Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 65: Odd Timing

The last two weeks had been a horrific nightmare, except, it was reality. Jamie had been in the hospital since his second treatment. His blood counts were low consistently and the doctors wanted him to stay in hospital due to his vulnerable immune system. He was only able to receive two of the three treatments for each of the two weeks— his body was just too weak. Even through all the physical suffering Jamie was still a radiant beam of joy and hope. His ability to bounce back emotionally was an inspiration to Vivian and Siobhan.

Siobhan and Vivian would take turns going to work and staying with Jamie. Watching the transformation their little boy went through caused more pain than they had ever felt. It was indescribable, but they understood each other. When Jamie was asleep at night or Athena came to stay with him, the couple made time to listen to each other. Sometimes it was silent, other times they just talked through everything.

One evening both Beckett and Athena came to stay with Jamie so Vivian and Siobhan could go home and get some much needed rest. "Hey daddy." Vivian almost collapsed into her dad's arms, allowing him to comfort her the way only a father can. "Thank you for coming to stay with Jamie tonight. He is so excited to see his granddaddy." He squeezed her tight as he kissed the top of her head, "I'm looking forward to spending time with J-man too, sweet pea."

Vivian pulled away from her dad and turned to hug her mom. "Hey momma..." her voice breaking slightly as she melted into her mom's embrace. "Hey, honey." Vivian closed her eyes softly, taking in a deep breath as the tension faded from her body. "I'm so proud of you, honey. You're so strong." Athena felt the warm drops of liquid fall to her shoulder, "I don't feel like it momma... It feels like my heart is outside of me. I can barely breathe most of the time." Athena gently took Vivian's face into her hands, "But you are still being an amazing mom to Jamie. He still has joy because he sees you being brave— he is following your example."

Vivian wipes her tears and faces Siobhan, "Come on, Bon. Let's go home." The two women shine a small smile at each other as they take each other's hand. Siobhan brings Vivian's hand up to her lips, kissing it softly. "Bon, I love you so much."

If I didn't have Siobhan to hold me up through this, I don't think I would make it. We have both learned to let each other see the other fall apart. She is patient with me when I shut down. She waits and encourages me to let it out. Even when I'm screaming and angry, hitting and throwing things, she is there to catch me, hold me when I fall.

I never knew that I could find someone who would love me enough to stay even when I'm at my lowest. I don't want to go a day for the rest of my life without her. It seems crazy, but I think this is the right time...

As we walk to the car a flashback plays in my mind of the day I visited a jewelry store. I knew that I wanted Siobhan to be mine forever, so I wanted to find the perfect ring. Never would I have thought I would find the ideal one on my first trip. It was an oval teal sapphire surrounded with small diamonds and a white gold band. It seemed like a sign that we were meant to be, but the moment I sought hadn't come yet. I hid the ring in the center console of my car for that perfect time...

When they arrived home, Vivian asked Siobhan to go in ahead of her and start making their coffee. She watched Siobhan walk inside before she dug through the center console to fetch the ring. Vivian pulled the box out and flipped the lid open. At that moment the skipped heartbeat and soft smile that spread across her face reassured her that, although seeming to be the oddest time, it's right. She closed the box and slipped it into her pocket to join Siobhan inside.

She walks into the kitchen leaning on the counter waiting for the coffee to be finished. Vivian adds some sugar to her coffee and leads Siobhan to the back garden. They sit together on the porch steps. The blonde sitting in front of the brunette resting her back against her. Vivian leans over kissing Siobhan's temple, "The stars are beautiful tonight. Almost as beautiful as you, Bon." The younger woman tilts her head looking back at Vivian, "What a line..." letting a small chuckle out.

Vivian stands moving herself before Siobhan, "I'm serious. Nothing compares to you, Bon. You're flawless and I can't imagine my life without you." The blonde's chest feels weightless at Vivian's confession. As she watches Vivian kneel down on one knee, she holds her breath.

Is this really happening right now or am I dreaming? Oh I hope this is real. Never thought I would want this type of commitment, but it feels safe with Vivian. It feels right.

The moonlight highlights the beauty of the woman in front of her as Vivian begins her proposal, "Siobhan Yvette Serpent, when I met you my world turned upside down. Somehow I knew you were the one for me. You have been my rock and have loved me through my worst. I want you to be my forever. Will you marry me?" Vivian felt like she was floating as she waited for Siobhan's response.

Siobhan searched Vivian's eyes, seeing nothing but pure peace and love. It stilled her as the brunette had done many times before. She knew this was it— this was love, it's right. The blonde's face is overcome with the most magnificent smile, "Yes..." She didn't realize how quiet she said it. Vivian almost breathlessly questioned, "What?" Siobhan giggled, pressing a kiss onto Vivian's lips. She pulled away resting her forehead against Vivian's closing her eyes, "Yes, baby. Yes, I'll marry you!"

As Vivian slides the ring onto Siobhan's finger, she tells her now fiancé the significance of her ring choice.

"Your favorite color, emerald green, represents love, growth and healing. It describes what we found in each other. My favorite color, light blue, symbolizes tranquility, peace and clarity. This is what you invoke in me, even in the most challenging seasons. When emerald green and light blue mix it creates teal which denotes balance. This ring is a tangible embodiment of our story. This is us..."

Under the star-speckled sky and soft, free atmosphere Vivian offered her hand to Siobhan pulling her into herself. They began to dance as Vivian sang their song softly as she rested her chin on Siobhan's shoulder.

"What would I do without your smart mouth? Drawing me in, and you kicking me out." She smiles as she raises her hand above Siobhan's head, spinning her slowly. "You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down." Siobhan rests her back against Vivian leaning her head on her shoulder. Vivian slides her arms around Siobhan's waist, "What's going on in that beautiful mind? I'm on your magical mystery ride. And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright." She twirls Siobhan to face her as she rests her forehead against hers, "My head's under water, but I'm breathing fine. You're crazy and I'm out of my mind." She connects their lips for a moment before pulling away cradling Siobhan's face, "'Cause all of me. Loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges." Vivian beams a wink,  "All your perfect imperfections. Give your all to me. I'll give my all to you. You're my end and my beginning. Even when I lose, I'm winning. 'Cause I give you all of me. And you give me all of you, oh-oh."