The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 113, Stranded

/ First Person Protagonist POV /

I scurried away from the Naboo star fighter- or rather the remains of it, and headed for a deserted alley, away from the crowd that had gathered around the burning debris. At least I've got my clothes I wore as a Knight of Ren, I sighed in relief, glad I had thought about bringing the clothes in a little bag. 

I started heading towards the all too familiar Poison Pit to change, after all, I was still in the hospital gown from Naboo, something I hadn't noticed until now, and I was receiving a couple weirded out and judging looks, but in general, everybody minded their own business. 

The cantina was as full as always, so no one noticed me enter with my unusual hospital attire. Keeping my head low, I made it to the bathroom unnoticed, and locked myself in one of the stalls. It maybe took me ten minutes to change, because I tried not to touch the walls of the bathroom stall, that weren't the cleanest. 

Once I got out, I abandoned the hospital robe in the bathroom, which wasn't the weirdest thing that had been left out here and put the hood over my head. Once I walked back towards the crowded cantina, everything felt so familiar. The hood over my head, the silence and sneakiness of each of my steps, the camouflaging between the crowds, the bizarre smell of Jiguuna... It all brought back reminiscence of the era of the Crimson Hunter.

Somehow, the feeling of my alter ego crawled up my skin, a weird feeling of being a bounty hunter once again, even if I wasn't one, it felt like it. I was skimming the crowds, like I usually did when I was in the hunting business, and I felt the confidence and power that I felt as the Crimson Hunter return to me, but I knew it was the faltering effects of the adrenaline I had obtained from jumping out of a flaming ship. 

Sometimes I wonder why I do this to myself. I shrugged, finding an empty booth far away from the most crowded section of the Poison Pit. Why myself and life always make me suffer a little bit- no, that's an understatement. Why did the coincidence of landing in Nal Hutta just had to happen?

Just why.

A waitress approached my booth, obviously, she was just doing her job to get me something, but I just wasn't in the mood. As she was about to ask for my order, I looked away from her and used a simple force mind trick on her, and the waitress left without question. 

I felt a little bad for acting so rude, even though the waitress wouldn't know I had sent her off, but I had so much to deal with right now. Things I hadn't thought about because half of my ship had been on fire, but now that that was taken care of, all my problems and feelings seemed to resurface, and not in a gentle way- oh no. The realizations hit me like a fleet of star destroyers.

I rested my head on both my hands that were supported by my elbows on the booth's table. My head felt awfully heavier than a normal human head should, and there was a throbbing sensation inside my skull, giving me an awful headache. 

Without even knowing, a tear rolled down my cheek, and I hadn't noticed it until it dripped onto the table, leaving a tiny puddle mark. No, y/n. You're not going to break down in a cantina in front of all these strangers. I told myself, trying to get a grip on my emotions. Especially not here, in Nal Hutta. Some might think I'm weak and use that to their advantage.

When I knew I wouldn't be able to stop an incoming flow of tears, based on the heaviness of my heart, I tugged the hood of the black outfit as most as it could get over my head to hide my saddened face, and I just sat there, letting the tears fall down my face, trying to whimper as quietly as humanly possible. 

A flood of thoughts crashed into my mind, realization of everything that had happened, it had all passed so fast, I felt like only minutes ago, I had been running out of Kylo's living quarters in Naboo, towards the hangar, towards the light side. Like only moments ago, he had told me he loved me. I didn't even say it back that time... I whimpered, starting to feel nauseous at every incoming thought.