Russian Roulette

Chapter Seventy-Four: Go Back

---Isador---

Smiling, Doc began to press on the gas, her little car giving a small hop before it chugged on down the street. It was time to take a new road, and Doc believed she was ready.

Isador felt a small moment of relief when Aleksei hugged him. He felt just that tiny bit better with each of Aleksei's reassuring words, with each little kiss. *Together...* The word bounced around in his skull as if it was the only thing in there. That was until Aleksei froze. Him pulling away from Isador felt like he'd been stabbed in the gut. It brought back the previous terror, and Isador found himself staring at Aleksei. It was clear telling Aleksei Benjamin wasn't his real name had struck a chord. No longer did it seem Aleksei believed they could get through the problem together. Isador felt like the walls were closing in, but he refused to allow them to get to him. *Crush me. See if I care...* Internal anger is an odd solution, but Isador chose it rather often.

Isador didn't speak for a moment, quietly allowing Aleksei to ramble gave him time to form his own coherent thoughts. The pure pain he felt when Aleksei's eyes met his own once more, with tears welling up, was almost too much for Isador to handle. "Aleksei... my love..." He spoke in a low voice, slowly reached towards Aleksei's face he gently caressed his cheek. "I... I love you too much to not... Everything I feel towards you, is real. And I told her I'd tell you... I need to. I love you, I trust you..." Isador knew that these words would most likely not matter. He was likely digging his own grave. "And you already know who I am... I... I'm more than the guy in that file..."

Isador paused, he did not look away from Aleksei. No, he kept his gaze locked onto him. He really wanted to get through this... together. *Considered swapping sides? Eko and Ghost did it... why not you? Not like the feds actually cared about you, Isa... Aleksei does... did? No, I believe he does.* Isador's trembling had slightly subsided, he gave a very weak smile. "Everything we've been through... has made you more important to me than... nearly anything ever... I know everything I'm saying most likely isn't going to help me... But I... I want to be with you... not them." *Literal worst way of speaking, Isador...* His thoughts rolled around in his head. Sitting in front of him was the man he loved and treasured. *And you're mucking it all up, Isa...* His heart rate began to gain speed again. Whatever that little surge of confidence was it had taken off leaving Isador in the dust.

---Aleksei---

Aleksei bit his lip anxiously as Isador touched his cheek, this guy will be the death of him, I swear he will but hearing Isador actually say it didn't bring any new emotions to him, it was hard for him to feel betrayed or shocked when truthfully he knew this entire time. For christ sakes, why did he have to fall in love with him out of all people? He's amazing, that's why.

Be with him instead of them? Does he actually know what that would cost him? Can Aleksei really drag him down into this rabbit hole? No, he couldn't. Aleksei slowly leaned in so he could leave a soft, sweet kiss on Isador's lips, "Isador...Benjamin...I love you too and that's why I cannot allow you to do that. This life has costed me everything, my family, my friends, my freedom and my sanity. I cannot be the reason you go down this path." Aleksei gave a faint smile before pulling away completely, "I..you can't leave for me. In fact, I think with everything good and done, you should report back to them. Don't you have a cat to care for?" Aleksei continued to keep a smile planted on his face. Well, he lied. He said before that they would get through this together but now he was pushing Isador away.

"Also, Ben, do not let Ghost know. He cannot know. No one can. It will ruin me just as much as it will ruin you. We both become liabilities." Aleksei added in a more hushed tone. He didn't want to push him away like this but he felt like he didn't have any other choice, he was protecting him. That's it. Well Aleksei why do you feel so guilty and wrong about it? Maybe because you aren't allowing him to make that choice for himself. Like usual, Aleksei was putting Isador in the 'adorable' box as a way to justify making this major decision for him.