Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 58: Gut Feeling

Marjorie and Autumn watched on as Siobhan continued to comfort Jamie. Quietly she sang a lullaby Vivian often sung to him when he was sick. The melody was soft and soothing as she cradled his head with one hand and the other softly gliding across his back. The other two women had never seen such tenderness from the blonde. Their concern for Jamie grew quickly as his cries became more desperate.

The nursery manager walked over and spoke softly, "Siobhan, why don't you go with Vivian to the appointment when she picks him up?" Siobhan nodded as she whispered, "Thank you Marjorie."

Moments later the office door flings open as Vivian rushes through straight over to Jamie and Siobhan. As she kneels down beside them, her hand brushes through Jamie's hair, "Hey sweet boy. Let's get you to the doctor okay?" His voice was quiet, barely a whisper, "Okay, mommy. It hurts really bad." He clings tight to Siobhan as she stands to walk out to the car.

The two women in the office watch the little family walk to the car. Marjorie's stomach twisting filled with anxiety as her mind spins with the possible outcome of Jamie's appointment. "Autumn, I'm really concerned about Jamie. I've never seen him like that." Autumn continues to watch out the window as she responds, "Don't make yourself sick with worry, Marjorie. I'm sure things will be fine." As she said those words in an attempt to calm her friend, her stomach churned with unease— a feeling she had learned to trust.

The silence was suffocating on the way to the hospital. Siobhan held Vivian's hand, tracing circles with her thumb softly across her hand. Jamie's sobs shattered through the stillness cutting through Vivian like a knife. Her chest tightened as she gripped tighter to Siobhan's hand.

Why did I wait? I should have known better... I'm a horrible mom.

Once they entered the clinic it was only minutes before they heard Jamie's name echo through the lobby. The nurse took the vitals and recorded the information about Jamie's condition. Ten minutes later the doctor entered the room, his face reflecting sympathy. "Hi, Jamie. The nurse tells me that your tummy has been giving you problems." The boy sniffled as he looked up at the doctor nodding his head. "I need to do a couple tests to see if I can figure out what's going on. Could you lay back for me on this bed over here?" He looks at his mom and Bonnie as they both nod their head to reassure him.

Vivian walks over to hold Jamie's hand as he lays down. The doctor begins gently pressing down on different areas of the boy's stomach. As the doctor presses on his lower right side Jamie screams out. Vivian and the doctor make eye contact as he speaks, "I'm going to order some blood tests and get a CT scan of his stomach. You probably know what I'm thinking, but it looks like it's his appendix."

When the nurse comes in to draw blood, Vivian has Jamie sit in her lap as she quietly comforts him. Siobhan standing next to them comforting Vivian with her soft movements against her back. "I'm going to take these to the lab and then come back to get Jamie for his scan."

Vivian soothes Jamie as she runs her hand up and down his arm. Her head leaned into Siobhan's side, "Baby, I don't really understand medical things like you do. What is going on?" The brunette looks up at Siobhan, "His appendix could be infected. These tests are to confirm it. He will have to have a procedure if it's his appendix." Vivian notices the hesitation in Siobhan's eyes, "Bon, it means that he's going to be okay. These procedures are done all the time." The blonde places her hand on her chest and sighs in relief.

Jamie thought the CT machine was cool and wasn't scared at all. "Mom, the machine is going to take pictures of my tummy!" He rubbed his hands over his stomach as he spoke. Vivian and Siobhan found relief in seeing his enthusiasm about the cool machine and were thankful to see his smile even if it was momentarily.

Siobhan took Vivian's hand as they stood outside the testing room. "Since Jamie isn't here at the moment, could you explain to me exactly what the procedure would be?" Vivian smiles at her partner grateful for her deep care for Jamie. "Well, he would have to have surgery to remove his appendix. It's a small pocket-like thing on the end of your intestines. It's a pretty routine procedure and actually quite common."

I could see a flicker of guilt in her eyes as she explained everything. I wanted to say something, but wasn't sure that I should...

They returned to the room at the clinic and waited for Jamie's CT and blood test results to come back. The young boy laid on the bed and went to sleep while Vivian sat in Siobhan's lap laying her head on her chest. The blonde held her tightly as they recovered from the stress from the last several hours.

Vivian is always the strong one... always holding and comforting me. But now, seeing her lean on me— it's different. Will I be enough? Can I trust myself to be strong enough to be there for her, and Jamie, when it matters most?

Dr. Tulip enters the room quietly with a slightly puzzled look on his face. "Jamie's blood tests indicate that there is inflammation and he does seem to have appendicitis from his CT." Vivian narrows her eyes, "Doc, what's got you puzzled?" He looks at her with a questioning expression. "I'm an ER nurse... I've seen that look a million times." The doctor sighs, "His CT scan doesn't look like classic appendicitis. He has several lymph nodes enlarged in the area as well." Pausing searching for the proper approach he continues, "We are going to send him to be admitted to the hospital and get his surgery scheduled for tomorrow. There's no reason to be worried... one step at a time."

I hope my suspicions are wrong...