The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 20, The caress of resentment

/ First Person Protagonist POV / 

I watched in horror how Kylo destroyed the object, how he yelled and yielded his lightsaber violently at anything in his path, reminding me that I, had also been like the shelf, that now was debris. I, too, had furnished as something in Kylo's way he could release his anger on.  I couldn't help but allow tears to fall down my cheeks continuously, I wanted to stand up and get as far away as I could, but fear stuck me to the ground as pieces of melting metal flew all over, some landing on me. Now, I was trying to silently sob, I knew Kylo wouldn't like to see me cry, it would look weak and unworthy of being his apprentice, but I couldn't help it.

I heard the closing of his lightsaber, and heavy breathing, but my eyes were so watery they could only see a blurred figure approaching. I had backed away, and the tears had dried. Kylo Ren was walking towards me, and I could see the sweat coming down his forehead as he wiped it off with his arm. I stood up and started to walk back cautiously, the fright came again, especially in this room, where I felt the most unsafe. I stared at Kylo, and not at his unlit weapon, his face wasn't serious or angry, it was pained and hurt, for some reason. 

I had stopped walking back. The little conscience in me whispered to not run away from my biggest fears, to stand my ground, and that is what I did. I dug my nails deep into my palms, to the point I had made my hands bleed a little, and breathed deeply many times. Kylo was still walking in my direction, and my heartbeat couldn't help but accelerate. He was inches away from me, and our breathings synced. I stared into his eyes, that didn't seem to be the magical dark chestnut color as General Leia's. I could see they were filled with an emotion I had never seen illustrated in the iris of his eyes before, and I didn't know if to feel worried or relieved. 

In that moment, I had drowned in the ocean of his eyes. And just like the time we had held hands, everything around us vanished. The fact he had destroyed something out of anger did not scare me anymore. Kylo Ren did not scare me anymore. He stepped  closer to me, and crouched, so he would be eye to eye with me, as I sat on my knees. I could feel his breathing, he seemed so emotionless, but yet, I could see so much going on in his eyes. " I do not want to see you with Hux again, do you understand?" He whispered with a shaky voice, which I thought he could never have. 

" Kylo R-" I had begun saying, when I felt soft lips crash onto mine. My mind rushed in all different directions, and my eyes focused on the person who was now kissing me with passion: Kylo Ren. I couldn't believe it. I remained in shock for a couple seconds, but ended up by kissing him back with the same desire. It was at that moment I had realized, I wanted this. I had craved Kylo Ren since the start without being aware of my feelings towards him. When I was in D'Qar, everything was perfect, but something was missing, it was Kylo. I yearned for his presence. Now I noticed how I had acted each time I saw him: my heart would skip a beat. I had thought I was scared of him, but the truth was, I was terrified of the thought Kylo would become someone so cruel, and not remain the man I had fallen for.

 I had felt the butterflies in my stomach flutter, and Kylo broke off the kiss and looked at me with the sweetest eyes I had ever seen in what my memories could remember. " y/n. I'm sorry." He whispered, and I could feel the honesty in his voice. I cupped his face with my hands and smiled. " I am not afraid of you Kylo Ren." 

He held me tightly in his arms and dug his face between my shoulder and neck, " I'm sorry." He kept whispering in a muffled tone. I placed my hand behind his head and tangled my fingers in his dark black hair that shined with the lighting of the room. I leaned my head against his and we both remained quiet for countless minutes. We became one. Our minds connected, we were two lost souls that had found each other in the most unexpected ways. 

Kylo lifted his head and looked at me with a shy, yet beautiful smile. His eyes were watery, and I knew he had just silently cried on my shoulder. Minutes ago, I would have sworn over my life that Kylo Ren was incapable of crying, but now, as we had each other between our arms, I could only promise Kylo Ren was the most beautiful mystery the galaxy had. 

" y/n..." he whispered, staring into my eyes with a lovable stare in his eyes. " Shhhh. It's ok. Don't say anything." I said, leaning my head on his chest. Kylo placed his gloved hand on my back, and I retained myself from wincing in slight pain, the wounds he had inflicted still hurt a little bit, but I remained silent, not wanting to ruin the moment. 

" Y/n..." Kylo repeated as I lifted my head and looked at him. " Please. Don't leave me again... Please." He said, as we leaned our foreheads together.

" Never." 

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I AM CRYING.

This was the hardest chapter to write so far, because I mean.... *MUAH*!

I HONESTLY recommend re-reading this chapter while listening to " Across the Stars" from the Star Wars soundtrack right when Kylo says: " I do not want to see you with Hux again, do you understand?" 

 because let me tell you, it is W O R T H  I T.  It makes the scene better ( in my opinion).

ANYWAYSSSSSSSSS.

Love all the readers of this fanfiction! I couldn't be more grateful! You all have motivated me so much to keep writing and expanding my imagination! 

I wish you all the best!

- Camille