Unyielding Devotion

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The white pigment of his desk seems to swirl in his sight, like a hypnotic spell that pulls him in. It’s indeed far more interesting than the lecture he’s supposed to be focusing on.

Bakugo Katsuki is a star student of the hero course in the prestigious UA hero course. He should’ve lived up to the title he’s acquired over the current year but even after six months in, like the seemingly hypnotic swirling of the white paint on his desk, he’s still haunted by the memory of a certain someone he had failed to save.

The reminder of a certain freckled boy with a warm smile and messy dark green hair crosses his mind. Katsuki unconsciously clenches his fists, digging his nails into the skin of his palm when he’s reminded that the fucking nerd had sacrificed himself to save Katsuki from the sticky villain that had gotten him in captive.

Perhaps, the memory is swirling with a subtle hatred for the pro-heroes that had refused to save two students who were clearly in danger. Maybe, he’s still stuck on a flash of yellow hair that suspiciously belonged to a certain hero turning his back on the situation.

He hates the resentment that settled in his bones and it takes him a whole minute to uncurl his fists before his nails could break his skin and cause him to bleed.

Katsuki resists the urge to sigh loudly which would attract the extras’ attention that would lead to an interrogation. He is not in the mood to entertain them when his conscience reminds him that today would have marked exactly six months since Midoriya Izuku had died.

-----

Everyone knows Katsuki, the boy who survived a villain hostage situation. Everyone knows about the poor quirkless boy that tried to save him and died instead. Nobody knows the name of the boy, and nobody dares ask Katsuki about the incident when the mere mention of anything related to it sets him off in a fit of pure anger.

The truth is, Katsuki is not angry at curious and nosy people who’d tried asking. He’s angry at the heroes. He’s angry at his idol. But most of all, he’s angry at himself.

Not only that Deku’ s death makes him feel worthless as someone who had a quirk but unable to save the damned nerd, what happened had permanently changed his perspective on the world of heroes.

Deep down, he knows that the pro-heroes couldn’t exactly handle the incident but he knew that it was due to their incompetence. It makes him want to grow stronger but after months as a hero in training, Katsuki realizes how cruel the world of heroes is.

It sickens him to see the heroes bask in the media’s attention and fight for the spots in the heroes chart. Katsuki, for all of his target and motivation to be number one, is now opened to the reality that the heroes are vain.

And fuck it, Katsuki must have gotten crazy after what happened to Deku but his anger is justified. The heroes who had failed to save them  weren’t having nightmares about Deku. They didn’t see the boy everywhere when the days were rough or on sleepless nights.

They don’t have breakdowns in between classes in the cubicle of the boys’ toilet because of a boy’s death. After all, Deku is just another collateral damage to them and it sickens him.

Move on and try to save other people? It’s easier said than done when the people you failed to save are just faceless strangers you’d won’t remember after. Katsuki is burdened with the death of an innocent even before he even started his career.

-----

“Who is Deku ?”

That must be shit-for-brain and Katsuki’s hand that had been subconsciously doodling in his notebook comes to an abrupt halt. His ears tingle with the mention of the name and his red eyes glances down to the page. He sees Deku’s name scrawled all over the paper, filling every white space in his own handwriting.

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