Beautiful Pain (An Andy Biersack Love Story) {1} [Completed]

Chapter 81: Never Looking Back

Chapter 81: Never Looking Back

Andy's POV

I woke up the next morning, groaning from the sunlight streaming in through the window. I put my hand to my head and cringed. Now I remember why I stopped drinking. I stumbled out of bed and over to my suitcase. I pulled out the pain medication and popped two pills into my mouth. I went to the bathroom and filed my mouth with sink water, swallowing the medicine and hoping it would help soon. I went back to the room and pulled on some clothes. I ran my hands through my hair as I made my way down the stairs.

"Good morning," my mom said as I walked into the kitchen.

"Good morning," I said, embarrassed about the way I acted last night.

"Take a seat, breakfast is almost ready," she said. I sat at the table, tapping my fingers against the wood. A few minutes later, she walked over and placed a plate of food in front of me. 

"Thank you," I said quietly and she nodded as she walked away. My dad showed up a minute later, sitting across from me. My mom brought over two plates, giving one to my dad and setting the other in the empty chair next to him. She sat down and we ate silently for a minute.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"It's okay, Andy. We know you're going through a lot right now," my mom said with her gentle smile that I was so used to as a teenager.

"I'm still not giving Madi up for adoption," I said, shaking my head.

"We know, son. We're sorry for suggesting it. We just wanted to make sure you had considered all of your options."

"Trust me, I am constantly considering my options. I constantly imagining future scenarios. I'm constantly doubting myself," I said, pausing to blink away a few tears and collect myself. "I know Brielle would want me to raise Madi to be the best person she can be. She would be so mad at me if she knew I was doubting my ability to be a good father. Like I said, Madi is all I have left of Brielle. I can't lose her," I said, the last sentence in a whisper as a single tear rolled down my face.

"We will always be there to help you whenever we can. We're just a plane ride away. If we need to watch her while you go on tour, we'll be there," my mom said.

"We know you're going to be a good father, you already are. The love you have for your little girl is so telling of how great of a father you're going to be," my dad said.

"I learned from the best," I said with a small smile. "It's just fucking terrifying."

"Becoming a parent for the first time is always terrifying. It's even harder when you don't have a partner to share the responsibility with. You have such a large village behind you, Madi is going to be in the best of hands," my mom reassured.

"Thanks," I said, taking another bite of food. 

"Do you have an idea of when you want to return to California?" my dad asked.

"It all depends on how long Madi spends in the NICU," I shrugged. "The doctor told me she'll probably be there for at least a month. My thought process is going home pretty soon after she's released, but I don't know if she'll be strong enough to travel. I also know walking into that house is going to be so difficult," I rambled. We kept talking about different things as we finished our breakfast.

"I'm going to go visit Madi," I said, pushing my chair away from the table and grabbing the plate.

"Can we go with you?" my mom asked.

"Of course," I smiled, placing the plate in the sink. I sat on the couch, waiting until my parents were ready to leave, which was only about ten minutes. We got into their car and my dad drove us to the hospital. We got out and went to the NICU, putting on our smocks and entering the nursery. I smiled when I saw that my daughter no longer was under the blue lights and her eye patches were removed. Her skin had returned to her normal light skin tone, just like Brielle's.

"Are you getting healthier? Huh baby girl?" I questioned, stroking her cheek. No matter what I was feeling, going to see Madi made every negative thought and feeling disappear. 

"Good morning Mr. Biersack," the nurse greeted cheerfully.

"Good morning," I said, holding Madi close to me. "She doesn't need the light anymore?" I asked, the medical jargon always going straight over my head.

"Nope, her levels have returned to normal," the nurse answered.

"That's good," I said, looking down at her tiny face. "Has she gained any weight?" I asked.

"It's actually very common for babies to lose a bit of weight in the first few days of life, so she's lost some weight. We're expecting for her weight to start coming back up in the next few days," the nurse explained.

"Oh, okay," I said sadly. I knew the faster that she gained weight, the faster I could bring her home. While I was terrified to bring her home, I never wanted to come back to this hospital again.

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