Nothing like some lovely lapidot

Baggage

lapis POV
I opened my eyes slightly and saw peridot in my arms fast asleep. I smiled slightly when I saw her with a small bit of drool on the side of her mouth. I lifted my arm and ran my hand through her hair.
How'd I get so damn lucky
Peridot shifted slightly and I held my breath praying I didn't wake her up.
"Lapis?"
Shit
"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you"
She smiled softly and put her head against my chest
"It's okay I'll just go back to sleep"
Her morning voice was adorable, some of her words slurred together and her voice was slightly lower.
    I put my chin on her head and wrapped my arms around her tightly. I closed my eyes and focused on the sound of her quiet snoring.
When was the last time I had something like this?
I drifted off to sleep and opened my eyes to find myself in my old room.
"What the ?"
I got up and stared at myself in the mirror, I had slight bruising around my neck and I wasn't wearing any clothes. I was noticeably skinnier too.
Where am I?
I walked around trying to find something to wear. My old room was just like how I left it, a mess.
I opened my dresser and took out a t shirt and some jeans. Once I was dressed I opened the door to leave but it was locked.
Weird
I looked around the room and noticed my bathroom light on. I walked over and turned the knob.
It's unlocked
I opened it slowly and heard some distant humming. I couldn't tell if it was a woman or a man they're voice was rough and low. They continued to hum that soft song and I opened the door. They turned to me and my voice disappeared.
"You're up early"
I chocked back a scream and turned to run out the door. I got to it and fought with the door.
No no no no
The door stayed close and I heard her getting closer. I pounded on the door and attempted a scream. Nothing came out.
Open, please open. I can't not again
I turned around and she stood there looming over me.
"Are you trying to leave?"
"No I-"
She wrapped a hand around my neck and I gasped for air.
"Not this time."
I gasped for air and shot up in my bed holding a hand to my neck.
Where?
I looked around and found myself back in my dorm. I let out a shaky sigh and turned to see a pale peridot next to me.
"Lapis are you okay?"
I steadied out my breathing a little and nodded.
"You were screaming and gasping for air, I wasn't sure what to do"
"It's just a nightmare"
I looked down at my shaking hands and hid them under the covers.
"What was in your night mare?"
"I'd rather not talk about it"
I hid my shaking hands under the covers. Peridot passed me one of her hoodies and I realized I wasn't wearing anything. I threw on the hoodie and peridot pulled me into a hug.
"I won't pry too much but just know you can talk to me okay?"
I held her close and nodded. I wanted to tell her about jasper but I'm not ready to talk about it yet. No one really knows what happened and I've never had the courage to tell anyone. For the first time in a while I feel safe and loved. I don't want to ruin that by sharing all the baggage that comes with dating me.
I let go of peridot and she looks up at me. I pull her into a soft kiss to let her know I'm okay now. She smiled and we both get out of bed.
"What do you want to do today?"
I thought about it and decided I wanted to just relax after everything that happened this morning and last night.
"Is it alright if we just stay home? My legs are still a little jelly"
She blushed and covered her face with her hands.
"Did you forget about last night?"
"No I got a constant reminder on my chest"
She pulled her shirt down enough for me to see my work plastered all over peridots chest.
"I like them, let's people know you're mine"
Before peridot could say anything I pulled her into a kiss. It wasn't rough like the ones last night, it was different. More full of love and genuine affection. When we pulled apart I ran my hand through the hickeys I left her. It made me feel better knowing she had these. She was mine, she wasn't going to leave me. I put a hand around my neck remembering how the bruising meant I belonged to jasper. Our relationship was based off of fear and need for each other. We fought for dominance and secretly liked the pain we felt around one another. I'm lucky Steven got me out of that. If I had stayed I'm not sure I would've been able to recover.
"Lapis?"
I snapped back into reality.
"Yeah?"
"You okay you're a little pale"
I looked in the mirror and noted the lack of color in my face.
"Yeah sorry I just got lost in thought"
"Lapis, can you tell me what happened with jasper?"
Her name struck me in the chest like a knife. I was pulled back to my dream and slowly forgot how to breathe.
"Lapis, it's okay. Breathe slowly focus on small movements"
Peridot held my hand and led me back down to the bed.
"Sorry"
"It's okay you don't have to talk"
"No I think it's something I should talk about"
I braced myself for a story I've never had to say aloud.
"What do you already know about everything?"
"That she was abusive and you dated her to stop her from picking on other kids"
"Well then you have it half right, jasper was always the strong kid that excelled at almost everything. Naturally she harassed and pushed everyone around, myself included. She began to shift her focus to Steven. I have no clue why but something about him just ticked her off. She'd try to fight him often but was always stopped by garnet or the others. Eventually she asked me out and I told her I'd do it on the condition that she didn't mess with Steven. She agreed and I stayed with her with the sole purpose of helping him. She only knew how to love using power and fear. She was always scared I'd leave and her insecurity showed through anger. Our relationship was based on her obsessive feelings and my need to protect. Eventually she got physically violent and left bruising all over my body and neck. Even through all that I didn't leave. She made me feel complete, I liked putting her down and hurting her. As much as I hated to admit it we were stuck to each other in a cycle of pain and suffering. It wasn't until Steven noticed the bruises on my neck that I had the courage to run away. I haven't seen her since I left but I'm glad she hasn't found me."
I took a breathe and looked down at peridot. I couldn't tell what she was feeling. It was a mix of sadness regret and anger. She pulled her into a sudden hug and we stayed there for a little. No one said anything it was a comfortable silence and I understood everything she was trying to say.