The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 35, Bonfires and revelations of hope

/ First Person Protagonist POV / 

Poe had not budged. He had just blinked quickly many times before trying to sit up, but all the medical tubes tangled around him prevented him from moving much. " Poe. I know you're weak and tired." I whispered as his eyes had completely opened. " But I need to know, Poe. You were the first person to see that my lightsaber was missing." I said as I sat on the edge of his infirmary bed. Poe looked away from me and rested his head deep into his pillow, I knew he wasn't going to answer.

" Y/n. You're tired and stressed. You should go rest." Was all Poe said as he drifted off to sleep.

I stood up and looked around the hospital wing, to see General Leia was at the entrance, looking at me with a worried look I had only seen once before. I walked towards her and looked at my feet, what I did was reckless, it was evil, and guilt was starting to settle in. " I'm sorry General Leia." I whispered. " I- I don't know what came over me. It's just that- that lightsaber was the only thing that could have helped me with finding my past." 

The general didn't look angry, she moved a strand of my hair behind my ears and smiled, the same beautiful smile Kylo had. " Y/n. It is not well to dwell on the past and forget to live." She said in a compelling tone. Leia was right: Either way, it was probably useless to try to remember memories that were probably not even there. 

I smiled meekly at the General and walk away, into the foliage of D'Qar. I wanted to get lost in this tropical forest, to never have to face the problems of the galaxy. I wanted to live inside the dream Poe had told me about, but I was no coward, not anymore. I was walking in no specific direction, when I came across Rey, who had a metal helmet that went over her eyes and was yielding her lightsaber and deflecting little blasts coming from an object I had never seen before. " You know, it is not good to be sneaking around and spy on people." She called out, while closing the blade of her lightsaber and taking her helmet off. 

" I'm not spying on you..." I muttered, coming out from behind big leaves and trees and walking towards Rey.

She sat on a rock and leaned her head back, bathing in the sunlight. I sat on the ground in front of her with my legs crossed and remained quiet as Rey levitated a couple pebbles around her. It was soothing to watch. On The Finalizer, I had only been taught to coexist with the force and try to take control over it, by overpowering it. Captain Phasma and Kylo had taught me how to use the force against someone else, like Kylo had once done to me. 

Everything I had learned with the force was aggravated and for battle. How to disarm, how to levitate my curved hilt saberstaff and make it arrive at my hand while it was ignited without chopping any of my extremities off, and how to get inside my opponent's mind. But this, what Rey was doing: coexisting with the force, being its equal and not controlling it, felt right. 

" Teach me." 

Rey opened her eyes and the pebbles plopped onto the ground. She got off from the rock and stared at me with intensity as I remained seated. " What?" She asked, but I knew she had heard the question. " Teach me how to coexist with the force, Rey. Not to control it." I said once again. Rey extended her hand towards me and helped me up. I knew hours earlier, the only thing on my mind was to get out of D'Qar as soon as possible, before the First Order would come take me once again, and it could take weeks like it had done last time.

Rey and I walked side by side as the sun of D'Qar was slowly disappearing, and a cool breeze had settled. A big camp fire had been lit and many people were gathered around it, cheering and laughing as the flames rose. Me and Rey sat next to Finn and Poe, and when General Leia stood up, the crowd became silent seconds later.

" Tonight, we celebrate!" She exclaimed loudly, looking around at everyone. " We celebrate a small victory in the battle we fight! We feast for the victory rescue mission of our best X wing fighter pilot: Poe Dameron, and the delivery of y/n, 'our spark'!" Everyone started cheering and laughing, patting Poe on the shoulder and welcoming me.

Our spark? I'm their spark? The spark of what?! I wondered to myself, but remained silent and seated as everyone started dancing around the fire. As if Rey had read my thoughts, even though they were blocked, she crouched next to me and placed her hand on my shoulder, " The spark to the fire of the rebellion, y/n. You are the spark that will help us bring the First Order to ashes." Rey said. I was startled. Help bring the First Order down? I knew I couldn't do that, and not because I had chosen my side, but because Kylo was with the side I was expected to help destroy. I wish I could actually be the spark they all think I am. I lamented to myself, but I can't do that. Not with Kylo still with them...

While everyone was celebrating around the soaring fire, I remained seated, staring at the little sparks of the fire floating in the air and then vanishing. ' Y/n, Our spark ' , was the phrase General Leia had said that kept replaying in my mind for the rest of the evening. I stood up and was walking away from the party, not really feeling well, when someone grabbed my arm. " Y/n. Is everything alright?" Came the voice I recognized immediately: Finn's. 

I didn't even turn around as I nodded and released my arm from his grip, " Everything is fine. I'm just a little tired." I said, and walked away.