Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 3: I Recognize Her

As Siobhan starts to become fully aware in the ambulance, "What the hell is going on? My head is killing me! Where am I?" The paramedics tell me what has happened and that they are about to arrive at the hospital. Within a few minutes I'm being unloaded at the hospital and I hear a familiar voice. The dark haired nurse begins to introduce herself, but I recognize her. It's Vivian! A rush of calm comes over me and I feel safe. It's just like when I saw her at the nursery there is something about her. I think to myself, "Why do I feel this way with her? I don't really even know her, but I feel like I can trust her."

Meanwhile Vivian and the team of nurses are prepared to begin treating Siobhan.

The ambulance arrives, I take a deep breath as I prepare to switch to trauma mode. The paramedics open the doors and roll the gurney out as they give me the report. As always, I introduce myself to the patient and let her know that we are going to take good care of her. When I look at this blonde headed patient, I recognize her, it's Siobhan! "Siobhan, don't worry we got you! You're going to be okay!"

Vivian and the other nurse staff get me into the hospital room and begin their initial physical assessment of the injuries. They are all around me putting wires on me, hooking me up to machines, asking me questions. Vivian looks down at me and explains, "Siobhan, I know there is a lot going on right now, but we are going to take care of you. We need to take a look over your body to check for any other injuries that we can't see right now, okay?" I feel that my shirt is being lifted and I hear the nurses say, "that's a lot of bruising, she will probably need a CT. Has the doctor made it here yet?"

I hope they don't start asking questions about the other bruises. I'm sure they can tell that they aren't all from this fall. Vivian walks back towards my head where I can see her. The tone in her voice has changed as she looks at me she asks, "Siobhan, did anything else happen tonight? Is there more to the story?" I think to myself, I have to tell her, why do I feel this way? How does she make me feel so safe? I close my eyes as they begin to burn as tears threaten to form, I take a deep breath and open my eyes, "Viv..."

"Where is she? Where is Siobhan?" Roger says as he enters the emergency room. One of the ER nurses guides him to the room Siobhan is in and he rushes to her side to play the worried boyfriend part. "I'm so glad you are okay! I was so worried!" He says as he leans in close to her face to kiss her cheek. He whispers, "if you say anything, you know what will happen." The doctor enters the room and Roger begins to ask what they are going to do to treat Siobhan. The doctor explains with her being knocked unconscious there is a strong possibility of a concussion. She also has some significant bruising on her abdomen. We are going to get a CT of her head and abdomen to make sure there aren't any serious injuries we can't see.

"Damn it! She was about to tell me something then that arsehole shows up!" I thought to myself. As soon as she heard his voice it was like a wall went up and Siobhan's whole demeanor changed. I can see straight through his act... It's exactly how my ex-husband acted. I told the doctor that I would take her to get her CT. I helped her get into the wheelchair and started rolling her out of the room. Roger tried to come with us, but the doctor stopped him and explained that only patients and staff are allowed.

As I wheel her down to radiology, I say, "You know, you didn't have to get hurt just to come see me. We could have just went for coffee." I hear a slight chuckle come from the blonde and it makes me smile. "I will keep that in mind for next time Viv." "By the way, just curious, what is your drink of choice?" Siobhan quietly says, "Black americano." I roll my eyes and say "of course it is." I can see Siobhan slightly shake her head and she let out a sigh.

We get to the radiology department and I can tell that Siobhan is nervous. I place my hand on her knee and tell her that it's going to be okay. "We need to check to make sure there is no bleeding inside your body and look to see if there is a concussion. The scan won't hurt, but you will have to lay on your back and be very still." I help Siobhan over to the CT table and help her lay down. I notice her flinching as I help her get situated. As I walk away Siobhan reaches out for my hand, "thank you Viv." I place my other hand on top of hers and say "Of course". I know that Roger has been hurting her and from all the bruising I can imagine that it is painful for her to lay still like that. "Okay Siobhan, we are about to start the scan. Be as still as possible. We are going to scan your abdomen first and then we will do the scan of your head."

I'm so glad that Viv is here to help take care of me. She has explained everything they are doing and why. I'm nervous about what this CT will show they can't know what he does to me. "Viv, how long will these scans take?" She tells me about 10 to 15 minutes. This is just so uncomfortable as I am reminded about all the bruises covering my body. Laying on this hard table I can feel them all. I feel a tear start to run down my face as I am reminded and start to have flashbacks of Roger hitting me, kicking me. I feel the table start moving out of the CT and I wipe my eyes quickly before Viv gets to me. She gives a reassuring smile and gently helps me back into the wheelchair.

Viv starts rolling me back to my room, but she suddenly stops in the hallway and walks around in front of me and bends down on her knees. She take my hand and holds it gently in hers and I'm scared of what she is going to say , "Siobhan, what all happened tonight? And how did you get all those other bruises? Did Roger do this to you?" I just looked away from her face and shut all emotion down. I had to I can't tell her Roger would hurt her and I won't let that happen. She placed her hand on my cheek softly. Her touch is so warm and my heart skips a beat. Viv, if you only knew how safe you make me feel and how bad I just want be comforted in your arms. With tears starting to form in her eyes she whispered softly, "Let me help you Siobhan. I can help you out of this." At that moment I went cold, stone faced and said, "What are you talking about Vivian?" Trying to make myself sound believable. I attempted to look into her eyes, but wasn't able to and said, "Roger didn't do this Vivian! I'm just clumsy! Really." Vivian's shoulders slumped forward, she looked down taking a deep breath. She looked back at me as if she wanted to say something else, but she tightened her lips together and slowly stood. She wheeled me back to my hospital room silently. The silence was painful. I could feel the weight of Vivian's disappointment and it hurt more than I imagined it could.

Vivian returns to the room with Siobhan and Roger is still there waiting for her. "Great, so now we can go home, right?" says Roger. Vivian tells him, "well you will have to wait on the test results before you go just in case they show something." Roger seems frustrated and asks how long it's going to be. I tell him it will probably be about an hour or two because the radiology department is slammed so they are behind. Roger stomps right out of the room to try to use his influence to get the results quicker.

Twenty minutes later the doctor comes in and asks, "Ms. Serpent, do you happen to remember if you hit the railing with your stomach?" Siobhan wringing her hands as they become clammy, says, "I'm not sure honestly. It all happened so fast and it's just a blur." The various sounds of the hospital begin to fade as the doctor continues, "Okay, well you do have a moderate concussion and there is a small laceration on your spleen. I am going to let you go home, but if your pain gets worse you need to come back to the hospital. I am also going to schedule another CT scan in four weeks to make sure the laceration has healed up. If you have any problems or think there may be a problem, come straight to the hospital." Roger assures the doctor that she will be well taken care of and monitored.

As I'm listening to the doctor give the results of the scans, my heart is shattering. The amount of force it takes to cause a laceration like that... I have to convince her somehow to let me help her!  My eyes meet with Siobhan's and she sees my reaction and quickly looks away. As Roger takes her out of the hospital, I can't help but worry about her. I want to know that she is safe and while she is with Roger I know she isn't at all. I have to find a way to get her out, but she has to want the help first. Siobhan... why can't you just let me help you get away from him?