The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 29, Revealing feelings

/ First Person Protagonist POV /

I remained in Kylo's arms, not wanting to let go ever again. I had found him, he had returned, and I didn't want to give him the chance to leave me again, but I knew this time, I would be the one leaving him. The tender caress we had shared for a second time had reminded me how much I had yearned for his touch, and feelings I had buried deep down inside of me resurfaced in an instant. I couldn't help it, I couldn't help being angry at him, or being afraid of him, but still wanting Kylo to be near me, to feel his soft embrace and his compelling presence. 

" No, Kylo." I whispered while pushing myself away from his hug. " I- I'm very sorry. I shouldn't have done what I did." 

He looked away from me and I sat on the edge of the mattress, awaiting his answer. " Y/n, it wasn't your fault... You were weak, and I knew I would be able to penetrate your mind." Kylo said, still looking away. I was taken back by his answer, he wasn't blaming it on me. Kylo knew he would enter my thoughts, no matter the cost of what he could see. " Does it change anything? I- I  know I hurt you, Kylo Ren. It has been paining me to know I hurt you." I whispered, it felt right to open up to him, to make peace before I... left, for good. " Hurt me? " He slightly chuckled as he scoffed. " Y/n, I do not 'get hurt'. Ben Solo would get hurt. He was weak. And Ben Solo is dead. And dead he will remain." 

I didn't believe those words. I knew even Kylo Ren was able to get hurt. General Leia had so much hope her Ben Solo would still be somewhere in Kylo, and with that much faith, it was impossible for me to believe it was not true, but I wouldn't mention it. It was not worth ruining the last few hours I would have with Kylo Ren. " D- Do you know why Supreme Leader Snoke wanted me to become a... Praetorian Guard?" I muttered. Kylo turned back to look at me, his expression had soften, but I could catch a bit of incommodity in his stare. " No." Was all he said as he sat next to me.

I leaned my head on his shoulder and synced my breathing to his. I had been invaded by such strong emotions only Kylo had made me feel when I rested my eyes and he wrapped his muscled arm around me. It felt relieving. After months of solitude and arduous training, it was the best feeling in the galaxy to be held in the arms of the man I...

" Where is Poe Dameron." I said out of the blues. 

I had surprised Kylo and myself as I stood up from my bed, remembering my companion was held somewhere in this Space Ship. Kylo stood up, imposing. His tall figure leaning towards me, and I felt his gloved hands grab both my shoulders. " The pilot is alive." Was all he said, as he prepared to leave the room. Y/n, you are an idiot. You are making him leave... again! I yelled in my head. " Don't bother packing your clothes." Kylo said coldly, as he was reaching for the door of my living quarter. " Kylo! Please... don't go. Not again..." I whimpered. 

It was painful, it was dire to have to plead for him not to leave me, as he had done carelessly so many times before. And even though Kylo seemed to disappear whenever I needed him the most, I couldn't prevent but still want him around me, to let his unique scent fill my lungs and feel the fascinating aura he had. 

He had stopped. Kylo had listened to my imploring, and he had stayed in front of the closed door, facing his back towards me. I didn't care if he would not talk to me if he stayed, it did not import to me that he would not look at me with his beautiful dark chestnut eyes, him stopping at the door, not leaving as he wanted to, becuase of the annoyance I had caused him was enough to make him stay.

" Y/n..." 

" I don't want to leave, Kylo Ren. But I do not want to die." I stated. " I don't fear death, I fear what death might cause to the people still alive." To you... I had secretly thought. Kylo turned around and walked back towards me, and there it was: his piercing yet compelling stare I had longed for. His eyes drifted up and down my body, and I stood up, walking towards him as well.

He grabbed my waist firmly with one of his gloved hands, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, staring back into his mezmerizing eyes with the same intensity he did. I got on the tips of my toes and placed a soft peck on his lips. It would be the best way to part ways, with the softness of his lips imprinted on mine. The feeling of his strong torso against me, the sound of his heartbeat, it fulfilled me. 

Kylo played with my hair softly as he layed a pained kiss on my forehead, and I knew he also was aware he had to go, and that I would leave soon after, for good. I pressed my face against his chest as tears dripped down my cheeks and onto his black uniform, I wanted to vomit. Knowing I would forever be doomed to guard The Supreme Leader and not have a mind of my own. It was painful, to see out of the corner of my eye how Kylo would go meet with Snoke, and how I would have to remain still and ignore his presence.

" Kylo Ren." I said as he tightened his embrace and we both looked at each other with pain and intensity. " I love you, Kylo Ren. I have madly fallen for you."

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AHHHH. Alright. I'm goning to go cry my guts out. This is too sad. BUT. IT HAPPENED. OUR PROTAGONIST SAID THE 'L' WORD!!!!!!

Please don't hate me for splitting our two lovebirds!!!!!!!

And don't you think it is the end of the story just because they are parting ways.... many events are on their way, and I'm so excited to write them and share them with you!!!!!!!!

Hope you enjoyed the chapter! What are your opinions? Do you think Kylo should have not forgived our protagonist? Was it good to say I love you to him?! When the protagonist was LEAVING?! I'd love to hear your opinions!!!!!!

Wish you all the best and a very happy day/ night!

- Camille