Even If No One Wants You, I Do

Chapter 70 - So... alone...

Normal text
Thinking
Onomatopoeia

Keira's POV
"Girl."

Who's calling me...

"Wake up, little girl."

I could feel light taps on my shoulders. Someone was trying to shake me awake. I groggily opened my eyes. There was a warm and sticky feeling on my face. My hand subconsciously went to touch it. They were tears. I was crying... For god knows what reason!

An elderly librarian lady was standing beside me, a face of concern, "Are you okay, little girl?"

I gave an awkward smile and wiped away those damn salty liquid, "Uh, yes. I'm fine. Must have been tired."

But I wasn't. Nothing's fine. I could feel a sense of emptiness in my heart. The kind where no amount of money would be able to fill it up. It was just a gaping hole sitting in there, crying at me to find the missing piece. But I don't even know what I'm missing besides money!

The elderly lady looked at me sceptically before saying, "It's 8pm dear. The library is closing up. Don't you have to go home?"

Home... Do I even have that here...

I hurriedly scooped up my scattered books and worksheets, embarrassed, "Sorry. I'm going now."

Once I stuffed those things in my bag, I scurried out of the door. By now, it's already dark outside. The street lights were on, illuminating the walkway with dim yellow light. The sign for me to return back to that damn orphanage... But I don't want to... And it's not just because I didn't want to see the faces of a bunch of old hags. There's something else I needed to do. I could feel a nagging thought at the back of my mind, as if I've forgotten something really important. But I haven't had the faintest clue on what it was. My mind was just blank. But one thing was for certain. There was something missing. Something very important. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly rubbed the four tiny scars on my palms, something I always did whenever I felt lost. While slowly walking towards the graveyard of a home, I looked down at my body. At the thin worn-out jacket that's barely keeping me alive in this damn winter.

Why am I even doing all these?

It was like having an enlightenment after taking a nap in the library. I suddenly didn't understand why I was saving like a cheapo, trying to spend the bare minimum to scrape by. I didn't find a point in doing all these. What's the point of being so stingy to myself??? Hoarding all the money like it's my fucking life. Was I going to save until I could bring this meagre wealth back to my grave when I inevitably freeze one day??? I didn't want to live like this anymore. So pathetic. This isn't living! It's fucking surviving like a cockroach! And I don't want to be like this!

I only have one life. Might as well just yolo through it all.

I glanced at the ends of my unruly long hair. The hair I couldn't bear to cut in order to save money.

What a joke. All this is changing today!

I turned around and walked to the nearby shopping district, the foreign place I had never once stepped foot in since I'm penniless. But strangely, instead of getting lost and acting like a freaking country bumpkin, I went to the directory, located the hair salon and walked to it, as if I had done this so many times before. My footsteps didn't even falter when I entered the salon.

One of the ladies, who was busy cleaning up the place, looked up and said, "Sorry. We are closing up. Please come by again tomorrow."

But I know for a fact that this shop closes at 8:30pm. I mean, I was cutting it close... But still! I don't want to turn up to school like this, acting as if I'm a pathetic dog that had just been rejected by her owner. I want a new makeover. A fresh beginning. I want to put everything behind me and start anew.