The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 99, Redamancy

/ First Person Protagonist POV / 

I slipped the thin covers of the hospital bed over me, expecting to receive a cold swoosh of air as a welcoming, but it never came. Right, we're in Naboo, I rolled my eyes as I sat up, trying to distract my mind from any possible pain that could form in my chest. As I placed my bare feet on the ground of the hospital wing, a long shiver ran down my spine, damn is it cold! Why are all hospital wings so frigid?! 

There was a light beige cloak near the door of the hospital room, "odd, but useful enough." I muttered as I strode to grab it and threw it over my shoulders. It was very long, obviously belonging to someone tall, which was perfect: it covered all of my body and trailed on the ground. Now no one will see a weird person walking around in a hospital robe and bare foot around the streets of Naboo, if that's what's outside, I sighted as I opened the door of the hospital room slightly, peaking outside to see if there was anyone in the white hallways. 

" Sorry to the poor person whose cloak this is." I mumbled. The hallways were empty, nothing, coast is clear.

I placed the hood over my head and slipped out of the room, closing the door without a sound and locking it from the inside using the force. " Probably the only thing I'm better at than Ap'lek." I muttered as a joke, even though it was probably true. 

The hospital hallways were completely deserted, which was odd, but I couldn't complain: it had been perfect timing to get out of here without causing any trouble to anyone or to myself. 

The pain in my chest still wasn't back, and I was beginning to think if the medicine had done its miracle or had it been the talk with my conscience that had given me unusual strength. Exit, exit, where are thou, exit? I sarcastically said as I looked around, but there was no signs in the hallways. 

I let my 'Ren instinct' guide me through the hallways, my mind having no control over the direction my feet were taking, but I trusted my abilities enough to not question the route. C'mon y/n, even the conscience said it: I'm not as powerless as I say I am, I tried encouraging myself as I neared a large corridor that seemed to have people in it, I could hear the buzzing of low voices speaking over each other, and I could feel the presence of a couple dozens of people.

I arrived in a sort of hospital lobby, and quickly hid amongst the crowds before anyone noticed I came from inside the hospital. Weird, I wouldn't have thought Kylo would place me in an infirmary that isn't a Final Oder owned and managed. The people here looked as if they were all from Naboo. Doctors in white, fancy coats, nurses with a similar uniform to Leone's, patients in the same robes I had on, and people with their every day clothing. 

I hadn't been in peaceful human contact apart from the Knights of Ren and Kylo in seven weeks, it was a bit awkward to be surrounded by such a crowd who meant no harm, and who I wasn't being ordered to slaughter on sight. Man, I'm becoming such a coldhearted and brutal person, I sighted in disappointment. Maybe the conscience is right: maybe I am being dragged into the dark side of the force by all these things I've been forced to do as a Knight of Ren, who are Sith warriors, there's no doubt.

I felt guilty because I hadn't thought about that before. Of course, in the fist week or two, I had hesitated. I hesitated between killing the victims I was ordered to, and while I paused, another Knight would take care of business. Every night and every morning, I was forced to recite the Qotsisajak: code of the Sith, as if it was a strict religion, which in some way it was. 

The worst part was: after two and a half weeks: I didn't need to be forced to perform the Qotsisajak, the inscriptions would roll out my tongue so naturally.

Peace is a lie. There is only Passion.
Through Passion I gain Strength.
Through Strength I gain Power.
Through Power I gain Victory.
Through Victory my chains are Broken.
The Force shall free me.

The phrases had brought me a sense of freedom, as if the recite of the Sith code was indeed true. Maybe I had started believing in them, or maybe it was the aftermaths of saying the same words over and over again, and it did its effect. By the end of the third week: I didn't hesitate. I never even flinched as the curved hilt saber staff's blade slashed the bodies of the victims who pleaded for mercy, and then said no more. I would willingly 'steal' the people who were assigned to be killed by my fellow Knights, it made me feel powerful, but not in the way the conscience was telling me to. 

I had allowed myself to be seduced by the dark side, to be tempted by the darkness in the force and even though my heart and soul screamed for redemption, my actions never lived up to that. seeing all these happy people whose eyes lit up in joy when doctors announced their loved ones would soon get better, watching all of them just reminded me that in the blink of an eye, the second after an order: they could all be slaughtered at hand of my lightsaber if Kylo ordered that.

The dark side had lustfully loved the newest recruit, and I had only shown the same redamancy towards it, without having the slight awareness of it. I had enjoyed every bit of power and over importance it brought to me. The conscience was right, after all: I am falling into the pit of the dark side. And now I'm afraid I'm too far down to crawl back out, and I had never noticed until now. 

"Excuse me, ma'am?" There was a tap on my shoulder, and I quickly turned around, watching for my hood not to fall off my head, and also it took me some self control not to grab the man's arm as an instinct. " Are you lost? Or are you here for visiting times?"

My breathing stabilized as I dusted off my robes and shily smiled, unsure if the man could see through the hood. " No sir. I was just on my way out." I said innocently, wanting to explode in laughter: I sounded like a child. A. Child.

The doctor smiled and walked away, and my heart started beating at a normal rate once again. Oh my, I'm so socially uncomfortable, it's disappointing. I sighted, shaking my head slightly as I passed through the crowd, careful not to bump into anyone.

I strode out of the hospital as fast as I could, with my hands holding onto the hood and the cloak so it wouldn't show my face or the hospital robe I had underneath. The sun hit my face through the cloak, it was warm and soothing, a little bit like the feeling that overcame me when I had last been on D'Qar with the Resistance...

I slid into a little alley before taking my hood off and closing my eyes and focusing on the famous ' Ren instinct'. It guided me out of the hospital, it could also lead me to the Final Order marble building we were lodging at. Alrighty, lets get down to business, I commented to myself as I strode further from the crowd of a near by plaza.

 If the conscience won't give me the answers I long for, maybe Kylo will be able to help, somehow. I had hope, and hope was all I needed. I had hope it wasn't too late for me, the conscience had said it earlier, that it was possible to change, and I believed.

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My, my. Dark y/n, seduced by the dark side of the force...

She's got quite the twisted mind, a little bit like Kylo, but she has a heart of light and purity, let me tell you that, she can't fall into the dark side, or can she? 

One more chapter for the big 100!!!!! AHOW3NGUWENSFLJD.... Can't believe it!!!

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I can't wait to publish more!!!!!!!!

Best regards,

- Camille