Beautiful Pain (An Andy Biersack Love Story) {1} [Completed]

Chapter 77: Even Though You're Gone

Chapter 77: Even Though You're Gone

Andy's POV

The next day, I walked into the NICU and up to my daughter. I gasped, her skin a pale yellow. She was bathed in a blue light and had patches over her eyes.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked a nearby nurse.

"She just has a bit of jaundice. It's completely normal, even full term babies get it. These blue lights will help her liver to start functioning normally. We are monitoring her very closely, if all goes well, her skin should return to normal color soon," the nurse explained. I sighed and sat next to my daughter, running my finger along her tiny arm. I sat there until her doctor walked in.

"Hello Mr. Biersack, we finally got all of your daughter's test results back. She has a small heart defect that we are watching closely. It should resolve on it's own. The nurse said she already explained the jaundice, and we're keeping her on oxygen until her levels are at a normal rate."

"When can I take her home?" I asked, already sick of being in the hospital.

"If I had to guess, she'll be in here for at least a month. We need these issues to resolve and for her to gain some weight."

"I-I don't live out here, I live in LA," I said, shaking my head.

"We have options to help families find temporary housing."

"I-I don't need temporary housing. I need my house, with my wife and my daughter. I need them both healthy and at home."

"I understand this is hard, Mr. Biersack. I ensure you we are doing everything we can to help your daughter graduate from the NICU as soon as possible."

"Please just leave," I said, shaking my head. The doctor let out a small sigh and left the room. I know my anger is misplaced. I know I shouldn't be taking it out on the doctor. I'm just tired of the sympathy and the soft voices. My wife is dying. My daughter is sick. I'm alone.

***

I was sitting at Brielle's bedside, holding her hand. My parents had gone home to grab me a change of clothes, Sienna and Sterling were sitting in the waiting room, and Brielle's parents had gone to grab some food from the cafeteria.

My head was resting on her bed as I stroked the back of her hand with my thumb. Suddenly, I heard her heart monitor start rapidly beeping and my head shot up. I saw the lines on her monitor going crazy, the numbers dropping with every beep. Before I could wrap my head around what was happening, two nurses rushed in the room and started checking different things on her monitor.

"Brielle!" I cried out as a nurse pushed me away from her. One nurse started doing CPR on my wife, her lifeless body flopping with the rough movements. "SAVE MY WIFE!" I screamed, tears streaming down my face. Her doctor ran in and started helping the nurses.

"Someone get him out of here!" her doctor called. 

"BRIELLE!" I cried. "SAVE HER! YOU HAVE TO SAVE HER!"

"GET HIM OUT!" the doctor commanded. Another nurse grabbed my by the arm but I shook her off, not willing to leave my wife alone. She can't die alone. A few seconds later, a male nurse came and dragged me out of the room. I had flashbacks to her C-section yesterday, being dragged out in the same manner. I was led to a small room with a few chairs and children's toys. I sat in one of the chairs, crying into my hands as the door closed. I can't believe this is happening. She can't die. I can't live without her.

I pulled out my phone and sent texts to Sienna and Sterling, my parents, and Brielle's parents. I told them what happened and where I was. Less than a minute after I sent the text, Sienna and Sterling burst into the room. Sienna ran over to me and wrapped her arms tightly around me. I hugged her back, my sobs that had started to calm down starting back up again.

"I can't lose her Sienna, I just can't," I cried.

"She's going to be okay Andy, the doctors have her."

"I'm so fucking scared. I just want to be with her."

"It'll be okay," she reassured, stroking my hair. Even I could tell that she didn't mean the words that were coming out of her mouth. After a few minutes, Brielle's parents came in.

"Have you heard anything?" her mom asked and I shook my head.

We sat for ten minutes. Ten minutes not knowing if my wife was alive or dead. My stomach was twisted tightly in a knot and I felt like I was going to throw up. Finally, the door opened and I looked up to see Brielle's doctor. He had a melancholy look on his face and I wanted to faint right there. I knew what happened, without him even having to say a word. Brielle was dead. My wife, the love of my, the mother of my child, was dead.

"How is she?" Brielle's mom asked, a slight glint of hope in her voice.

"We are so sorry, we tried everything we could," he said, shaking his head.

"NOOOO!" I screamed, falling to the ground. Sienna held me while I threw a tantrum like a toddler. I was hitting the floor and kicking my feet, choking on my sobs. My world was crashing down and I didn't care what I looked like.

"You may go to her room to see her if you would like," he said and left the room. I pulled my knees to my chest and hugged them tightly.

"We're going to go down there," Brielle's dad said as the two of them left the room.

"This can't be happening, Sienna. This is a nightmare. This is a fucking nightmare. Punch me in the face, please. I need to wake up," I cried.

"I'm so sorry, Andy," Sienna said through her own sobs as she held me tightly. I pulled myself to my feet and looked around the room, gritting my teeth.

"FUCK!" I screamed, grabbing a chair and throwing it across the room. "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" I continued, kicking the wall, attempting not to do too much damage. What I really wanted to do was burn the whole fucking place down, the whole world. I wanted to scream until no sound came out. I wanted to punch a wall until all of the bones in my fists were shattered. I wanted to jump in front of a fucking train.

I sat back down on the floor and pulled my knees to my chest, putting my face into my knees. Sienna softly rubbed my back as I went back to crying. As much as I wanted to do all of that destruction I thought of, I can't. I'm a father. I'm all my daughter has left.

"Oh, Andy," my mom said as her and my dad came into the room. My mom got on the floor next to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Brielle died," Sienna said quietly.

"Oh no," my dad said.

"It's not fucking fair," I cried as my mom rubbed my back. 

"I know," my mom cooed.

*****************************************************************************

As I was writing the part where Brielle was dying, How To Save A Life came on! As a Grey's Anatomy fan I just HAD to add this song into this chapter!

Did Andy react correctly?

How are we feeling?

I've had this planned since before I wrote the first chapter, so this has been a long time coming!

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