The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 85, New feelings

/ First Person POV /

( Kylo's perspective ) ( Two days earlier )

The Mandalorian had shortly left, with a huge reward, if I dare say so myself, but no reward equals the feeling of knowing that y/n is back on The Finalizer, safe, but with an infected wound. Whoever did that to her will pay very dearly, I told myself wickedly as I strode out of the command room. Hell, they'll be begging that I kill them. I wanted to go check on her in the hospital wing, but I knew it wouldn't be a good idea to go so shortly after her arrival. 

Bloody bluffing, I mentally scoffed as I approached the private living quarters. Why can't I do what I want on my ship?! My damn ship! 

If the doors of The Finalizer didn't automatically retreat and slide into the wall, I would've slammed each of the ones I went through so strongly they might as well have broken. I was infuriated, and I had not the greatest idea why. I should be happy, I got what I wanted, I have y/n back here with me, but why do I feel so angry?! I asked myself as I locked the door of my suite and took off my mask, letting it fall onto the ground with an unpleasant sound. 

I dragged my feet across the polished floors of my large living quarter and plopped on my bed, ruining the perfectly ironed black bed cover blanket. It had been a long while since I had ever done something so childish. Hell, only the deceased Ben Solo would do something this immature, I rolled my eyes at the observation as I forced myself to sit back up on top of the bed. I stared blankly at the room, still angry and not knowing why, except this time, I really didn't feel like destroying my living chambers.

"What the hell is happening to me?!" I mumbled to myself as I held my head in both my hands and massaged my forehead with the palm of my right hand, trying to get rid of a headache that was beginning to form.

I leaned my back backwards and plopped onto the bed once more, feeling drained even though I had not undergone any physical training or situation today. This is... odd. Very, very odd. I commented to myself as I stared blankly at the ceiling with my arms stretched on my bed. I've never felt like this, it is bizarre. I feel... exhausted? Even though I haven't done anything tiering. I thought of so many things yet nothing at the same time, I clearly didn't know how to act in this situation where I felt an immense emptiness and over arrogance inside me, as if I was naturally angry at every one for no reason at all.  

I laid back down on my black bed and stared pointlessly at the holographic clock on the wall, watching every second go back, slower than the one before. I could be doing something productive. No, I NEED to be doing something productive, I ordered myself as I stood up with great effort and walked around my living quarters. 

I tried it all: yield my lightsaber, try and miserably fail at cooking, brush my perfectly combed hair; but nothing would take the tedium that had taken over me and my mind. " What to do, what to do?" I muttered to myself as I picked up my mask and placed it back on my head. 

Even if it wasn't the best idea, I didn't really care, I had only one destination in mind: the hospital wing. Specifically a hospital chamber that had my beloved caught escapee resting from her abdominal wound surgery. 

Hopefully she's not asleep and I don't wake her up as I enter, I told myself as I walked confidently through the hallways of The Finalizer, striding towards the hospital wing. As I walked through the automatic sliding doors of the large and modern infirmary, even behind my mask, my eyes took some time to adjust to the brightness of the large corridor with various doors on the wall. Hell, why are hospitals always so... bright and shiny? I questioned myself mentally as I paced towards a medical droid.

I had tried to keep myself in low- profile -even if I was the commander of the ship, and I could go anywhere I'd like- but my black attire obviously didn't match the white and bright background of the hospital wing. I don't have the patience to find a droid, I rolled my eyes at myself as I walked towards an information and registration counter, where a young woman sat behind. Why is there this sort of hospital lobby?! Who had the brilliant idea to install one? As if we were a public clinic, I sarcastically mentally commented to myself as I towered over the counter and they woman looked away from her paperwork and towards my mask.

The woman's eyes widened as they met with my imposing mask. I don't have time for her fright, I told myself as I cleared my throat and straightened my back. " Where is the bounty's hospital after surgery room..." I said, taking a glance at her name tag, " Leone Odan." I asked, but it was rather like an order and she didn't have much of a choice, not like a nurse would dare go against my will. 

" Yes. O- of course sir, right away." She babbled nervously as she typed something and a hologram appeared in front of her. " Room 74, sir. Would you like me to guide you there?" She asked anxiously as she kept her head low.

I shook my head and left without saying a word, heading to the corridor I had identified held rooms 65- 75. Y/n's room was at the end of the corridor, and I breathed heavily as I inserted a code on the wall and it opened to the sides, the doors retreating into the wall and then closing back behind me. 

Y/n was asleep, and even though I felt a little bit saddened I couldn't see her e/c eyes looking at me, the way she did that messed with my head in ways I had never thought possible before. And even though I couldn't hear her soothing and beautiful voice, seeing her sleep was calming. 

Breathtaking she is, even when asleep. I told myself as I walked towards the chair beside her hospital bed, cautiously taking her hand in my gloved one. Her hand looked so delicate and innocent compared to mine, who had taken the lives of many. Who did this to you, y/n? I asked myself, addressing to her as I tightened the grip on her hand slightly. Whoever it is, I won't mind, hell, I'll be glad to wipe their poor existence from the galaxy, I muttered to myself angrily. 

She suddenly started to move a little bit, taking her hand away from mine and rubbing her closed eyes with both her palms, she was waking up. She muttered something to herself before fully opening her eyes, turning to look at me with the beautiful and astonishing look only she could give. My heart stopped beating at the sight of her stare meeting mine, she was awake, safe, and with me once again.