The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 30, vain convincing

/ Third Person POV / 

( Three months earlier )( The Finalizer )

Kylo Ren had rushed out of the training lounge, with a sharp pain forming around his heart. He had been reckless, and he knew it. He had left his apprentice mid training, after seeing a memory that caused him a bitter feeling: His mother. It had brought back sickening memories of his own, of who he used to be: The foolish, and weak boy who was buried six feet under in Kylo's mind: Ben Solo. He wanted nothing more than to go back in time and not have started that training, instead, he lamented how he would have preferred to have extended the... intimate moment he had shared with y/n.

Curse you Kylo. You've got to stop. He grounded himself. You can't put your reputation and the life of y/n in danger for... such behaviors. But deep down, Kylo Ren knew, he would do it over again. Whatever it took to feel the sensation he always did whenever y/n was near him. How he felt so light and airy whenever they touched, and the tender kiss had risen an emotion he had never felt before, and no matter how much he tried to ignore it, or get rid of it, he couldn't, and he knew he didn't want to. It angered him, it angered Kylo to no end that a girl was changing him, and before she could see him more vulnerable than y/n already made him, he had taken control of his emotions and begun the training, even if he knew it would hurt her. 

Kylo headed to the control room, but as soon as he saw General Armitage Hux, he changed direction and headed to his living quarters. He would have jabbed his lightsaber at him, because no one addressed to y/n unless it was him. No one approached her unless they had a death wish with Kylo. When he had felt her presence earlier that morning, wondering around the control room, his heart had skipped a beat: y/n was not supposed to be in that area of The Finalizer. Kylo had strictly prohibited it, so she wouldn't encounter the unpleasant General Hux or distract him from his task as commander of The Finalizer. But she had showed up anyways, and Kylo's mind had drifted off to the thought of how charming her stubbornness was to him.

When Kylo had seen y/n with General Hux, his mind had been taken over by jealousy, and he felt anger flow through his body. " Y/n!" He had yelled her name, and only thinking about her beautiful name made his heart flutter. No one except for me talks to her. He had thought as he approached the two swiftly. He had grown to be obsessively possessive on her, because for the first time in forever, Kylo Ren had something to protect, he had found someone that made him want to wake up every morning, Kylo had found someone to live for, and he wouldn't let y/n go easily, even if he would constantly disappoint and sadden her, Kylo felt as if he couldn't let her go.

He had spent hours in his private living quarters, destroying everything in his path until the whole room was overheated by the calidity of his lightsaber. He knew it wasn't the right thing to do, but he couldn't stop, the anger and hatred had filled him to the point of overflowing, and this was his only method of calming down, that, and y/n. But he didn't want to be near, afraid he would hurt or frighten the only person he cared about, and not stable to receive her disappointment. His dining room was down to debris, and he panted heavily. He had stopped, as an incoming hologram had been announced, and Kylo knew exactly who it was. 

Not even an hour later, Kylo was aboard his command shuttle, furious and in disbelief, Supreme Leader Snoke had called an important meeting on The Supremacy. A meeting about y/n, and a feeling of discomfort had invaded Kylo's mind all morning. Relax. You are Kylo Ren: Sith and commander of The Finalizer, feared First Order superior, you aren't afraid of anything. He reminded himself all of the duration of the travel. Y/n is in good hands, Kylo mentioned to himself: He had left Captain Phasma in charge of his apprentice's training while he was away. 

Kylo felt a bit of culpability, knowing he had left without telling anything to y/n, and the last thing that had happened between the both of them was a kiss ruined by his lack of self control. He wanted nothing more than to go back to The Finalizer and grab y/n in his arms, to make her sadness go away. 

/ Time skip - hours until present time / 

For three months, Kylo had stayed on The Supremacy, with hopes to persuade Supreme Leader Snoke not to make y/n join the Elite Praetorian Guards, and it had raised suspision. The Supreme leader was very unhappy with Kylo contradicting and interfearing with his orders, for several months. But he had heard enough. That cold morning, Kylo had been called to Snoke's throne room, and he remained silent, hidden in the shadows. 

He didn't know why the Supreme Leader had called him in so unexpectedly, but he had a bad feeling about it. And he was right, he had felt her paining presence enter the throne room, with Hux at her side, and Kylo knew. He knew that the efforts to convince the Supreme Leader not to condemn y/n had been in vain.

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Yes, I decided to give a little perspective on what had happened after the kiss in the training lounge and the three months disappeared in Kylo's perspective!

These past chapters have been so emotional for our protagonist that, I had decided to let you know what was going on in Kylo's beautiful but unstable mind. 

In the next couple chapters, (NO SPOILERS) Will be the beginning of the transition from The Last Jedi to The Rise Of Skywalker. All I can say is that there will be spoilers for those who have not see TROS yet, but I will tell you when I have officially started writing in TROS events.

I'm sorry to all of you who wanted to stay with Kylo! I want that too! But as I've mentioned: tHe TiMe WiLl CoMe.

Hope you are enjoying the fanfiction so far! Comments and opinions are always welcome!

Best wishes to all of you!
-Camille