The force in redemption | Kylo Ren x reader | ✔

Chapter 38, For Kylo

/ First Person Protagonist POV /

I knew the cold metal cylinder was the handle of a lightsaber, but it was odd, I couldn't remember putting the curved hilt saberstaff in my leather bag when I was packing to go to The Supremacy. Wait a second. I thought to myself. This handle is too small and straight to be from the lightsaber Kylo had given me... Then I remembered: what General Leia had told me when I had arrived: you're lightsaber is missing. It was impossible. I had tried getting to the arsenal when D'Qar was under attack from the First Order months ago. When I was near the entrance, that is when Kylo had taken me.

Kylo... Could it have been him that took the lightsaber? I speculated. That would explain why he had been next to the entrance of the arsenal. But if he was the one who took it, why would he take it in the first place?! And why put it in my bag?! All different types of questions rushed in my mind, but I remembered Rey was approaching me with her lightsaber in hand, and I couldn't let her keep me in D'Qar when Kylo's life could be in danger.

" Y/n, don't make me take you forcefully. Please." Rey said, taking me out of my thoughts.

I furrowed my eyebrows and took deep breaths. Come on, y/n. You can do this. Captain Phasma and Kylo trained you well, you can do this. You've defended yourself with a saberstaff, a normal lightsaber must be easier. I convinced myself as my fingered wrapped tightly around the handle of the lightsaber. " No, Rey. You should be the one who doesn't want me to use force so I can leave." I stated, more confident than I thought it would sound. 

Rey stopped walking, probably surprised of my answer. I took the chance to swiftly take out the handle and ignite the lightsaber just as fast, the green light glowing in the darkness of the night. So Kylo did take it, after all. I affirmed. Rey stepped back, I knew she wasn't expecting me to have the lightsaber that was declared lost, and neither did I. But that didn't matter at the moment: I had to get out on one of the X wings. 

" Please Rey." I pleaded for the last time. " I don't want to fight you." 

Rey's expression hardened, filled with hatred and I could tell she had tightened the grip on her lightsaber as well. " You're one of them..." Was all she whispered loud enough so I could hear her, as she started running with her lightsaber, ready to combat. I felt terrible having to battle someone who had taught me so much about the force, but I would do anything it took to prevent my vision from happening. 

I yielded my lightsaber to block her first hit, but Rey was going very speedily, and her maneuver was strong, she was angry, sad, and betrayed, all by me. I took deep breaths as I pushed my lightsaber against hers, making  her step back. Come on, y/n. Concentrate! You've had Praetorian Guard training for the galaxy's sake! You are a master at lightsaber combat, you are fearless. I kept repeating in my head as I jabbed my saber towards Rey, but she deflected my hit as well. 

Rey had taught me much of my fighting tricks, she was a strong opponent, but I knew I was too. We both jabbed our lightsabers at each other, dodging and counter fighting each other's moves. It was exhausting, but I did it for Kylo, I was fighting against my friend, my short time mentor, for the man I love, and that was more than enough to give me the strength I needed to not stop fighting. 

It came to a moment where me and Rey were pushing on each other's lightsabers, our feet were slipping with the strength each one of us was putting to tackle the other to the ground, and I stared into her light brown eyes, and I could see the pain she had while fighting me off. I wasn't sure it was the pain being in my presence caused her or if it was ache of fighting the 'spark of the Resistance'. 

I pushed on Rey's lightsaber with all the strength I had left and wounded her slightly on the upper arm. She let out a loud yell, and I could hear footsteps approaching and flashlights in the short distance. I figured Rey's scream had woken up many people who had headed to sleep not long ago. Rey had fallen to the ground and was holding her shoulder with her disarmed hand. 

I felt bad. I wanted to kneel beside her and help her towards the hospital wing, but I couldn't, and I would not do it even if I could, I finally had the way open to leave D'Qar, and I couldn't miss the chance I had. With guilt consuming me, I ran back towards the open hangar and climbed into the first X wing. Now how the hell do you make these things fly, again? I wondered to  myself, trying to remember as fast as I could what Poe had taught me about X wings when I had stayed in D'Qar for about a month so long ago. 

I had finally made the X wing head into automatic pilot mode, and when it was heading out of the hangar, I could see Finn, Poe, General Leia and other resistance members had came out to see what the yelling had been about. They all looked so worried, and betrayed.

I locked eyes with General Leia, her usually hopeful stare was filled with worry and sorrow, and I couldn't help feeling guilty for that. I stepped onto the wing of the space craft, and directed to everyone. " Don't come back for me." Was all I said as I sad in the piloting seat and swiftly took off, leaving a wounded friend and many dear companions behind, with treason filling their hearts and mind.

You're doing this for Kylo. I told myself as the X wing took off into space, and I whispered to myself once again,  "For Kylo."