Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 80: My Heart

The women rode in silence in the back of the ambulance. Their hands were intertwined, eyes locked on each other as the paramedics tended to the more serious wounds on Siobhan's body— the main concern was her blood loss. The blonde's pale skin glistened with sweat, and Vivian reached with her free hand, resting it on Siobhan's cheek. Her heart skipped a few beats feeling how clammy her skin was and the icy temperature of her hands. She knew Siobhan was in a fragile state and was eager to arrive at the hospital.

They overheard the paramedic talking to the ER charge nurse as he turned to them quickly asking, "Do you know your blood type?" Siobhan weakly answered, "I'm O negative..." Vivian's chest tightened like a vice— of course Siobhan would have one of the rarest blood types. Working as a nurse she was fully aware of the struggles of keeping O negative in the blood bank. Knowing Siobhan could only receive O negative blood, Vivian tried her best to fight off the anxiety that was trying to creep up and take control.

Although her main focus was Siobhan, in the back of her mind were thoughts of her dad and her son. Vivian knew that her dad was in much better shape than her fiancé, but it still affected her. Then Jamie, the confusion that would probably hit him as Sara picked him up from nursery, caused a wave of guilt to momentarily flow through her. She never wanted her sweet boy to experience trauma from the choices that she made, but it seemed to be all that was happening lately— even with the cancer although she had no control over that.

Back at the station officers told Mia that Vivian and Siobhan had been found and were being taken to the hospital. The only capable trauma center was the hospital in which Vivian worked. As the ambulance pulled in and opened the doors, Tabby was the first person Vivian saw. Sensing the incredibly thick and tense mood, Tabby used a strategy she witnessed the couple use countless times. "Siobhan, I'd really like to hang out with you when it's not an emergency." The couple appreciated her effort and giggled together before Vivian leaned over and kissed Siobhan softly on the cheek.

The brunette watched as Tabby and the rest of her friends and co-workers wheel her blonde through the entrance and beyond the double doors. From her prior experience, she knew they wouldn't allow her to help with treating Siobhan. Vivian knew she could trust them and she did her best to wait patiently until someone came to get her. The adrenaline that had been flooding her system began to dissipate as she sunk into the waiting room chair. Her whole body began to shake as she rested her head in her hands. After a moment and a very deep breath, she felt a tender touch and heard a familiar and friendly voice.

"Viv... hey, it's me— Mia." The redhead lowered herself slowly into the seat next to her friend. She wrapped her arm around Vivian's shoulder grasping the opposite arm pulling the brunette closer to her. The dam broke as a soft sob was breathed out as the brunette's head rested on Mia's chest. "Siobhan was so strong— she didn't break like Chris wanted. He hurt her so bad, Mia... He shot my daddy..." Mia's heart shattered into pieces at the sound of her friend's broken tone. "Is your mom on her way?" Vivian snapped her head up, "Shit! I haven't called her... she doesn't know— nobody has called her..." Mia reached her hand out for Vivian's phone as she whispered, "I'll call her... just breathe."

As Mia stepped away, Vivian closed her eyes using a breathing exercise she learned in therapy to regulate herself again. The gentle, caring and soft echo of Mia's voice barely reached her ears. "Hi, Mrs. Clark, this is Mia. I'm a friend of Vivian's. Are you sitting down?" The momentary pause made the brunette flinch as she imagined the anxiety coursing through her mom's veins right now. "I'm at the hospital with Vivian, she is okay, but... it's a long long story. Chris took Siobhan and hurt her badly and Mr. Clark was shot when they went to save her." Mia could almost feel the fiery redhead's painful worry with a slight hint of anger as she flatly uttered, "I'm coming, what hospital?" The younger redhead told her it was the one Vivian works at and ended the call.

Vivian raised her head making eye contact with Mia, "she's pissed isn't she?" Her shoulders dropped in defeat as Mia nodded hesitantly. "Viv, she is worried... It's just covered with a little anger. She will feel a little better once she can lay eyes on her loved ones." A soft smile appeared on Vivian's face, "if she didn't love us like she does, she would kill us both herself!" Mia rolled her eyes, "is that the only way you know how to deal with pain— sarcasm and humor?"

I know Mia is right... it's killing me inside not being able to see Siobhan. And my dad— God, Jamie... I just want to hold him in my arms. My heart feels like it's floating outside my chest, pulling in too many directions at once.