Why do I feel this way?

Chapter 71: There's Nothing Like It

Viv,

You are mine. You always have been and you always will be. You, Jamie and I WILL be a family again. How dare you take my son from me! Did you really think you could escape me?
Once I have the medical supplies Jamie needs, I'm taking him back where he belongs. It's a shame your little blonde will pay for your mistakes. You brought this on yourself.

With love,
Chris

Vivian sat frozen on the edge of Jamie's bed. A wave of nausea crashed over her as her body began to shake. She darted to the bathroom holding her hand over her mouth. After the contents of her stomach emptied into the toilet, she pulled some paper towels soaking them in water before patting her face with them.

What... am I going to do?! Why? I finally found true love, my forever person and I don't know if we will ever really get to be happy together. Nothing is— right. Why can't Jamie be healthy? Why can't Bon and I get to be free to love?

She took a few moments to reset as she brushed her teeth before walking out of the bathroom. Vivian tiptoed back over to lay down with Siobhan. She faced the blonde just staring, memorizing her beautiful face. A tear slid down her cheek as she reached a hand out dragging it softly across Siobhan's cheek. Leaning in, she pressed a lingering kiss to her lips. She felt Siobhan smile into the kiss. As the older woman pulled away, she heard a raspy voice whisper, "Well, good morning to you..."

Siobhan sits up as she looks over to Jamie's bed. Her eyes land on the black dahlia. She darted her eyes back to Vivian noticing the glimmer from the tears in her eyes. "Baby, what happened? Are you hurt?" Siobhan's voice trembles as she speaks and fixes her eyes on Vivian. The brunette sighs in frustration, "I'm fine, Bon... He just left a note..."

Before the conversation could continue the doctor entered the room. "Good morning, Vivian and Siobhan. How are you two today?" They smile at the man before walking over towards him. "What's the story doc?" Vivian said with a lighthearted tone attempting to calm the tension in the room.

The doctor smiles before continuing in a chipper voice, "Well... Jamie's numbers are looking great! I think it's safe to say we can discharge him today." Siobhan takes Vivian's hand in hers, "That's great news! Viv, we get to take him home!" The doctor turns to leave and as he reaches the threshold he turns, "Jamie is lucky to have two people who love him so much."

The two begin packing all their items along with Jamie's. A few minutes later they hear his sweet tired voice, "Mommy, Bonnie... what are you doing?" They face the young boy walking to him with their arms stretched out for hugs. "We're taking you home." In excitement, he started jumping up and down on his bed. "Yay! Can we watch a bunch of movies and have McDonald's?" Siobhan and Vivian giggle as they shake their heads. Vivian pulls away, "Of course Jamie, we can do that!"

A few hours later they pick up some McDonald's on the way home. Jamie sings along with the radio like always, "Mommy, sing with me!" Vivian smiles as she sings out causing Jamie to squeal in excitement. Their voices merge in beautiful harmony that causes Siobhan's heart to swell. Vivian notices the blonde's eyes watering up and places her hand on her thigh. "It's just so amazing hearing you two sing together. There's nothing like it."

They pull into the driveway, unpack the car and walk to the front door. Vivian notices something hanging on the door knob and recognizes it immediately. Siobhan and Jamie's voices muffled behind her while they discuss the best order of the "movieathon" they are planning. Vivian quickly grabs the custom dog collar, shoving it into her pocket quickly.

Siobhan can sense the shift in Vivian's behavior, but is oblivious to why it happened. Jamie crawls up on the couch as Siobhan turns the TV on for some Paw Patrol episodes. The blonde then follows Vivian into the kitchen. " Viv, what's wrong?" The brunette places her hands on the counter in front of her leaning forward as her shoulders began to bounce as she silently sobs.

She pulled the collar out of her pocket and placed it on the counter as Siobhan wrapped her arms around Vivian to comfort her. Looking at the collar she sees that the metal plate has "Chris' Girl" carved into it. "Um... Viv, what is that?" She feels Vivian's chest expand against her as she takes a deep breath. The brunette grabs onto Siobhan's hands tightly, her voice shaking, "He would... When I — fought back or tried to leave... he would put this on me and lock me up." Vivian's head dropped as she sniffled, "After being locked up for two days... he put a leash on me, jerking me out of the closet."

Siobhan's vision started to fade as her breath caught in her chest, "I'm sorry, Viv." Vivian turned to face Siobhan tucking her head into her neck as she closed her eyes. "The last time I had to wear this..." She hesitated, voice heavy with pain, "He made me stand in front of the bathroom mirror— as he tightened it over and over, choking me." Her fingers clinging to Siobhan's locket, "I watched myself fade in and out— I thought I was going to die that night. I thought Jamie was going to be left alone with him..." Siobhan holds her tighter tracing circles across her back, "Baby, you don't have to..." Vivian cuts her off, "I need to Bon. He... cut me with his knife over and over. Whispering in my ear— 'You are mine. Always mine.'"

The couple stood in silence Vivian still safely tucked into Siobhan. The blonde held her tightly as tears dripped down her face. She had no idea the kind of trauma Vivian experienced with Chris. The older woman has always hid it so well— she only let on that she had similar experiences. Siobhan processed what Vivian told her as her heartache increased more and more. She placed a soft kiss on Vivian's head just holding her close.