Beautiful Pain (An Andy Biersack Love Story) {1} [Completed]

Chapter 90: Missing

Chapter 90: Missing

Andy's POV

*One Month Later*

"Daddy's going to miss you so much!" I exclaimed, holding Madi close to me. "She has no clue what's going on," I chuckled to Brielle's mom, looking at Madi's innocent face.

"She's going to miss you too Andy," her mom reassured me.

"Thank you so much for offering to help. It means so much and I truly hope Madi isn't a problem while I'm gone."

"We will always be there for the two of you, whatever you need. Brielle was so proud of you and your band, we are happy to help Andy."

"That means a lot, thank you," I said. I looked at my watch and sighed. "If I don't go now, I'm going to miss my plane," I said, kissing Madi on the forehead.

"I love you so much my Madi girl, be good for grandma and grandpa, I'll see you in one month my darling," I cooed to her before forcing myself to hand her to Brielle's mom. I waved and walked straight to security before I changed my mind and went home. I wiped away a few stray tears as I stood in the security line. I knew it was going to be hard leaving Madi behind, but I didn't know it would be this hard.

I got through security and found my gate. I sat at the gate and put my head into my hands. I cried into my hands, my heart feeling like it was shattered. This tour is going to be so hard being apart from my daughter. I'd like to believe I'd feel better if Brielle was the one caring for her while I was gone, but obviously I'll never know.

"Hey man, you good?" I heard a voice as a hand was placed on my back. I recognized the voice as Jinxx.

"Yeah," I said, sniffling and wiping my eyes as I lifted my head.

"A little trouble leaving Madi?" he questioned and I nodded.

"I didn't expect to have this reaction. I mean, she's only six months old, she has no fucking clue what's going on! She won't even notice I'm gone!"

"Leaving the first time is always hard, but it get's slightly easier every time. Don't get me wrong, I leave a piece of my heart behind every time and I feel that missing piece every day. I mean, Lennon is at the point where he throws tantrums every time he's reminded I'm leaving."

"This fucking sucks," I sighed.

"Who's watching her?"

"Brielle's parents flew into town two days ago and they'll stay at my house to take care of Madi."

"That's nice. She's in good hands, Andy," Jinxx reassured me.

"I know, it still hurts like a bitch though," I said with a slight chuckle.

***

"We're going to slow things down a bit. Who here has listened to our new EP, Beautiful Pain?" I asked at our concert the next night and saw thousands of hands go up. "We're going to play both of the songs tonight," I announced and the room erupted into cheers. "These two songs are going to become permanent parts of our set as a tribute to my late wife," I said, which brought more cheers.

Beautiful Pain started to play and I felt my chest tighten. This was the first time I was performing either song live and I was slightly emotional over it. It didn't help that I had a video call with Brielle's parents and Madi earlier and my heart was ripped out all over again. 

I saw my daughter that I missed so dearly through the phone and just wanted to hold her. I wanted to burst into tears but I've already cried too much in front of Brielle's parents and I didn't want to worry Madi, so I held them in. She realized that she couldn't touch me and started wailing. After that I lost it as I tried to comfort her from afar and had to watch as someone else comforted my daughter.

"It's okay my Madi girl, daddy's here," I tried to reassure the infant as my voice cracked and broke. Brielle's mom had to end the call so she could comfort Madi. I cried for at least 30 minutes in my bunk after the disaster of a phone call.

I closed my eyes as I sang, tuning out the crowd. It was the only thing I could do to continue with the song. I felt my voice crack a few times as I sang, quickly pulling it together before I was too far again. The song ended and the crowd cheered. I pulled the mic away from my face and wiped a few tears away. I cleared my throat and took a few deep breaths, trying to reset myself for the next song.

The Void was played next. I was mostly okay through the whole song, trying to focus more on signing than what the lyrics actually meant. I was fine until we got to the end where I just repeat "How can I carry on, carry on without you" over and over. The last line caused me to break, my voice cracking majorly. The song ended and I hung my head, squeezing my eyes shut tight as a few tears escaped.

"Thank you," I said into the mic and turned around towards CC's drum set. I took a few deep breaths, looking straight ahead.

"Are you okay?" CC mouthed and I nodded. I grabbed my water bottle and took a big drink as my band prepared for the next song.

"Thank you for allowing me to perform those songs for you. Now let's kick it up a notch," I said as Torch started to play.

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