The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 33, Dreams of peace

/ First Person Protagonist POV / 

" Finn, turn the direction of the ship. Now." I insisted once more, heading towards the pilot cabin, but Cyern stood in front, not allowing me to pass. I furrowed my eyebrows and sat down on the cold metal bench, holding my head with my hands. " By now, the whole First Order must be aware you captured me." I said out loud. " Capture you?" Finn repeated as he walked in front of me. " Y/n, we rescued you from the First Order. We had tried it earlier, but you weren't on The Finalizer and Poe g-" Finn began explaining but I stood up and walked away from him.

" You did not rescue me Finn. I chose the First Order. I picked my side. All you've done is condemn yourself and everyone else." I mentioned, while walking into another small area of the ship.

I sat in solitute surrounded by tubes, cables and fumes rising from little leaks, and I thought about the cold answer I had given Finn. I chose the First Order, I picked my side. I constantly repeated. But had it really been me? Some part of me knew I was forced into the First Order, but recent events had made me realize maybe I wanted to be part of the First Order, to be with Kylo. But now that would be impossible, because not only was I being taken away from The Finalizer and The Supremacy, but Snoke would have wanted to make me a Praetorian Guard, and any decision I had taken to remain next to Kylo had been pulled into the black hole of my bad luck.

Goddammit, y/n! Why did you put yourself in this misery! Why can't you remember a single thing?! You stupid, foolish girl! I insulted myself as I threw a tool I had found next to me across the small room. 

The spaceship started to rumble and I tripped over as I stood up. They- They're going into lightspeed... I told myself as I ran out of the small room towards the bigger main suit of the ship. " Hey! What are you doing?!" I yelled at Finn that was inside the pilot cabin behind Chewbacca. " I told you to go back!" I was heading towards them when Cyern grabbed my arms and prevented me from moving. " Y/n, calm down. We got you." He said calmly, trying to reassure me. 

" Don't you get it, you dumb fool?!" I shrieked at Cyern as I pushed him away. " I'm doing this all for you!" I am trying to save your lives!" 

Finn walked out of the pilot cabin and towards me, he looked almost sad, but I was most likely blinded by my anger and worry... just like Kylo Ren had been many times. " Y/n... people from all over the galaxy are killed every day because of the First Order, we can't let that happen. I know that what I am doing my cost me my life, but I wouldn't choose to do anything else. I'm doing what is right." He said, placing a hand on my shoulder, but I brushed it off. 

I turned around and noticed Poe was trying to sit up, I had probably woken him up because of my shouting. Finn and Cyern quickly rushed to his side, offering him it was best for him to lay back down and rest, but Poe insisted to stand up, and there was no stopping him. " Y/n." He said, in a weak and hurt tone. 

I didn't want to approach him, to see what the First Order had done to him... What Kylo had done to him. Even if I already knew. I felt so much guilt for not being angry at Kylo for hurting Poe. Because no matter what he would do, my love for him overcame it all. I walked towards Poe cautiously, and sat down on the corner of a metal bench as Cyern and Finn went to copilot Chewbacca, leaving me and an injured Poe alone in the main cabin.

" You know, y/n." He whispered meekly, as I sat back into my chair and looked at his wounded face. " Yesterday, I had a dream... It was truly beautiful." 

I gave him a puzzled expression. I didn't understand where he was going with this, but I stayed, I listened to him, because the culpability I felt for him being in that state was forcing me to stay seated. " I was in a wonderful marble palace, with tall vines on the walls and a large body of water around the small island I was on." Poe said, staring at the roof of the space shuttle. " I think I was on Naboo. Have you ever been on Naboo, y/n?' He asked me, maybe forgetting I had no memory, so I simply shook my head 'no'. " Well, there was no issues there. It was all perfect and beautiful, you know? It was like paradise."

I placed my hand atop of Poe's and smiled at him, " That sounds like the ideal life, Poe." I told him, but his expression only seamed to sadden. 

" Maybe it does, y/n. But it isn't the truth. It was only a dream." I was taken back by his response. I thought he was only muttering nonsense because of his exhaustion, but Poe had all his senses in place. " The reality y/n, is that we are fighting another war, another enemy. Some people joining the stronger force even though it is the wrong one, others staying hidden, afraid for their lives. But then, there is us, y/n. The Resistance, the rebellion. Us who are not afraid to fight for what is right even though our lives are at risk. That- that is what is truly important, y/n." Poe said, coughing between words. " It is the hope in the people that make the difference. If you believe the First Order can be defeated, then it can." 

I stood up. I didn't want to hear him. Not because I didn't agree with what Poe was saying, but because on the contrary: He was right. He was completely correct about everything, and I wanted nothing more than to do the same: to be part of the change, but I couldn't. Y/n, you know you can't do that. Not in your position. And not putting Kylo's life in danger like that. I told myself, even if I hated the idea. 

" I'm sorry, Poe. But maybe your dream would be the best solution for everyone in the galaxy." I told him coldly, as I stood up and left back towards the small cabin filled with tubes and cables.