Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 67: Chris

Siobhan tries to wrap her arms around Vivian, but she palms the blonde in the chest. A thud sounded as her hand landed against her body. Siobhan gasped as she slid backwards from the force. "Don't touch me!" Vivian's voice was harsh and full of anger. Siobhan hyperventilates as she scrambles away from Vivian. Her back hits the wall behind her and she pulls her knees to her chest. Her eyes wide as saucers fixed on a random spot of the floor before her.

The younger woman attempted to shake the flashbacks out of her mind. However, the smell of whisky, sound of the physical contact and the power of her hand against her chest was sensory overload. Not to mention the harsh tone that echoed through her ears; her mind trying to morph Vivian's voice into the man's that abused her. Her hands shake violently, rocking her body back and forth as she takes slow deep breaths.

I saw the horror in her eyes at her actions. I know she didn't mean it, but I can't handle her like this. I can't go back into that head space where Roger's voice consumes my thoughts.

Sobs crash through Vivian making her breathless as she tries to speak, "I'm— I'm so sorry... Bon, I didn't... I didn't mean it..." The brunette shifts to her knees with her body falling forward cradling her own head in her arms. The excruciating sound of her broken sobs bounce back off the wooden floor. The muffled sound fills the room becoming unbearable for Siobhan.

Walking into the living room she takes her phone out to call Mia. It rings and rings before going to voicemail. The blonde calls right back, the ringing seeming louder and louder as the redhead doesn't pick up again. She tries one more time and Mia answers on the first ring. Her voice is soaked with a mix of concern and frustration as she questions, "What the hell Shibby? I'm trying to have dinner with Char..." Siobhan interrupts her with panic seeping through her words, "Mia, it's Viv. I need help... she's... she's drunk and she... I just can't handle her like this without flashbacks..."

Mia's eyes narrowed sharply, "What happened, Siobhan? What did she do?" At this point, Charlotte is staring at Mia discerning the intensity of her worry. Siobhan paused looking back at Vivian on the floor, broken. Her voice became soft, "She relapsed... When I found her, she mumbled something about 'his hair is falling out and Chris found us.'" Mia's anger and concern quickly flips to confusion, "Who the fuck is Chris? And Jamie is losing his hair already?" Her voice broke even as she tried her hardest to keep it together.

The redhead pulls cash out of her purse throwing it down on the table before she scrambles to get her keys and leave. "Char, we have to go. Now!" Charlotte almost has to run to keep up with Mia leaving the restaurant. A silent tension grows as they settle into the car and the redhead speeds off. Charlotte's voice slices through the heavy air, "Mia, what's going on?" Mia lets out a shaky sigh, "Something has happened with Viv and Shibs. I don't really know the details, but I do know that Viv is drunk and Siobhan can't handle it— you know, flashbacks."

Charlotte can feel the heaviness fall over her sinking deep into her chest. The rest of the ride was silent and as they pulled up in the driveway and jumped out of their car, Vivian's wailing floated through the night air. Desperate pleas for forgiveness mix with fear and anger. The lumps in Mia and Charlotte's throat grew larger as they approached the door.

Siobhan slung the door open before Mia even had the opportunity to knock. "What happened, Siobhan?! Why is she like this?" The somber woman's eyes glistened like crystals as her tears built up yet again. "I'm still not completely sure, but I'm assuming it's Jamie whose hair is falling out." An involuntary cry spilled out before she continued, "Chris is her abusive ex-husband and I think he has found out they live here." The two friends turn to each other in disbelief. They had no idea the situation Vivian had been in prior to moving— only Siobhan knew. "Right, um. Okay, Char, stay in here with Siobhan. I'm going to try to get through to Viv."

The redhead shuffled slowly into the kitchen, eyebrows knitted as she placed her hand on her chest witnessing the state of Vivian. A faint feeling washes over her as she hears the vulnerability and brokenness of her friend. She sits cross-legged in front of Vivian whispering to her, "Viv, it's Mia. What's happened? Talk to me."

Vivian pushed herself up trying to sturdy herself enough to mirror Mia. "While I was with Jamie today..." The brunette sighed, "I ran my fingers through his hair... like I always do." The look in her eyes became detached, absent. "His hair was falling out in huge chunks into my hands." Her elbows rested on her knees as she dropped her head into her hands, "I knew it was going to happen... I— I thought we had a couple more weeks before this..."

Mia cautiously scoots forward reaching her hand out to place on her knee. "Siobhan mentioned you said something about Chris... Who is he, Viv? What is he capable of?" Vivian raises her head looking Mia in the eyes, "I moved because he tried to kidnap Jamie after he lost custody."

It's hard to imagine Vivian being in such an abusive situation. I never would have thought she was hiding from a psycho ex-husband trying to kidnap Jamie. Why would she carry all that alone? It doesn't matter, now we know and we can help...

Mia's gaze relented as Vivian began to shake. Mindfully the redhead slid to sit right next to the brunette as she pulled her in close, "Shhh... Viv, we are going to help you. The entire staff at the nursery is behind you. We are your family." Mia lifts Vivian's head as she cups her hands around her cheeks, "And you have a fiancé in that living room willing to do anything for you and Jamie."

Shame ripples through Vivian's face, her words hardly audible, "Can you get her for me? Please?" Mia nods before leaning back on her hands hopping up to her feet. Her heels tapping lightly against the wooden floor as she makes her way to the living room. "Shibs, Viv wants to see you. She is calm now." Charlotte squeezes the blonde's hand as her eyes portray encouragement.

Siobhan again joins Vivian on the floor. She folds her arms over her chest, fixing her eyes on the floor below them. "Bon, I'm so— so sorry." Her voice trembles with sorrow, "Could you hold me... please?" Siobhan's mouth opens slightly, but no words come out as she engulfs Vivian in her embrace. "I know you didn't mean it baby. I know you are hurting, but I'm here— I'm not going anywhere."

While Siobhan is comforting Vivian, back at the hospital Jamie and his grandparents are finishing their dinner. A familiar voice drifts through the room from the door. Beckett and Athena look up to see an arrogant smirk. "Hey, Jamie. I have missed you." The boy looks up at his grandparents, confusion settling on his face. "I'm your daddy." Beckett shuffled to stand as he clenched his fist tight, knuckles highlighted white. Athena quickly grabbed his arm, "Don't do it Beck..."

Vivian's phone rings and the two women look down at the screen seeing 'Momma' flash across it. She answers it on speaker phone expecting it to be a call for Jamie to talk with her and Siobhan before going to sleep. "Hey, bud..." Athena's attempted calm voice blurted, "Viv, don't panic." Siobhan and Vivian look at each other as worry sucks the air out of them, "Chris showed up at the hospital. He is gone now, but he has found you."