The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 147, Vitality

/ First Person Protagonist POV /

I felt like my own heart had stopped beating when I couldn't feel Ben's. I pushed my hand against his chest harder, as if part of me wanted to make sure his heartbeat wasn't just very weak, but to no use. It was completely gone. 

" No..." I gasped for air even though I was breathing, chocking on my incoming sobs and tears. " Come on, Ben. One pulse. Just one. One bloody pulse... One..."

There were so many emotions rushing through my mind I couldn't describe what I was feeling. My body felt disconnected from my mind, my limbs numb, and my joints felt sore. I felt as if I was asphyxiating. No amount of breaths I took could appease the burning sensation in my throat and lungs because of the feeling of lacking oxygen. 

Cold, salty tears streamed down my cheeks, into my parted mouth and down my chin, soaking my clothes. Some drops fell onto Ben's black sweater, evaporating into the fabric. The same piece of clothing I had found so comfortable dressed on him.

I lifted Ben's torso and pulled him into my arms. His head fell slightly back as I leaned my chin on his shoulder, wailing loudly. I had just found him. We had just been reunited not long ago, and now he was gone. Not like the times on the Finalizer, when he would leave for so long, but always return. 

This time, he was here, but Ben was gone. I gripped onto the back of his shirt tightly and leaned my forehead on the crook of his neck.He still smelled of a light ocean breeze, similar to the one on Kef Bir. 

A warm hand on my shoulder brought me out of my trance. I carefully leaned Ben back onto the cold floor of Exegol and turned around with tears flooding my eyes to face Rey, who was pitifully and remorsefully looking at my reaction. " Y/n..." She sighed. " Are you alright?"

I frowned slightly and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down. " ...No." I shook my head as I began sobbing again after a few seconds of stopping. 

I threw my arms around Rey, almost laying on her lap, closing my eyes tightly. Rey hugged me tightly as well. She obviously couldn't understand to the fullest what I was feeling, or why I was reacting this way to Ben... not being alive... but she was smart enough to deduce he was important to me. 

" Y/n... Were you and him..." Rey cleared her throat slightly, not finishing her sentence. 

At the thought of our relationship, I cried even more, not able to stop. This was the worse I'd ever felt in my life, I was sure of it. My body was injured and tired, and my left leg would probably never be able to walk again, but none of the physical pain could compare to how my mind was feeling. 

It made me feel sick, and with a huge migraine. My mind was still trying to process that Ben was gone. He wouldn't wake up. " Rey... What happened here?" I managed to ask between loud sobs, which didn't sound graceful at all. " Why is... How... Ben..."

" Calm down first." She hummed, stroking the back of my head with her hand, combing my hair with her fingers. 

" Tell me." I insisted, looking up towards her with blurry and glassy eyes. 

Rey sighed. " We defeated the Emperor. For good this time." She explained. A small exhale of relief escaped my lips. In this horrible situation, the Emperor gone and the victory of the resistance was the only thing keeping me on the brink of staying sane. 

" I... I wasn't strong enough to defeat him alone." Rey continued. " When the Emperor was gone, I... I was as well. Ben Solo, he was the one who brought me back... through our dyad. Y/n... He died saving me." A tear coming from her dripped onto my head, sliding down my forehead as she said those words.

" Ben revived you?" I repeated, my eyes widened. " Why didn't you... Why didn't you do the same?!" I shrieked, feeling almost infuriated as I parted from the hug and leaned further away from Rey. 

" Why didn't you save him, Rey?! Like you healed me on Ajan Kloss from my wounds?! Like you healed him from your duel on Kef Bir! Why didn't you bring him back?!" I yelled. I didn't have any grip over my emotions. I was a mess. And I was furious. 

" Y/n... Calm down, I-"

" No." I interrupted her. " Ben saved you. He gave his life for you! H- how could you not try to do the same?! Aren't you a Jedi, Rey?! Aren't they supposed to be selfless?!"

" Selfless, yes. But not stupid!" She snapped. " I would've brought him back if I could, y/n! You know I would try! It's not that simple. If I did attempt, I don't have enough energy to bring him back. I... I would probably die before I get anywhere close to reviving Ben!"

I took in a sharp breath. I trusted Rey's words, and I now noticed mine had gone too far. But I was determined. I had promised I would bring Ben back, and I had to keep that word. " You... don't have enough energy?" I asked, gulping. 

Rey nodded and cocked her eyebrows, knowing I was up to something. I grabbed Ben's cold and lifeless hand between the both of mine, and stared at his peaceful looking face. It seemed he had died knowing what for, but I wasn't going to let him go. Not when I'd just found him. 

I brought his hand up to my lips and laid a soft kiss on his knuckles before turning back to face Rey. " If energy is what you need. I'll give you energy." I said, determined. " Take mine. My vitality. Through the force, I'll give you strength."

" Y/n... have you any idea what you're saying?!" Rey gasped. " You're injured, can't you see? You're exhausted, too. You'll be drained! You could die in the process as well if I take all of your energy... I can't risk that happening..."

" I wasn't offering, Rey." I sighed, looking at Ben and then back at her. " When you have someone you love more than anything, even your own life... You'd go to any extent to save them. I want my life with Ben. A life we envisioned together. I wont falter when there's a possibility to bring him back. Please understand, I'd do whatever it takes."

She remained silent for a couple seconds before nodding. " Alright. We'll do it." Rey whispered. " Are you sure? I've got no idea how much energy I'll have to take from you in order to revive a person. I- I might not be strong enough to-"

" Rey." I cut her off, placing a hand on her shoulder. " You can do this. I know you can. I'm counting on you."

She nodded and offered me her hand, which I took with the same one I'd reassured her with. I looked at Ben's pale face and smiled meekly as tears ran down my cheeks. I'll bring you back, Ben. We'll be together. I took in a deep breath as I concentrated on the force with Rey.

The second we both synced through the energy around us, I could feel my vitality being transferred through my body towards my hand locked with Rey's, while the other was still gripping onto Ben's tightly. 

Just keep breathing, y/n... I told myself continuously, as my body began feeling tired and dull. I was handing the little amount of energy I had left to Rey, so she could strengthen herself and heal Ben through their dyad, bring him back through their special force bond. 

When all of the sudden, it stopped. It felt as if hours had gone by, but realistically, it had only taken mere seconds. My eyelids felt too heavy to even open. I was surprised I was still able to sit down without my top body falling. 

Rey was right. I was drained. Completely. To the very end. Did it work? I pondered meekly, still trying to open my eyes through the exhaustion I was feeling. Suddenly, a hand wrapped around mine with not a lot of strength... and it wasn't Rey's.

" B- Ben?" I managed to guess. I knew it was him. It had to be. There was only one hand in the whole galaxy that felt that warm and comforting to me, and it belonged to Ben Solo.