eyes, breathing heavily. I tried to maintain the eye contact, but my eyes kept drifting towards his lightsaber; I was paying attention to any movement he would make with his weapon, I was frightened. 

" Y/n." Kylo said, his voice was deep as he was breathing big gulps of air. " Y/n, don't look at my weapon. Do not show your opponent your fright, it is a sign of weakness." 

I had to urge myself to hold back tears, I was scared. I had forgotten what I had seen yesterday in Kylo: a moment of him having heart. But now, I only saw the feared commander of the First Order everyone had told me about. 

" Y/n, concentrate. Look at me in the eyes." Kylo ordered, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. " Y/n. I said maintain the eye contact, it is the only way to predict your opponents move." 

But it was too late, once I had the bravery to lock eyes, he had already ran and was only inches away from me. He pushed me to the ground and disarmed me, pinning me down on the cold metal floor. He had defeated me. He remained on top, his hand gripping both my arms tightly, his scent became the smell of the atmosphere, and as our breathing normalized, he stood up. 

"God dammit, y/n!" He yelled, retrieving both his and my lightsabers. " If this wasn't a training, you would be dead." He said, walking away.

" Training?!" I yelled. It was too late to take back my words now, and my blood starting boiling. " You call that training?! Kylo Ren! I had never used a lightsaber in my life! And you attacked me crazily and with full force. I am not an object to release your anger on!" As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted yelling them and covered my mouth with both my hands.

Kylo turned around and looked at me deeply, with a killer stare. " Out." Was the only thing he said. I didn't move. I was yet again, frozen in fear. " I said: GET OUT!" He yelled, this time, he had moved his arm with violence, and my back landed against the wall next to the doors to the training lounge. He... he just... used the force on me. I told myself. I stood up, my back ached with agony. 

" Y/n, I-" Kylo said, walking towards me slowly, with pain in his face. 

" Don't come near me." I said, interrupting him and limping towards the doors, that automatically opened. " OC- 7234, help me to my room, please." I said, as the stormtrooper placed my arm around her shoulders. 

"Y/n!" Kylo yelled, as the doors closed behind me.